Life Shouldn't Be Mutable
by done.with.marblesxx
Summary: Dumbledore gave them a choice: either help Hagrid breed manticores and fire crabs for the rest of the year, or switch bodies for a week. It's a no brainer, isn't it? LilyJames.
1. Chapter One

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**Life's Shouldn't Be Mutable**

_**Written by donewithmarblesxx

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**Author's Note: **This story is actually a re-written version of my old story, _The Swap_, but only better with details, characterization, and events that actually make sense. The plot is based off Blake Nelson's book, _Gender Blender_. Enjoy and please review! It's the only reward for us poor writers.

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**Chapter One**

The sun shone brightly in the sky, the warm beams of light falling upon a large, castle-like school by the name of Hogwarts. Students roamed about the grounds laughing and joking, others locked in the library completing homework, and still some in classes. The colorful leaves of autumn were scattered about the school and it seemed to be the last beautiful day that the season had left. However, despite the pleasantries, there was something brewing in Hogwarts which would eventually cause two groups of students confusion and misfortune. It all began in the dungeons where the fifth years were brewing up another potion.

"_Potter, stop that!_" shrieked Lily Evans, head of class and probably the only redhead in the school. "Can't you _tell _this is the most important ingredient in this potion? Could you at least _try _to be careful?"

James looked up from his work and frowned. "Oi, at least I'm _trying_. What are you doing? Yelling at me?" He snorted, rolling his eyes. "Great help, that."

"Shut up! And if you can't do it right, _don't do it at all!_" she retorted back sharply, snatching the small club from his hand to smash the battlerage eggs herself.

"_I'm _smashing the battlerage eggs! Give that back, Lily Evans–"

"Mister Potter and Miss Evans! If you two don't keep quiet, then I assure you, there _will _be detention for the both of you!" snapped Professor Slughorn, mostly glaring at James than his star pupil, Lily. "Resume your work, but keep your voices _down_."

The two blushed, staring down at their hands rather than meeting the eye of the professor and seemed very ashamed and remorseful of their actions, but as soon as the professor's back was turned, they immediately returned to their quarrel, but only in furious whispers.

"_Give me that club!_" hissed Lily, grabbing at the instrument in James' hands.

"You think I'm going to give you a _club_? You'll beat me half to death after you smash the eggs to powder!"

"They're _supposed _to be close to powder, and if beating you first is something I have to do the smash the eggs _correctly _then it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make!"

James snorted and immediately raised the club over his head, quite out of Lily's reach much to her frustration. "It's not a sacrifice _I'm _willing to make."

"You're not included in the decision making."

Rolling his eyes irritably, James returned to beating of the battlerage eggs, muttering under his breath about "smart little redheads" and about how "they just _needed _to be bloody perfect with their bloody potions". Lily, obviously peeved with his murmurs, shot him a dirty look and returned to stirring the potion seven times counterclockwise carefully.

"What are you doing with those roots?" she squealed after a full minute of complete silence between them. "The potion's outcome depends on the size and shape of those roots!"

The boy sighed, clutching his forehead and stopping his brutal chopping of the roots and instead gazed into her eyes deeply. "Lilyflower..." he breathed, his hazel eyes capturing the emerald ones.

"What are you–" Lily began, suddenly feeling shy with all this attention.

"Just shut up." And he went on chopping up the important roots carelessly, even shamelessly _whistling_. Lily fumed.

"Oi, just because _you _settle for an A doesn't mean _I _do!" James flinched, looking insulted at the accusation of settling for only an A. An _A_? Who even got an A? Certainly not _him_. "This is O.W.L. year and if you make me fail this potion, then I will _tear you limb to limb with my bare hands,_" she snarled, her usually kind eyes flashing hostility.

"B- But we're doing better than Sirius and Peter," James stammered, frightened with this new Lily, trying to defend _some _pride as he dumped the demented roots into the boiling potion.

"_They're _your measure of greatness?" scoffed Lily, rolling her eyes. "They _fail_. Why don't you take Amos Diggory as an example? He's just about the top of every class!"

James sighed, ignoring Lily's rant, knowing her little obsession– a major understatement– for the bloke. He merely glanced over at Sirius and Peter who were laughing and dodging the hot, pink liquid the cauldron was spewing out at them. He caught the two's eyes and immediately smiled, waving slightly. They waved back, but only for a moment– they had to avoid the hazardous potion-thing they had created.

"Why couldn't you've just worked with Sirius? Why? Why with _me_?" Lily murmured mostly to herself rather than James. Rolling his eyes, James leaned over the cauldron and saw the potion was bubbling along quite nicely as it was supposed to.

"Calm down, Evans," reassured James with a grin. "It looks pretty swell. Look at the bubbling."

"But look at the _colour_," Lily groaned, staring at the thing in dismay. "It looks almost like water."

"That's what it's supposed to be, isn't it?"

"_No_, it's supposed to be pale blue."

James sighed, rolling his eyes. "Ever think that the potion doesn't have to be _perfect_?"

"I don't think the potion has to be _perfect_," Lily replied with a frown. "Just... _good_."

"Which means perfect. For you, anyway."

Lily narrowed her eyes, biting her lip. "Shut up."

"Just think about calming down, Evans," sighed the boy. "We'll scrape up a good grade, alright?"

"I don't _scrape up _grades! I _earn _my grades and most of the time, it's an O!"

"Well, I'm _sorry_, Miss Perfect (_And arrogant_, he added silently), I'm afraid you might only get ninety-nine percent on this potion!" James snapped, sarcastic. "It's _so _horrifying, isn't it?"

Lily glared at him, and if eyes could shoot daggers, hers would've. "Well, at least I'm not a _delinquent _and am not proud of getting bloody _A_s. Hey, don't put those in, you'll make the potion _worse! _That's all you do anyway–"

"_Miss Evans! Mister Potter!_" Slughorn boomed in a not-so-nice way, his eyes flashing. "I've warned you to keep quiet! Ten points from Gryffindor!"

The Slytherins guffawed and James glared at them until they turned to whispering amongst themselves and stopped with the mocking gestures and impersonations.

"Useless idiots," James mumbled to himself, thoroughly irritated.

Slughorn returned to inspecting the other students' work, tsking and nodding occasionally, mostly glaring at Sirius and Peter who had managed to spill their so-called _potion _which had somehow began to eat away the floor.

"Well, it can't be worse than those two–"

"This is all _your _fault!" Lily interjected, her teeth gritted and eyes flashing. James was shocked, shocked beyond _words._

"_My _fault?" he repeated in an astonished voice. "How is this _my _fault? _You're _the one who was yelling and being argumentative! _I _was just being supportive! What have _I _done?"

Lily glared at him, hands clenched into fists. "You don't _know _what you've done? You've just about–"

"_Miss Evans! Mister Potter! This is quite enough!_" roared Slughorn, a vein popping out from his neck. "_Detention for a week! _And to the Headmaster's!" The two hesitated slightly, not knowing what to do despite his explicit instructions. "_Now!_"

"But Professor, I–"

"Miss Evans, I _heard _you arguing. Now march to the Headmaster's!"

Angrily, Lily slung her bag over her shoulder and began dragging her feet towards the door, James at her heel who wasn't looking upset or worried at all. The Slytherins whispered to themselves, some Gryffindors pointing as well and murmuring, "Look at the two, they're _so _cute." Lily could've punched them, but she restrained her fist. No need to land herself in _more _detention because of Potter.

Before the two were out of the classroom, James, being completely stupid, made a face at Sirius and Peter who immediately cracked a crooked grin. Unfortunately, the rest of the class, seeing such a funny face, burst into booming laughter, causing Slughorn to whip around and see James with his absurd expression.

"_One more week of detentions, Potter!_" he bellowed. James burst into a fresh round of laughter while Lily looked positively aghast at his actions. She immediately began walking with the philosophy of "I don't have to keep near Potter, we're not mates, and I'm _definitely _not associating with him when he's mad as this." James, noticing that Lily had began walking away briskly, rushed after her with bouts of laughter, clapping her back rather roughly.

"His face was hilarious, don't you think?"

Lily merely glared at him, her eyes wide. "Keep your hands _off _me," she ordered. "And _hilarious_? It is absolutely _not _funny at all! You think this is all a prank? A silly little joke?"

"Um, yes?"

Lily looked shocked, having not really been expecting him to say "yes". Unfortunately, this made her simply _mad_. "_Funny? This isn't funny at all, James Potter!_" she roared, fuming. "I was just associated with _you_. You think I _appreciate _that? And I'm going to the Headmaster's! You think _that's _funny? It's not something you take lightly! You know people aren't sent to Headmaster's office that often!"

"Unless you're me," James added with a simple nod.

"Yes, unless I'm _you _which I'm most certainly _not_."

James laughed, ruffling his hair casually. "Calm down, Evans. No one's going to bully you for associating with me." Lily looked disbelieving, but didn't reply. "Besides, don't be so uptight. Going to the Headmaster's _once _isn't going to be on your school record."

Lily sighed heavily. She couldn't exactly trust _Potter _of all people, who didn't even know the meaning or appeal of a clean school disciplinary record. Besides, he probably thought detentions were _fun_.

"Just live a little, Lily," offered James with a little shrug. "It can't be that bad to get detention once in a while."

"Oh Merlin, just _shut up_, Potter."

With a smirk, James shut his mouth as his love wished and shrugged, hands in pocket and whistling as he walked down the corridor. The two were silent for a while, pondering on their own and occupied with their own travel down the corridor when James decided to ask a question:

"Wanna know something really gross?"

She gave me a look. "_No!_"

"Aw, come on, I _know _you want to."

"Potter! _No!_"

James looked disappointed for a moment, but soon recovered. "I bet prudes like you are _really _interested, but are too prudish to speak up.

"_I'm not a prude!_" Lily protested, blushing slightly.

"You _are_."

Furious at the accusation, because no one likes being a prude or even being called one, Lily sniffed and answered boldly, "Fine, let's hear how gross it is."

James grinned, knowing that he'd caught Lily's weakness. "Well, it's just that one day, I was sauntering down the corridor and I just seemed to catch a sight of a few people in an empty classroom–"

"And they were doing _it_," Lily interrupted, rolling her eyes. "Yeah, saw it, heard it, _whatever _it before."

"It? You call it, _it_?"

"_It _is what _it _is!" Lily insisted, her cheeks burning slightly. James smirked, ruffling his hair.

"It's _sex_ you're talking about, correct?" he inquired with a grin. Lily glared at him, hands on hips, rather insulted that he would think she would be shocked by something like _that_.

"Yes, _sex _is what I'm talking about."

She glared at him for a while and he grinned back good naturedly before the look got much too chilling and he drew away his gaze, shivering slightly.

"So anyway, in the classroom, I saw a couple," James began again and Lily sighed, rolling her eyes.

"And it was actually two professors, discussing lesson plans."

"Oi, must you interrupt the story?" James snapped, irritated with the constant interjection. I mean, _he _was telling the story. Who? Oh yes, _James Potter_, not Lily Evans. "But you're close."

Lily raised her eyebrows. "Don't tell me that–"

"Why _yes!_" James cried brightly with an evil sort of a grin. "It _was _Dumbledore and McGonagall, having some–"

"_Potter!_" shrieked Lily, looking awfully embarrassed at hearing such a thing. "You shouldn't tell tales!"

"But it's the truth!"

"_No, it absolutely is not!_"

James sighed, ruffling his hair as it was his habit. "You're right, you caught me. That sort of thing would've never happened–" Lily smiled triumphantly, applauding herself for not falling for his tricks. "–since Dumbledore's gay."

"_What?_"

He gave her a look. "Oh, you didn't _know_?" he inquired innocently.

"You're joking again, aren't you Potter?" she accused venomously. "And I'm telling you, _it's not funny._"

"But he–"

Lily clenched her eyes shut, thinking of all the strange things she'd seen Dumbledore do and how that could be- be _interpreted _to confirm that he was indeed gay. She shivered, stopping her thoughts before she traumatized herself.

"Okay, on second thought, let's not try to clarify anything. I don't need to know about the personal lives of the professors. _Especially _Professor Dumbledore's."

James shrugged. "Alright. Whatever floats your boat."

_Whatever floats my boat? Ha! Like you've ever _cared_, Potter! _she thought to herself, shooting him a dirty look.

"Oh, we're here!" James exclaimed, clapping his hands together as if he was _excited_. Lily stared at him wearily, much too tired of his carefree atmosphere and glanced about, looking for some huge wooden door that looked unwelcoming. But... she couldn't see anything.

"What?" she inquired, confused. "Where?"

"_Here_." James pointed to the stone gargoyle which had its mouth open in a menacing way. Lily snorted.

"That's a gargoyle, Potter, not a bloody entrance." She rolled her eyes. "Maybe you need to get your mind checked–"

"It's the entrance way!" he cried hotly, blushing at her accusation. "We just need to give the password!"

Lily smirked and began to examine the gargoyle. She could see why this had been chosen as the doorway to the Headmaster's office. It just about struck a bit more fear into you so you would absolutely dread going into the office.

"Well, none of us have the password," Lily mumbled, stroking her chin. "I guess we can't go see Professor Dumbledore after all. How unfortunate. We'll just have to go back to–"

"I know what it is!" James interjected with a grin. "It's _Cockroach Clusters!_"

The gargoyle jumped to life, leaping aside immediately and revealing a long staircase. Lily cursed Potter silently, her face in an unattractive scowl. Potter, proud of his accomplishment, barely noticed.

"How'd you know?" Lily inquired in a strained tone of voice, stopping herself from strangling the boy altogether.

"Love, I've been to this office so many times, I know the password, new and old, just like the professors," he explained with a grin and started up the steps, strutting like a proud rooster.

_Something to be proud of, _Lily thought to herself, rolling her eyes at her companion. She followed behind him miserably, gasping when the gargoyle resumed its normal spot after the two entered the staircase.

"Isn't this awesome?" James gushed as he treaded up the steps enthusiastically. "The gargoyle and all? I think it's ingenious!"

"Um, yes. Of course."

At the top of the staircase of a big wooden door, a brass knocker in the middle, looking anything but friendly. Lily could only shudder and wonder what horrors lay behind the simple wood. Maybe some torture devices...?

"What are you doing? Knock on the door!" Lily snapped, her stomach lurching uncomfortably.

"Oh, right," James replied, mouth smiling but his eyes strangely nervous. Lily took no notice. "Sorry, blanked out for a bit."

He carefully lifted the knocker and dropped it three precise times. Lily observed it with an eyebrow raised, but didn't remark on it. They waited silently; probably holding their breath, until the soft "Come in" was heard. James pushed the door open and made the motion to enter, but suddenly stopped. He turned back to Lily.

"Ladies first."

"Potter!"

"It's just a bit of manners," murmured James, gesturing with his hands for her to continue before him. With an exasperated sigh, she stepped into the office, glancing about nervously as if something would pop out at her. There was nothing except for the whirring of the instruments which were cluttered about, the tall bookcases, and Fawkes at a corner, sniffing his feathers cautiously. There was a large desk at the center where the Headmaster sat, looking up at the two with his twinkling blue eyes.

"Ah," he started with a hint of a smile. "Miss Evans and Mister Potter, good to see you again. Please take a seat."

The two glanced at each other and made their way towards the two comfortable-looking chairs that were situated in front of Professor Dumbledore. James immediately slumped down on the seat and made himself at home while Lily sat rather timidly.

"Lemon drop?" Dumbledore offered, holding out a yellow-colored can.

"Ah, no thank you," answered Lily, remembering the muggle treat she's seen at drugstores. James declined as well, looking disgusted at the thought of a candy that did not _fizz _or _pop _or _jump around_. Dumbledore popped one in his own mouth, sucking on it contentedly as a little child might.

"Now, I believe you two had a dispute in Potions."

Lily looked astonished, opening her mouth as if she wanted to speak, but soon closed it again while James made no notion of being surprised. He probably was used to the Headmaster informing them the reason why they were in his office. That's why he hadn't bothered to begin explaining anything.

"Quite right, Professor," James murmured with a shrug. "Just a quarrel, though. Nothing serious."

The professor nodded. "Not quite _serious_, but very disruptive, Mister Potter," he answered in his calm voice. "This isn't the first time I've been informed of your arguments in class and I'm afraid most of your professors are finding it more than just a simple tiff."

"I can't help it that Potter provokes me," Lily added bitterly, crossing her arms.

"How do _I _provoke _you_?" he retorted. "I would say it's more the opposite!"

"_What? _I've done nothing! It's your fault for being so- so _stupid!_"

"Just because I receive ninety-nine percent on my assignments does not mean I qualify the title of _stupid_," James countered sarcastically with a sniff. "You're being perfectly unreasonable with your stupid perfectionism."

"Don't insult my _personality_!" Lily bickered, looking offended. "Professor, don't you see what he does? It's just–"

"As I've said, it seems that your arguments are turning to be _quite _a serious problem," Professor Dumbledore interrupted, looking amused by their quarrels. The two stared down at their shoes in shame. "Detentions won't cure a disagreeing spirit and it seems to do little good in having you two get along and stay silent enough for a professor to deliver his lecture." He chuckled in amusement.

"We don't argue _that _much," James murmured in mild protest. The Headmaster smiled, his blue eyes twinkling behind his half-moon spectacles.

"Thanks to my perfectly lovely library, I've discovered an ancient spell which is _quite _interesting," Dumbledore continued, staring at the two fifteen year olds. "I thought of you two immediately since the spell seems to be a suitable punishment." Lily swallowed nervously. "This will not be on your permanent records and I will cancel your detentions as soon as the spell is effective."

"Wha- What is it?" stammered Lily, looking curious, hoping that it would be a nicer punishment than a detention. However, she could only gasp when he supplied her the answer.


	2. Chapter Two

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**Author's Note: **The second chapter! Enjoy & don't forget to drop a word! If you find any mistakes, do let me know. I'm trying to write mistake-free chapters...

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**Chapter Two**

James Potter entered the Transfiguration classroom, smiling broadly, although there was a look of alarm and trouble in his eyes. Sirius Black, James Potter's best mate, seeing him enter, immediately waved him over.

"James! Nice of you to join us!" Sirius cried brightly as James took a seat beside him. Peter glanced over at the newly seated boy.

"How'd it go with the Headmaster?" inquired Peter, cocking his brow. "Did he hand out more detentions?"

"Nah," James shrugged as he pulled out his Transfiguration things from his bag. "Just made some batty jokes. I think he was getting tired of me being in his office all the time."

"Maybe he's finally going mad after being the Headmaster for such a long time," pondered Sirius, tapping his chin.

"Maybe." James glanced up curiously at his mates. "Wait, where's Remus? I thought he said he would be back by Transfiguration."

Sirius sighed, leaning back in his chair. "So he _said_. You know you can never really trust you-know-whats."

"True," shrugged James, leaning back in his own chair, following Sirius' suit. "How did you do on your potion? Not a complete failure?"

Peter laughed. "A _complete _failure. I think we've invented a new grading term."

"Really? What?"

"Troll," Sirius answered before bursting out in laughter. "You should've seen Slughorn's face when he was scribbling down our grades! It was priceless!"

James cracked a smile, but couldn't help but feel slightly worried with what Dumbledore had said to him and Lily. The Headmaster hadn't been known to _joke_... But it had to be a joke, right? I mean, such spells couldn't be legal? Or _real_. _He'd _certainly never heard of such a thing. But then again, he said it was an ancient spell...

"_Ugh, _my head," complained James, clutching his head painfully as questions wracked his brain.

"Troubles, Mister Potter?"

James looked up and found that class had already begun and he had spoken out loud. He grinned innocently and shook his head. "No, nothing, professor. I'm quite well."

"Then please keep silent," McGonagall sniffed, returning to her lecture.

_Keep silent, my arse_, he complained before leaning on one arm and glancing half-heartedly towards McGonagall. He attempted to tune in to the lesson, but instead found his mind turning to his adventure in Dumbledore's office...

"Wha- What is it?" Lily had inquired, wringing her hands nervously. The Headmaster turned to her with a grave look.

"It's a spell that will cause your bodies to be switched," Professor Dumbledore explained in a calm manner. "So you will be in Mister Potter's body while he will be in yours."

Lily and James stared back at the professor, stunned with the explanation. He had to be joking, right?

"B- But Professor," Lily stammered, her face white as a sheet. "Is that _legal_?"

"Quite, Miss Evans," he answered.

"Professor, you can't be serious!" James protested, his face a shade of a sickly green. Professor Dumbledore's blue eyes turned to him.

"You and Miss Evans are having disagreements that will not be resolved until you understand why each of you do things a certain way. I believe this is only a method that will assist you in understanding."

"We can learn in another way!" Lily interrupted desperately. "We could spend time together and try to learn and be mates–"

"Miss Evans, I know you do not enjoy spending time with Mister Potter," said Professor Dumbledore with a hint of a smile. "This spell won't be permanent and it will be beneficial to both of you. It's only an experiment and if events begin to be too tough, then I will comply to switch to another way to deal with your arguments."

"But professor, I _like _my life!" cried James. "I don't _want _to live like a girl, even if it's Lily, for even just a few days!"

"Mister Potter, it is not as if I'm asking you to live in Miss Evans' body for the rest of your lifetime. You will soon understand the pattern of Miss Evans' lifestyle and I'm sure you might be able to understand her much better after this week."

"_A week?_" Lily shrieked, looking aghast. "For a whole week?"

"A week is not a long time," dismissed Dumbledore. "And it is an excellent way to learn to tolerate Mister Potter's behaviors."

"There has to be another way!" cried James, looking like he would pull out his hair. "Community service or detentions together or _something_–"

"Hagrid _did _mention wanting help with a certain breeding process," began the Professor, stroking his chin. "It's to last for the rest of the school year if you would rather take that offer."

"Which- Which animals?" stammered James, looking hopeful.

"I believe he said manticores and fire crabs," the Headmaster replied thoughtfully, raising his eyebrows. "Would you rather–"

"_Bloody hell, absolutely not_," Lily said immediately, looking thoroughly disgusted, probably asking herself _why _Hagrid would do breed such dangerous creatures.

"Why not?" protested James, looking miffed. "I think _anything's _better than switching bodies."

"You realize the manticore is rated XXXXX on the Ministry of Magic's Dangerous Beasts scale?" Lily snapped without her usual venomous bite since she was much too frightened and dismayed with the aspect of the punishment. "And even if the fire crab rates only XXX, do you think it'll be fun to try to _breed _these creatures?"

James paled considerably, but turned to Dumbledore with a frown. "I believe you're trying to _threaten _us into this ancient spell."

"Perhaps," smiled the Headmaster, folding his hands together on his desk. "So have you made your decision?"

"Reluctantly," grumbled James. "But we'll take your bloody spell, professor."

Ignoring the rude word, Professor Dumbledore smiled softly, probably mighty pleased to have them switch bodies willingly even though they were grumbling, and began a series of complicated wand movements. James tried to follow so he could attempt to discover a counter spell, but found it very confusing after the third swish of the wand. Soon, after the strange waving, the professor pointed his wand at James and Lily and muttered the spell quietly, so quiet that Lily had to strain to hear him.

"_Vicissious_."

Suddenly, a glow of blue light sprouted out from the end of Professor Dumbledore's wand, beginning to circle the two very confused and disagreeable students. Gradually, the brilliance of the light began to increase, so much so that Dumbledore couldn't continue on staring in that direction. With a strange whir, unlike the mechanisms in the Headmaster's office, the light that had started with a humble glow and eventually erupted into a large ball of luminance that had covered the two, suddenly exploded, the light fragments shooting across the room like shards of deadly glass. Soon, the blinding light began to diminish and soon Dumbledore was restored sight on the two youngsters. They looked dazed and Lily rubbed her eyes, probably due to the bright lights.

"Professor?" James, or the person in James' _body_, began slowly. "I- I don't feel any different. I don't think the spell worked..."

"Um, yeah, professor," stammered Lily, looking mightily confused, but rather reassured. "I'm still... _me_."

"Or so it seems," the Headmaster commented mysteriously. "You may go to your next class, I'm sorry for keeping you so long."

"Er, it's alright," James answered, a bit shaken with the events of the day. "But you were joking, weren't you?"

Dumbledore only smiled in that knowing way of his, his eyes sparkling with a smile in place. Lily, having lost the reassurance, returned to the thought of dread as she rose from her seat and made her way out the door along with James. She turned to him.

"You don't _really _think that he was serious, do you?"

James gave her a look. "I don't know what I know anymore, but I just have a terrible feeling about this."

"Me too," Lily gulped as they walked down the staircase and entered the corridor, the gargoyle replacing its spot once again. "No offense, Potter, but I really don't want to be in your body."

"_I _want to be in your body, if you know what I mean," winked James audaciously. Lily immediately reddened and snarled.

"_Potter!_" she shrieked, pulling out a quill from her bag and chucking it at him mercilessly. "_How dare you!_"

He laughed and ran away towards the direction of the Transfiguration classroom before she could throw any more dangerously sharp quills at him. Lily fumed, threatening to erase the possibility of him having any future generations, and stomped away towards the Charms classroom, muttering about "stupid, arrogant, disgusting, ugly, disagreeable, unwanted messy-haired idiots in the school" and how they should just "go mate with a manticore just to relieve the human generation of its stupidity".

– – – – –

"That was the most _excellent _raid of the kitchen we've had in a very long time," remarked Sirius as his stuffed his mouth. "Don't you agree?"

"Most definitely," answered Peter with a nod. "Look at all the food we got. We could probably stay in our dormitory for the rest of the month with all this."

The four boys, dubbed the Marauders (who's idea it was, no one could remember), were walking back to the Gryffindor boys' dormitories after their visit to the kitchens, holding bags of food and stuffing their faces. They were more than content.

"This drumstick is the most excellent," remarked Remus who had returned from his visit to his mum. His return from the two-day long trip was the whole point of the four's travels to the kitchens since they thought a celebration was in order.

"I know," Peter agreed, nodding. "You know, the house elves are _most _lenient. They would probably give you the sacks they're wearing if you asked them to."

"Merlin, Peter, do you have to talk about naked house elves?" Sirius said, flinching. "To imagine Kreacher– Oh, bloody hell, that is just– _Ugh_."

Remus glanced over at Sirius and wrinkled his nose. "Sirius, do you _have _to eat like that? You're such a _pig!_"

"Now, now, Remus, Sirius is a growing boy. He needs his nourishment," James said in an explanatory voice, patting Sirius' black hair. The two grinned at Remus who looked quitedisgusted.

"_Please _don't do the whole 'Cute Sirius' act again," Remus begged, remembering a time far ago when they had the whole act planned out with speeches that would've set even the most gushy great-aunts gagging. "You _know_ how traumatizing that was."

"As you wish, Remus," Sirius cried, letting out his bark-like laugh which began to ring through the corridors. Remus clenched his teeth.

"Why are you so _loud?_" he hissed. "Don't you realize we can be caught by Filch?"

"I'm not loud," complained Sirius. "I have the right amount of volume for a fifteen-year-old bloke."

Peter snorted. "Are you sure?"

"Oi, no need to use sarcasm."

"Look, let's just get to the dormitories," suggested James, wincing when the portraits began complaining loudly and as you know, most of their voices carry. "I don't want to get in trouble when I was let off so easily today."

"Say, you never explained what really happened," Sirius began, tapping his chin. "And for Remus' sake, you might want to retell the whole story."

Remus raised his eyebrows suspiciously. "You got into more trouble?"

"The fault was half Evans'," James insisted, feeling the need to protect his ego. Why did _he _have to be blamed as the troublesome child anyway? Just because he planned a few pranks didn't mean he was _completely _a bad cookie. "We were arguing in Potions so Slughorn sent us to Dumbledore's with a week's worth of detentions. But when I got to Dumbledore's, he told us that he was going to switch our bodies."

"_What?_" cried Sirius, coughing wildly. "Switch bodies? Is that even _legal_?"

"You mean he was going to put you in Lily's body and Lily in your body?" Remus repeated, scratching his head slightly. "That's just... not right."

"_I know!_" James cried, relieved to find people who actually agreed with him.

"So did you switch bodies with Lily?" inquired Peter, cocking his head curiously.

Sirius snorted, shaking his head. "Get real, Peter. If he'd switched bodies with Evans, we would _know_ because he would be acting like Evans. Duh."

"Dumbledore was joking then?" Peter asked, raising his eyebrows and ignoring Sirius.

"Probably," shrugged James. "He made some strange comments, but–"

"But nothing," Sirius interrupted with a snort. "You're not going to switch bodies with Evans. That just... isn't right. And probably won't work."

Remus rolled his eyes, sighing. "It's _Dumbledore_ we're talking about, not Amos Diggory."

"So what? Doing something like this constitutes some legal issues. Even Dumbledore wouldn't be stupid enough to try to break the law just to enforce discipline in students."

"You're right. If he was that stupid, then you would've been dead a long time ago," James commented with a laugh. Remus chortled along with Peter while Sirius merely frowned.

"Oh, that's so funny, Jamesie. You're so clever, so clever," he mocked, using a voice that was supposed to be James'. "Stupid git."

"I love you too, Sirius," winked James with a grin. "You know that– _Ouch! _Who the hell put a... cat in the corridor?"

"Mrs. Norris?" Peter mouthed, his eyes wide. The gray cat mewed, staring at the four boys disapprovingly with its green eyes. Sirius swallowed.

"Of all days to say, '_Screw the Invisibility Cloak!_'" Remus remarked bitterly, biting his lip. "Let's slowly sneak away before she makes noise and maybe–"

"_Meow!_" the cat began crying loudly, loud enough to wake even the ghosts. Sirius swore under his breath with words that would even make a sailor cringe and run for cover.

"Run!" hissed James when they heard a voice cry, "Who is it, Mrs. Norris? One of the nasty students out after hours?"

The four began to carefully shuffle past the cat, trying to make their way to the Fat Lady before they were caught, when Mrs. Norris, being a foolish and troublesome cat, latched onto Sirius' pant leg, reminding one _quite _of one of the fangirls in the school. Sirius cursed again.

"Get _off _me, you stupid cat!" he snarled, shaking his leg so violently that Mrs. Norris was launched into the air. It meowed furiously, trying to grab hold of something to stabilize itself.

"_Run!_" Sirius cried again, dashing up the staircases to make their way to the seventh floor. Luckily, all the staircases were in place and they eventually made their way up to the top and was about to supply the Fat Lady the password when they heard a loud cry:

"_Who kicked my cat? Professor Dumbledore!_"

Sirius, snickering, supplied the needed password to a much complaining Fat Lady and the four entered the Gryffindor common room, praising each other for the victory of the day.


	3. Chapter Three

****

Chapter Three

Being a Quidditch player with more than few practices scheduled in the wee hours of the morning, James' body had developed an alarm clock that would wake him up at the exact time he planned to. It was a useful gift, something James liked to boast about to Sirius who usually was not a very cheerful subject in the mornings.

So James set his alarm clock to about seven o'clock, finding no reason to wake early. It wasn't as if he had any practices this morning. He just planned to wake up early enough to get ready without hurrying too much.

When the second hand ticked to the big twelve to make the time exactly seven o'clock, James' eyes snapped open. Grinning and applauding himself for his perfect timing, he yawned and stretched like a cat and if he had a tail, it would've started curling.

Whistling to himself, James hurried over to the lavatory to have his normal time of grooming and keeping his hygiene under control. He first began with washing his face with cold water, as was his routine.

"Mmm, the water feels perfectly–" James began with a smile, but suddenly stopped when he saw himself in the mirror, the pleasant grin flushing away. What- What was wrong with his–

"_Oh, bloody fucking Merlin's pants!_" he screamed as he gazed at himself in the mirror. "He" was probably the wrong term, considering his slender feminine figure, complete with long hair and breasts. James could only gape.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," he cursed, eyeing himself in the mirror. "What the hell happened? Shit, shit, shit! I- Oh hell, this is just- _fuck!_"

There was a sudden knock at the door. "Lily? Are you alright?"

"_Lily?_" James mouthed to himself in the mirror, raising his eyebrows. "You mean–"

"Lily?" the voice came again, the knocking a bit more urgent. "What's going on? Are you okay?"

James bit his lip. "Erm, yes. Brilliant. Smashing. Just- Just go back to where you came from. No trouble here."

"Are you sure?"

_What's _with_ this person? If someone says leave me alone, _leave them fucking alone_! _James thought, irritated, still examining himself in the mirror.

"Yes, I'm fine," he sighed, his hand going to his hair to ruffle it, but only to find that it wasn't the same messy-haired mop but a long, red hair. James cursed.

When the footsteps died away (_Finally! _thought James), he began to try to piece together just _what _had happened. When he looked in the mirror, he saw Evans. But he was _James. _What sort of twisted prank was this? Could _Sirius _have done this? But how would he do something like this? It was just... an odd idea for a prank. Not really _funny. _At least to him. But then what–

"_Dumbledore_," he growled, narrowing his eyes at the mirror as if it was the Headmaster himself. "He tried the spell and it bloody worked."

Boiling with hatred and anger, James kicked the lavatory door as to break it open, only to find that he had Lily's strength (which meant zilch) and only resulted in half breaking his foot. Clutching his foot and groaning, James cursed, even worse than Sirius and all the sailors in the world combined. What a terrible way to start a morning.

– – – – –

"Wake up! Wake up! _Oh, wake up for goodness sakes!_"

Someone was shaking her, shaking her real roughly. Lily groaned and attempted to pull the covers over her head but it seemed to be an ineffective plan. She scowled.

_Hell, just let me sleep! _she yelled in her thoughts, trying to pull the shaking hands off of her shoulders. _I don't need to go to class! Just let me sleep!_

Because of what Dumbledore had said, Lily had barely been normal all yesterday. She hid behind corners, silently shoved food in her mouth during dinner, and couldn't hold a conversation. She was afraid that she would suddenly turn into James when he and his mates were playing some erotic game in their dormitory. Sleeping was the last thing she had wanted yesterday, but somehow she managed it. Now she didn't want to get up. She would rather stay in bed then live like James.

"Aren't you going to wake up? We have _class_," came the voice again, irritating Lily to no ends. Couldn't she be left alone? What was the problem with letting people _sleep,_ especially those who have been threatened to switch bodies with one of their most irritating acquaintances? Was there no mercy in the world?

"Leave me alone," she grunted, pulling the covers over head effectively this time. Unfortunately, they soon disappeared with a loud swoop and Lily was met with sudden coldness.

"Sirius, leave him alone," someone else said with a sigh. "Maybe he's a bit tired."

"That makes no sense! You know he has his bloody alarm clock thing!"

"Maybe it's faulty?"

Groaning, Lily peeked one eye open, not finally awake due to the arguing and stealing of blankets. However, instead of finding her own mates, Lily only saw... Sirius Black? What on–

"You're _finally _awake!" Sirius cried, grinning at her. "What happened to your alarm clock? Broken?"

Not liking his tone, even though she didn't know what he was talking about, Lily scowled. "Shut up."

"So, did you have a good night?" Sirius said, winking at her. Blood drained from her face. What- What was that supposed to mean? Did that mean that she somehow- Oh Merlin. Oh Merlin. She didn't _sleep _with Potter, did she? That was just- No. No. "Sleep with" and "Potter" did not collide in the same sentence. It just wasn't done. But she was in the boys' dormitories. Didn't that mean something...?

"Excuse me," she coughed, pushing past the rude Black and stomping into the lavatory. She decided to create a plan and try to lie her way out of this. There had to be a way–

She stopped. The mirror. She didn't see herself, no. She saw a messy-haired, tall, glasses-wielding bloke mostly on the muscular side. It was- It was _Potter_.

"_Holy shit!_" she screamed, staring into the mirror in shock. "_Bloody Merlin's shit!_"

Suddenly the door slammed open. Lily glanced over, more shocked at the intrusion.

"Not that I don't love your word choice," began Sirius Black, holding the doorknob in his big hands. "But could you stop screaming? It's really bad on my ears."

Lily began hysterically, "_Look at me! I look hideous!_"

"You look like you usually do," he laughed, winking. "Just try to tame down your hair a bit. It's on the rough side."

"No, you don't understand," Lily started, tugging on her hair as was her habit, but now it hurt since James' hair was shorter. She winced. "I'm _not _James. I'm not supposed to be here. I'm not supposed to be this ugly being."

Sirius glanced at her in confusion. "James? Are you alright? You've been acting odd ever since Dumbledore went on about the switching bodies rubbish."

"_It's not rubbish! It really happened!_"

"For the last time, James Potter, Dumbledore _can't _have you switch bodies with Evans!" snapped Sirius, losing his patience. "Just shut up and get ready for the classes!"

"But, but–"

"You're going batty," Sirius remarked, shaking his head as he closed the door behind him. "Completely batty."

_Calm down, Lily. This is just a dream, yes, a terrible, terrible nightmare, _she told herself, taking deep breaths as she closed her eyes. _This just a nightmare and it'll be over when–_

"You're not taking a shower, are you?"

Lily peeked open her eyes. There stood Remus, wearing only a scrap of fabric or else named, _boxers_.

_– Not quite a terrible dream as I thought if it includes half-naked blokes... _

She blushed, biting her lip, but was secretly smiling inside, taking in all the muscles of Remus' chest and– _Oh, Merlin, he was brilliant._ Remus didn't even seen to notice her analyzing.

"Can I use the lavatory if you're not going to?" he interrupted her thoughts, crossing his arms. Lily nodded quickly, drooling slightly. She wiped away secretly as she made her way out the loo, trying to catch one last look at Remus before he slammed the door behind her.

In the dormitory (which was messy, much to Lily's utter disgust), Sirius was trying to wake Peter who was lying about, moaning and trying to swipe Sirius' face, threatening and cursing. Lily raised her eyebrows at the two as she sat upon the bed she supposed was Potter's (lovely) and watched them.

"Any chance of helping, James?" Sirius called as he kicked Peter's bed continually without breaking out a sweat. Lily shook her head.

"No way," she answered. "I'm not helping you torture other people."

"I'm not torturing," Sirius answered simply. "I'm merely waking them up."

She coughed. "_Torture_."

"Shut up, Potter," snapped Sirius as he pulled back Peter's covers. Peter shrieked and grabbed at the covers again, but when not being able to find it, he curled up into a ball and hugged his pillow tightly for warmth. Sirius groaned.

"Done with the shower. Next."

Lily glanced over and found Remus exiting the lavatory with a cloud of steam behind him. Lily raised her eyebrows and grinned when she found him only clad in a simple towel.

"Me next!" cried Sirius, leaving Peter to groan to himself. He glanced over at Lily. "You finish waking up Peter, alright?"

"_Me?_" protested Lily, crossing her arms disagreeably. "I'm not assisting anyone in torture."

Sirius rolled his eyes as his pulled off his shirt in a sweeping motion. Lily froze, watching him and finding _him _utterly brilliant just as she had found Remus, except for the fact that Sirius' chest muscles were large and more defined.

"Liking what you see, James?" he teased, winking cheekily over at Lily. She spluttered, blushing a deep red.

"Just take your damn shower!"

Grinning widely, Sirius slung a towel over his shoulder and walked into the lavatory, but not before delivering a kick to Remus' arse and throwing something that looked pretty hard over at Peter. Lily rolled her eyes. The same old Black. How reassuring.

"Are you going to take a shower?" Remus inquired as he pulled on a shirt (_No, keep it off, _Lily thought, stopping her urge to reach over and rip it off of him). He raised his eyebrows.

"Of course," answered Lily matter-of-factly. "Why wouldn't I?"

Remus grinned. "For one, you don't have any clean clothes, seeing that Sirius threw that ball of paint over at Peter, but actually burst right on top of your shirts." Lily glanced down and groaned. Green, sticky paint was oozing off the pile of _white _shirts.

"That bloody bastard," she cursed, feeling irritated even though the shirts weren't _hers_. "Just _had _to throw a stupid ball of paint that would explode."

"It's Sirius," shrugged Remus, donning his tie and combing down his hair so that he looked exactly same as always. Why did he do that? He should just keep his shirt _off_, seeing that his naked chest was a girl magnet. Erm, not that she knew.

"'It's Sirius' is the stupidest excuse I have ever heard," Peter grumbled as he rolled off his bed. "I don't bloody care if it's Sirius, I'm going to murder the person who wakes me up in the morning."

Remus rolled his eyes as he rummaged about his bag to see how many quills he had and how many he needed to replace. "Peter, you eventually have to _wake up_. Consider Sirius an alarm clock."

"A _sexy _alarm clock," Lily's mouth added before Lily's brain even comprehended what she was talking about. However, the others immediately caught what she had said.

"_What?_" Peter screeched, looking aghast. "That is just- Oh, Merlin, James has gone and fallen in love with Sirius. Remus, we have to do something!"

"_I haven't fallen in love with Sirius!_" Lily hissed, blushing deeply. How dare Pettigrew make such an accusation? That was simply vile.

"Then what was with the whole, '_Ooh, Sirius is so sexy_' rubbish?" Peter interrogated, raising his eyebrows, imitating Lily's voice in a way that was not very flattering.

"I didn't say it like that!"

"You probably wanted to. Are you _doing _things with him? Is that why you like to be left alone together? Oh, Merlin. That is just–"

"Peter, what are you talking about?" interrupted Sirius as he walked out, completely clean from his shower. He only had a towel wrapped around his waist like Remus previously, but his hair was wet and dripping. Lily blushed and looked away.

"James is apparently in love with you."

"So you've caught on," Sirius answered with a shrug. Lily's eyes bulged.

"Are you serious?" gaped Remus, raising his eyebrows.

"_No_," Sirius said, laughing heartily as he pulled on the white shirt for the uniform. "But I can't speak for James."

Everyone turned to Lily who was blushing so furiously, she was sure she looked like a giant tomato. She glanced back at them. "_I'm not in love with Sirius!_"

"Then why are you blushing?" Peter pointed out with a smirk. Lily glared at him, crossing her arms.

"Because this is such a bloody awkward subject!"

Remus clutched his forehead, sighing heavily. "James, please just take your shower."

"Yes Remus," Lily replied obediently, walking over to the lavatory and grabbing a towel.

"Now he's trying to seduce Remus," Peter murmured over to Sirius who was nodding enthusiastically with a grin. Lily shot him a glare, trying to be the "Intimidating James" she had seen so many times.

"Shut up, Peter!" she snapped as she slammed the door shut so hard that it was on the verge of breaking off the hinges. Lily cringed, realizing what she had done and hoped the door wouldn't completely fall apart. How was she supposed to take a shower _then?_ That would just be embarrassing.

Luckily, the door stayed intact so she ran the water and began stripping off her clothing, shirt first. But soon, she realized she had to actually remove the boxers that she was wearing. She winced.

_Oh, bloody hell, you have got to be kidding me._

"James, hurry up! I have to take a shower too!" yelled Peter, slamming the door so hard that Lily was afraid it might threaten to fall down again.

"Alright," she croaked, still staring down at her boxers awkwardly. What an odd situation. I mean, Potter was muscular according to the mirror and she _did _think the was pretty brilliant now that she saw him half naked, but to take off his boxers and see him _completely _naked? That would just be... odd.

_But I need to take a shower... _She glanced over to the running water and back to the boxers she was currently wearing. _To be or not to be..._

"Oh, just suck it up, Lily Evans," she told herself through her gritted teeth. "It's not like you don't know what lives behind these boxers. You're going to see one sooner or another."

So, clamping her eyes shut, she pulled the last garment off and tossed it to the floor, jumping into the shower which was quite refreshing. She tried to keep her eyes shut the whole shower, but found that she couldn't find the soap if she was going to continue on like that.

She peeked. Once.

Let's just say that _once _was just enough for Lily who, in result of seeing Potter's complete private parts, had to stifle a disgusted scream.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Just some news! It's really good news. Be happy.

For one, I've decided to regularly update (every two weeks) so I don't keep you waiting for months on end (I sometimes do this) and I finish this story pretty snappish. Reviews are appreciated, but no matter how many reviews you send, I'm afraid I'll just have to keep to the updating schedule... Unless it's a holiday (AKA Thanksgiving/Christmas/My birthday).

Secondly, I'm shamelessly bribing you to review. For all those who review, I'll send you a portion of the next chapter (which you won't see for two weeks...) so isn't _that _a great deal? Just leave a review and your email and if you want to keep your email secret, just PM me and the next chapter will go to you!

Or if you want, I'll just DocX the thing to you... Better if you're worried that I'm going to give your email out (why would I? Oh yes, because I have nothing better to do then sit around and plot how I can give out people's emails. That is the sole purpose of my existence. Snort.)

Yes, I know you want this.

Leave some love, leave a review! (See you in two weeks...)


	4. Chapter Four

**Chapter Four**

James, however, was having a lot more fun than Lily who was forced to take a shower naked in James' body, since he actually _liked _the girl and had wanted to see her without clothes for quite some time. After choosing one of the most frilly and lacy panties and bra out of Lily's drawer full of sensible underwear and one of the most low-cut and tight shirts along with the shortest mini-skirt Lily's wardrobe could provide, James had jumped into the shower with a smile which was bigger than normal.

_This is the best day ever, _he grinned as he ran the water for the shower. He leaned over the sink to grab something, but by this, received a revelation that he could see Lily's breasts peeking out from the shirt he was wearing. He grinned even wider.

This gave him the idea to hold a strip tease, right in the bathroom for his benefit. Grinning, he began to peel off Lily's shirt slowly and seductively, leaning forward slightly. Poor Lily would've flinched and immediately have began to shout at James for using her body that way, but unfortunately, she wasn't exactly in her right body. Still stuck in James', taking that horrifying shower. Poor dear.

"_Sexy_," James grinned, finally pulling off the baggy pajama pants to reveal Lily's long, white legs. Without another thought, he jumped into the shower and only smiled a bit bigger when he realized he would be allowed to rub soap onto Lily's body. This was such a dream come true.

After his _heavenly _shower, James pulled on Lily's tight, black shirt along with short denim mini-skirt, also adding some boots to his ensemble after finding that heels were painful (_How _did _girls wear these torture devices? _he mused). When he put the black school robes on, James glanced in the mirror and found the reflection of Lily _very _appealing.

"What are you _wearing_?" Lily's mate, Mary McDonald, the one who had knocked on the door this morning, exclaimed, her eyebrows shooting up her forehead. James smiled innocently.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he answered sweetly as he slung the bag over his shoulder.

"Why are you dressed like a slag? Lily, you can't wear that for classes! The professors–"

"_Well, gotta run!_" he squealed, rushing out of the dormitories and to the common room to escape the nagging of the mates. Lecturing and nagging mates was one of his pet peeves.

He sat in one of the comfortable chairs, leaning back and glancing into the fire. This experience was turning out pretty well _now_, but what would happen later on? He couldn't live like this forever, could he? I mean, staring into the mirror every morning before taking a shower wouldn't be too bad, but there had to be a catch. James decided to sit and wait until Lily came out from the boys' dormitories so they could discuss the issue. I mean, something _had _to be done.

"Lily?"

Some bloke was calling for Lily. James wondered who it was and continued musing to himself, staring into the fire. Hell, the fire was so bright–

"Lily? _Lily!_"

Why wasn't Lily answering? It was rude to ignore a bloke calling like that, especially if he sounded so desperate to talk–

"_Lily Evans!_"

Wait, _he _was Lily. So- _Oh. _He was talking to _him_.

James looked up and found Remus, looking down at him with his eyebrows raised. He smiled faintly at his mate. "Hello, Remus," he greeted as Lily-ish as he could, if that was the word.

"Lily, what are you _doing?_" he hissed, glancing at her up and down, blushing slightly. "Didn't you say you were going to meet Professor McGonagall before breakfast?"

James raised his eyebrows. "I said that? When?"

"Last night."

"What were we doing last night?" James inquired suspiciously, wondering if Remus was secretly having an affair with Lily when he so _knew _that James liked her. I mean, he mentioned it practically every day. Hello, wouldn't you catch the hint?  
"We were studying, don't you remember?" Remus stared at her seriously. James blushed at thinking that his mate would be kissing Lily in broom closets. That would never happen... He really should trust people more. "You said you didn't understand the Transfiguration extra credit problem so you were going to ask her this morning."

_Think of a lie, James Potter! _he told himself, scrunching up his nose. He definitely did _not _want to go and see McGonagall. It was far too early in the morning.

"Well, um, I understand it now?"

"Are you sure?"

James frowned. "Of course! I'm Lily Evans, aren't I? I understand practically everything and try to be perfect! Why are you doubting me?" he snapped. Remus looked surprised at the sudden outburst.

"_Oh. _Erm, sorry. You just seemed really confused yesterday and I was just reminding you, and–" He stopped and pushed away strands of his hair. "Never mind. I'm going down to breakfast. See you later then."

He waved a slight goodbye and glanced over at the entrance way of the boys' dormitories. Where _was _that girl? Wasn't ten million minutes enough to get ready? Did she _have _to take forever?

"Sirius, shut up," came his voice. James snapped to attention, glancing over at the door. Lily, er, or who _looked _like James Potter, began making her way down the stairs along with Sirius and Peter at her side. Sirius looked mischievous as ever and didn't seem to realize that he and Lily had switched bodies. Some mate, saying he could tell the difference immediately yesterday. What a liar.

"Um, James?" he called, waving her over. "Could I, er, talk to you?"

Lily glanced at him, eyes wide and nodded. "Yeah, sure." She turned to Sirius and Peter. "You two go ahead."

"Alright. Have _fun,_" Sirius remarked in a not-too-subtle voice, grinning widely and winking over at the two of them. James saw Lily's jaw tighten (probably clenching her teeth) but she gave off a fake enthusiastic smile as she waved off the two. When they were finally out of the common room, she turned to him.

"Can you believe–" she began, but suddenly stopped, examining herself up and down. "_What the hell did you do to me?_"

James stared back, confused. "What do you mean? You look fabulous now that I dressed you up."

"No, I really don't," Lily answered dryly. She grabbed a clump of red hair which was turning frizzy and fast. "Did you even _try _to use my conditioner which keeps away frizz?"

"Which bottle was that in?" James asked dumbly, scratching his head. "Was that the weird pink gooey stuff? Or was it the odd green thing?"

Lily bit her lip and frowned. "And what are you _wearing_? That is _not _school appropriate!"

"But it's sexy," added James with a wink which Lily was getting tired of, and quick. "You should show more cleavage. You have the biggest–"

"_No. Do not speak._" Lily clenched her eyes shut, gritting her teeth. "I know you already took a shower and had probably more than an eyeful of my naked body, so _do not speak._"

James grinned widely, winking. "I suppose you enjoyed your shower as I did?"

"_No, _I did _not_."

"I bet you did. Did you see my big ones down there in its splendid_–"_

_"Do not speak!_" Lily shrieked, clamping her hands to her ears. She blushed when she found that they were attracting a lot of attention and slowly began to push James towards the portrait hole. "We'll talk outside."

"Whatever you want, love," James answered with a cheeky grin.

"Shut up, Potter," she snapped through her gritted teeth. "I hope Dumbledore realizes how much trauma I'm enduring right now. It's a miracle I'm _enduring _it."

James smiled, locking his arms with Lily's as they walked out of the portrait hole. The Fat Lady hooted at the sight and rushed away to her friend, Violet, to tell all she'd seen. "Potter with Evans! Quite a sight!" she would recall later.

"Can you let go?" Lily snapped, pulling off Potter's arms. James gave her a look.

"What's wrong with hooking arms? We're practically married now."

"_What? _We are not!"

James shrugged and ignored a portrait which began to scream when he hit it with his bag. "Well, we've seen each other naked, haven't we? Practically a married couple."

"Except married couples have had sex with each other," Lily pointed out, looking disgusted. "And we _haven't_."

"We can change that," James answered airily. "Here's a broom closet. Get in, Evans."

"Oh, ha ha. You're so bloody funny, Potter."

"Wasn't joking."

Lily suddenly stopped, whirling around to glare at James. Her jaws were clenched. "Let's get this straight here, Potter. I do _not _want to be associated with you. I don't want to know you. I don't want to be in your body. I don't even want to be in the same room _you're _in. In short words, _I will never do anything with you in a broom closet, ever_."

"Even when I'm the only male left on the planet?" James inquired, shrinking back slightly. "Even when we are the only hope of repopulating Earth?"

"If that ever happens, I'll consider it," she remarked sarcastically, snorting. James smirked and rubbed his hands together.

"I'll just kill off all the males of the world then," he plotted, looking like a maniac. Lily raised her eyebrows though, completely unfazed.

"Really, Potter?" she said coolly. "You'll even murder Dumbledore and your best mate Sirius?"

"No," James replied simply. "I'll only kill the males that you could potentially be attracted to."

Lily raised her eyebrows and grinned cheekily. "How do you know that I'm not attracted to Dumbledore or Sirius?"

James gasped, staring back at Lily with wide eyes. "_Sirius? _You would rather shag _Sirius _than me? Why? Didn't you _see _my splendid glory of manhood? Why _wouldn't _you want to shag someone with something big as that?" Lily looked quite sickened. "Besides, as I said, Dumbledore is gay. He probably wouldn't want to escape his homosexuality as far enough to implant his sperm into you so we could repopulate the planet."

"_Oh my bloody ears!_" Lily shrieked, shutting her eyes and shoving fingers into her ears. "You are the most disgusting- _Ugh_. Dumbledore with- _Stop. This is a forbidden subject._"

James merely shrugged, staring at her pointedly. "What? _You _were the one who suggested it."

"I was joking, Potter! _Joking!_"

"How did _I _know that?" he complained as he crossed his arms. "But you wouldn't _really _shag Sirius over me, would you?"

Lily, snorting at his insecurity, merely answered sarcastically, "I don't know, it's a tough choice. Maybe you have a more splendid manhood– _not that I was comparing–_ but Sirius is pretty sexy without his shirt on."

"Merlin! You were staring at them were they were taking a shower!" James looked aghast at Lily's words. "You peeping tom! You _took advantage _of my body to fulfill your lustful mind!"

"Can you not _shout_?" Lily hissed, glancing about. The corridor was empty, but there were still the paintings to consider. Hopefully, everything they'd just been talking about wouldn't be fed to Violet, the gossiping portrait's, ears.

"Let's just get to business," Lily remarked hurriedly, ignoring the painting's groans and complaints.

"Yes, here's a broom closet," said James, opening the door to the closet. "Now just pretend the planet needs to be repopulated–"

"_Potter!_"

"Alright, alright," James sighed, rolling his eyes and shutting the door to the closet regretfully. "Talking about the switching bodies spell. Go on."

"We have to go talk to the Headmaster," Lily whispered, shrinking away from the portraits who were asking for "a little more drama! More fluff, sweetie!" What perverted portraits Hogwarts holds.

"Yes, definitely," nodded James with a grave expression. "And we also have to ask him about the re population of the planet, whether he would donate his–" Lily shot him a glare that would've wilted the freshest daisy. James grinned nervously. "We'll just ask about the switching bodies thing. Of course."

"Let's go to his office then."

– – – – –

"_What do you mean you won't change us back?_"

The two had made their way to the Headmaster's office without _too _much trouble (James almost broke his nose against the corridor floor when Lily tripped him in her anger) and was now pleading for the return of their own bodies. So far, it wasn't going too well.

"Miss Evans–"

"I'm James, professor," James answered bitterly, scowling. "You switched our bodies, remember?"

Dumbledore chuckled. "Yes, I quite remember. But I was not joking when giving you the choices yesterday. You _will _stay in each others' bodies until the next week to understand the reasons why each of you are so different from each other."

"I _understand _why we're so different," Lily replied, trying to compose herself. "Potter is merely a thick-headed, rude, vile creature. There is no reason why he's so stupid."

"_Hey!_" protested James, frowning unattractively. "At least I'm not a _prude_."

Lily pulled out her wand from her pocket, glowering dangerously. "You take that back, Potter–"

"Miss Evans, please return your wand to your pocket," Dumbledore remarked, still sounding irritatingly cheerful. "I do not want the house elves to labor for _days_, trying to get Mister Potter's blood off the carpet."

Sheepish, Lily returned her wand to her pocket, but still clenched her fists, occasionally glaring at James who was scowling, muttering about "stupid redheads". Funny thing, since _he _was the redhead in the scene.

"It's only a week," Professor Dumbledore said simply. "Just a week acting like each other. You'll surely learn very many things about each other."

"What if I don't _want _to know about Potter?" Lily grumbled, staring down at her much-too-large Potter feet. James merely shifted uncomfortably in the bra that was beginning to dig into his back painfully.

"You'll endure," the Headmaster answered with a smile. "You're dismissed, if you would like to leave for breakfast."

"Thank you, sir," mumbled James, rising from his chair and stomping over to the door. Dumbledore chuckled; it was strange, seeing a young lady stomping and slouching like a common man. So _very _amusing.

"Don't forget, you're not to admit to _anyone _that you have indeed switched bodies," called out the professor as a last remark. Lily stopped, whirling around.

"We're- We're not allowed to tell?" she mouthed, eyebrows high. "But I was going to say that I was really Lily and just live normally until the spell wore off..."

She trailed off, biting her lip. Dumbledore's blue eyes twinkled merrily.

"I suspected as much," he said kindly. "But that won't help you understand, Miss Evans. Now run along."

James turned and slammed open the door, his eyes livid. "Good _day_, professor," he snapped. "But at least _I _would be willing to donate _my _sperm to repopulate the Earth, unlike–"

"_Goodbye professor!_" Lily said hurriedly, pressing a hand to James' mouth. Luckily, she could overpower James, having the muscles and all. James merely struggled, his curses muffled under Lily's hand.

Dragging James and herself out the office, she slammed the door behind her, leaving a much surprised but amused Headmaster behind.

* * *

_**Author's Note: **I, for one, agree with Lily. Speaking of Dumbledore's sperm _is the most disgusting thing _ever _and it makes me want to find a paper bag immediately to hurl in.

Alright, for the little "_Review and Get a Snippet of the Next Chapter_" thing, I can't really carry it out if people won't give me their email addresses... Like, seriously. _Say _you connected me on DocX or give me the email address or no snippet for you. It's technically not my fault if you didn't get a snippet even if you reviewed and didn't provide a way of transferring documents. So don't blame me.

But if I _didn't _send it to you even if an email address or a connection on DocX was provided, then give me a prompt and I'll write an oneshot and dedicate it to you. Yes, so desireable. Just say the word.

So yes. That's all. Sorry it's a bit off the two week mark. My Google Calendar didn't notify me (stupid, worthless thing). Just for the record, an email is preferrable so if you can, just give me the email. Please.

_Thanks for reading. Please leave a word._


	5. Chapter Five

**Chapter Five**

_Day 1 of Switching Bodies–_

"What were you _thinking_, trying to say something stupid like that to the Headmaster?" Lily scolded as she finally let go of James when the gargoyle jumped back to its original spot. James glared up at her, spluttering.

"Do you know your hand tastes atrocious? What did you do, wash your hands in shit?"

Lily glared in return. "Shut up, Potter. It's_ your_ hand you're tasting so you should ask yourself the question."

James fell silent, choosing to brood to himself rather than speak his thoughts out loud. They walked towards the direction of the Great Hall, but soon remembered that breakfast was over and classes were now beginning. James could only swear when his stomach began growling for food.

"We'll just go to class and eat a big meal during lunch," Lily replied sensibly to the growling stomach. "But there are a few things you have to remember in class."

"What?" James snapped unpleasantly since being starved didn't exactly put him in a delightful mood. Lily ignored the rude tone.

"You'll have to act like _me_ since everyone still thinks that I'm, well, that I'm still in my own body. Which I'm _not_." She directed the last bit as if it was _James' _fault that they were stuck in the mess. James did _not _appreciate the notion.

"Stop acting like I just drove you into this punishment!" he snapped crossly. "You did most of the yelling, you know! Maybe if you stop acting so self-righteous then you'll see what a monster you are!"

Lily's eyes flashed dangerously, her lips pressed thinly together. "What did you say?"

"_You are a loud, rude, mean monster!_"

Without hesitating, Lily delivered a loud slap to James' cheek. There was a loud crack when skin met skin and a sickening crunch. Luckily, there was no one to witness the act of violence or Lily most probably would've been suspended, or even worse, expelled. And since she was in James' body, _James _would be facing the consequences and be forever named "Girl Hitter".

"_Ouch!_" wailed James, falling to the floor and clutching his cheek. Embarrassing tears stung his emerald green eyes. "What the hell, Evans?"

Lily seemed shocked at the power of the slap and could only gape. "I'm- I'm sorry! I didn't know I could hit that hard!"

"You can _hit _that hard because you're currently _in my bloody body!_" James hissed, still clutching his cheek in a pained way. Tears wouldn't stop flowing either. He sniffed and wiped them away with an expression of disgust.

"Cry," Lily said simply, leaning down to him. "Then it won't hurt that much."

"I'm- I'm a bloke," struggled James, trying to withhold the tears from falling but to no avail. "I can't- can't _cry_."

"You're not a bloke in _body_," Lily pointed out softly, hoping no one would suddenly decide to walk down the corridor by the Headmaster's office. "You can cry if you want."

James finally complied, realizing it was harder to hold the tears in. Lily helped him up off the ground, carrying his bag with hers and attending to his cheek. She looked terribly worried.

"Are you alright?" she asked nervously.

"You might ask someone who's been hit with a sledgehammer the same question."

"It didn't hurt _that _much!"

James shot her a dirty look. "How do _you _know? You were the one crashing your fist on mine!"

"It was a slap."

"Same bloody thing! Hurts like shit, Evans!" He continued on sniffing, tears falling. "And I'm not crying because it hurts either."

"Then what?" Lily inquired, amused with James' constant struggle to keep his pride intact, although she shouldn't be.

"Your hit slapped the tears out of my eyes, that's all," sniffled James, wiping his eyes. "Is there a bruise?"

Lily examined her own face with a sorry expression. "A little bit. It's a bit bluish."

"Look what you did to your beautiful face," he grumbled. Lily bit her lip slightly. What an awkward thing to say.

"That's one of the rules you should remember," James remarked dryly, wincing when he touched the bruise. Lily snapped out of her thoughts and turned to him.

"What?"

"Rule number one: do _not _hit anyone."

Lily raised her eyebrows. "I can't even hit Sirius?"

"You can hit _Sirius_," James nodded approvingly. Sirius probably would've been appalled at his mates answer if he was around to hear it. "But not anyone else. You don't understand how strong you are, now that you're in my body. Even a simple punch would probably be fatal."

"I'm sorry about slapping you," Lily murmured, biting her lip as it was her nervous habit. "I honestly didn't know."

James waved it off. "It's nothing. You didn't know, like you said. But _be careful_ next time."

Lily smiled crookedly. "Alright. Anything _else _I need to know about?"

"Well, if you're going to be me, then you have to be mischievous." Lily raised her eyebrows. "You can't go around answering questions while humping your seat in Charms and–"

"_I do not hump my seat!_" Lily interrupted, blushing deeply. "I'm merely, _excited_, that's all."

"Hence the humping."

Lily shot him a disapproving glare, crossing her arms. "Shut _up_, Potter."

"Look, just listen," James sighed, moving his hand to ruffle his hair, only to find it Lily's red curls.

"No, _you _listen," she interjected again, examining him up and down. "For one, do not try to ruffle your hair! _I _don't do that. Besides, my hair's not made for ruffling.

"_Two_, take good notes in class and answer questions in Charms, _not _Transfiguration. You also take Ancient Runes rather than Arithmancy and you do _not_, by any circumstances, walk like _that_."

James stared back at her, confused. "Like what?"

"You're dragging your feet, slouching, hands in pockets, not minding the, er, _short _mini-skirt at all," Lily pointed out, wrinkling her nose in distaste as she saw herself wearing the disagreeable mini-skirt. James sighed, rolling his eyes.

"It's not that bad," he protested as he dragged his bag along the ground. Lily raised her eyebrows.

"You, _stand up straight_–" She pulled James' back up so he was standing straight as if there was a string tugging on his red locks. "Sway your hips a bit–" James winked cheekily which Lily ignored. "And _lift your feet, for goodness sakes! _What are you _doing_, dragging your feet like that?"

"How's this?" James asked enthusiastically as he began walking down the corridor, swaying his hips slightly, standing up straight and smiling. Lily blushed, biting back laughter and nodded her approval.

"So am I good?"

Lily scrunched up her face in concentration. Was there anything else of importance?

"Oh, right," Lily said, suddenly remembering one of the most important points. "You have to be _nice _to Severus."

James gave her a shocked look. "_Severus? _You call him _Severus_? What's wrong with you?"

"He's my _mate_," Lily argued, blushing slightly. "And occasionally call him Sev, too."

"Over my dead body!"

Lily shot him a look. "Look, you're acting like _me _now and _I _am nice to Sev. You have to be nice to him too. You actually _should _be nice to him in the first place, but you're a mean git."

James' eyelids began twitching and he clenched his teeth, looking very pained. "Do I have to even _talk _to him? Can I just pretend he's invisible?"

"_No!_ Then he'll be cross with me!"

"So?" James snorted, crossing his arms. "Who the hell cares whether Snivellus gets his bloody feelings hurt?"

Lily's blood boiled in her veins as she glared back at this- this _mean _boy... in her body. "That's what I don't like about you! You think you're better than everyone else when you're _not_!"

"Snivellus doesn't even _count _as everyone else," James remarked coolly. "He's _nothing_."

"_Potter!_" Lily snarled, approaching him dangerously. James backed up slowly, remembering that Lily was _much _stronger than him now. "Do _not _say that. Don't you _dare _think you're better than Severus."

James sighed, shoving his hands in his robe pockets despite Lily's warning. "This is not a time to have this discussion. We're already late for our classes. Let me just tell you what you have to do, alright?"

Lily agreed, but in a very strained voice, probably restraining herself from murdering Potter altogether. She really was protective of her mates.

"Again, do not hump your chair in _Charms, _but in Transfiguration, occasionally raise your hand so you get class participation points. Somehow, you knew I was going to Arithmancy, so go there, and go along with whatever Sirius says."

Lily raised her eyebrows. "Go along with whatever Sirius says? Is that _safe_?"

"Most of the time," James admitted with a grin. "But if it's something that'll result in suspension or expulsion, then just tell him to shut up and go fuck himself. Anything else, go with the flow."

"Will do," Lily answered cheerlessly, rolling her eyes. "So that's all?"

"Don't forget to be _mean _to Snivellus," pointed out James with a ruthless smile, more grimace than an expression of happiness. "Call him names, hex him every chance you have, and of course, go along with what Sirius says or does to him."

Lily narrowed her eyes. "You are insufferable."

"Thank you, dear."

She opened her mouth as if she wanted to retort, but shut it instead and gave herself a vigor shake. Lily shot James a look. "Don't forget to take _immaculate _notes, Potter since _I_'m not going to be taking any."

"Yes ma'am," he answered, waving his hand at her, dismissing her as if she was a dog. Lily narrowed her eyes and looked like she was about to shoot some venomous words at him, but bit her lip when two chattering third years passed by them.

James grinned at her. "Astonishing self-control, Miss Evans."

"Shut up, Potter."

"Will do, mum," he replied with a grin, making sure to sway his hips as he walked. "Am I doing it right?"

Lily glanced down towards his bum and blushed, realizing that she was staring at her own self. It was an odd experience, to be sure. She nodded slowly. "Yeah, that's fine. But don't tilt your hips like _that_. It looks altogether too... _suggestive_."

"Does it turn you on?"

Lily blushed furiously, glaring daggers at him. "_Potter!_"

"Oh, right. You're looking at your own arse," he reminded himself, tapping his chin. "But I think you should sway your hips like this. I'm imagining that you would look so very _sexy_."

"Shut your mouth Potter and let's just get to Herbology without any more drama."

James snorted loudly. "Evans, we're in each other's bodies. How can you _not _expect any more drama?"

– – – – –

"Five points from Gryffindor for tardiness!" barked Professor Sprout when Lily and James barged into Greenhouse Five, panting heavily. "Take your seats!"

Without bothering to protest, the two took their seats by their own mates– for Lily, Sirius, Remus and Peter while James went and sat with Mary McDonald and Emmeline Vance. Lily, remembering to act like James, slouched back in her seat, using Sirius as a model. James, completely forgetting that he was supposed to be an attentive student, leaned back in his seat and merely began yawning, wanting some sleep.

"There seems to be an unfortunate delay in the development of our next project," Professor Sprout began, shooting Lily and Sirius a disapproving look since they were slouching and looking indifferent about the whole class. "So we will work with the screechsnap seedlings until I harvest the fully grown Venomous Tentaculas. Gloves on, the screechsnaps are right here in the front, dragon manure in the back as you know. Off you go."

The students pulled themselves from their seats, grumbling about the stupidity of the screechsnap seedlings and how irritating they were and how the dragon manure would smell horrifying.

"I don't want to touch dragon manure!" whined Sirius, still slouching in his seat. "Remus, do something!"

Remus rolled his eyes, sighing. "Sirius, I can't do _anything_ about dragon manure."

"What kind of a best mate are you?"

"A bad one," snorted Remus. "Just forget about me, why don't you? Then I'll be free from your whining."

Lily chuckled as she rose from her seat. "Me too."

"You two are such bastards!" Sirius scowled, rising from his seat distastefully. His next words were more of a mumble to himself. "Don't be surprised if you find manure in your beds."

Rolling her eyes, Lily brisked walked over to grab the pot of screechsnap seedlings and a small shovel. She also grabbed a bigger pot so she could move the irritating plants to a large space so they could push out their roots. She glanced over at Potter who was making his way over towards the front, seeming to be struggling slightly with maneuvering around in the mini-skirt. She grinned.

"Alright there, Evans?" she called as James probably would. He shot her a look but without all the hate that would usually be in her own eyes.

"I'm absolutely _fine_, Potter," he sniffed, picking up a screechsnap seedling carelessly. Unfortunately, James grabbed at the stem of the plant instead of the pot and it fell the the floor in a loud crash, scattering the dirt _everywhere _and ruining the screechsnap completely.

"_Miss Evans!_" Professor Sprout cried shrilly, rushing towards her as her wild curly hair flew behind her. James clenched his teeth and braced himself for the yelling that would come. "Are you alright? What happened?"

James stared back at the professor, eyes wide. Gaping stupidly, he stammered, "But- But you're supposed to be–"

"What, Miss Evans?" Professor Sprout said, looking confused herself. James bit his lip. _Angry_, he thought. _You're supposed to be angry. _He just shook his head and feigned a smile.

"No, never mind."

"Do be more careful next time," she advised. "Screechsnaps are difficult to find when they're seedlings."

"Yes professor."

Then she walked away, barking at a few students who had neglected the plant altogether and began chattering and flirting with each other. Rolling her eyes, Lily turned back to James who was standing in the midst of dirty and torn leaves, looking oddly shocked.

"What's wrong?" she hissed, embarrassed of seeing her body in such a stupor. What was he _doing_? He looked absolutely idiotic!

James turned to her as if he hadn't even noticed she was standing there. "Did- Did you _hear _what she said?"

"What? That you should be more careful?"

"_Yeah!_"

Lily raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms. "Potter, just what is _wrong _with you?"

"What do you mean?" James stared back, equally miffed and confused with her actions. "Don't you find that _odd_? I thought she was going to yell at me!"

"Why would she yell at you?" Lily inquired in confusion. "It was an accident."

Snorting, James picked up another screechsnap plant, only by the pot this time, instead of the fragile stems. "Look Evans, whenever something happens with _me_, the professors yell and hand out detentions. Why do you _think _I was surprised?"

"Well, if you were a better student and showed some respect, then maybe they wouldn't hate you so much," Lily snorted, making her way back to Sirius, Remus, and Peter who seemed to be bickering amongst themselves.

"Oh, what_ever_." James waved off the idea as if it was the silliest thing he'd ever heard and picked up his pot again. "Have fun with my mates, Evans."

Lily flashed him a sarcastic smile. "Thanks, Potter."

She pushed past the desks in her way and arrived at the desks in the back where Sirius was messily repotting a screechsnap. Lily wrinkled her nose at the vile smell.

"Seducing Evans?" Sirius suggested cheekily, winking. Lily gritted her teeth, dropping her screechsnap on her desk and pushing her bag to the ground.

"_No_," she snorted as she took a sack of dragon manure. "Mind your own bloody business."

Sirius sighed, looking tragic. "You were so cute when we were in first year. Now you've turned out to be a disgusting teenager with no manners."

"You thought James was _cute_?" Peter repeated, raising his eyebrows. "So James' crush on you wasn't a one-sided thing, eh?"

Sirius cheeks burned as he clenched his teeth. "_Pettigrew!_" he hissed, chucking a lump of dragon manure towards the blond boy's direction. "I am _not _gay for the last time!"

"Could've fooled me," Remus murmured as he devoted his attention to the dragon manure. Sirius shot him a look.

"Why is everyone against me? What did I do? You're just all jealous of my sexiness, aren't you?"

Lily snorted. "What sexiness? I must have missed it."

"The sexiness you mentioned this morning."

Her treacherous cheeks burned brightly again, causing Lily to curse inwardly. "I was joking."

"Didn't _sound _like you were joking," Peter pointed out with a smug grin. Lily shot him a dirty look.

"Just because _you _like to sneak peeks up Sirius' shirt when he's trying to wake you up doesn't mean _I _do that," she hissed, remembering the morning's events. Peter blushed deeply, his face completely crimson. Sirius shot Peter a disgusted look.

"What's wrong with you mate? Reading your eroticas just not enough for you anymore? You have to go and be a peeping–"

"_Alright, alright!_" Remus interrupted, sinking down his seat in shame now that people were staring. His face was bright red as well. "None of us are gay. Now just- just do your bloody work!"

Sirius with a disgusted look returned to his dragon manure, muttering about stupid screechsnaps while Lily fell back to her work. Peter, still blushing furiously tended to his screechsnap as well, trying to ignore Sirius who was quietly murmuring taunts.

* * *

_**Author's Note:**_ So these are a tad late. So what? At least I didn't make you wait for a whole month... (You secretly love me anyway. I know you do.)

The "Gimme Your Email and Get Your Snippet" thing still going on. Leave your email in "whatever (at) whatever (dot) com" form. If you don't, then that's your own fault, not mine, I am not going to spend my time tracking you muppets down, etc. etc.

I'm a sarcastic mood. So sue me. (Actually, please don't.)

Love to you all, please leave a word!


	6. Chapter Six

**Chapter Six**

Like most boys, James wasn't too keen on maneuvering about the school in a mini-skirt. He began to question himself on just _why _he had bothered to pull on the bloody thing. It was so damn short he had to keep his wits about himself to make sure some bloke didn't slip a hand over his arse, the perverts. Well, if _he _was the bloke right now, he probably would've made the advance too, but since he _wasn't, _it was all just a nuisance.

"Lily, why _did _you wear that short skirt?" Emmeline Vance inquired disapprovingly, shaking her head. "It's not exactly _school appropriate_."

James sighed, rolling his eyes inwardly. "I just wanted a change for once."

"Didn't you want a good, _fashionable _change? Not one that makes you look like a complete slag?" Mary remarked crudely as she glared at a bloke whose eyes seemed to be stuck at James' cleavage. Or what was really _Lily's _cleavage since James didn't possess breasts. Or so I _hope_.

"Thank you, Mary," James replied dryly, biting his lip to avoid saying something completely wrong for a Lily to say, for example, "I think I look damn sexy and James Potter thinks so too." She wouldn't say that. Or _would _she? Maybe she secretly loved him and talk about him with her friends–

"Trying to show off for your Mr. Diggory?" Emmeline teased as they walked down the corridor, avoiding the crowd of boys who's hands seemed to be extended to grab at James' bum. James flinched and used Lily's mates as a shield to avoid them. He turned to Emmeline once they passed by the horny crowd of boys.

"_Who?_" James gasped, fighting the urge to stomp over to Lily herself and demand a complete explanation. Emmeline gave her a strange look.

"You know, Amos Diggory?"

"The boy whose thousand children you want to bear?" Mary added with a smirk. "You haven't forgotten your dreams already, have you?"

"Dreams? What dreams?" James' eyebrows shot _way _up. Lily was having dreams? Hmm, this could be _interesting_.

"The one where you and Diggory go to a chocolate factory, for instance?" recalled Mary, stroking her chin. "You haven't forgotten _that _one, have you?"

"Oh, I have," James answered with a cringe as if he was upset to have forgotten an erotic dream. "What was it again?"

Mary grinned, hooking arms with James' as a friend might. He actually wanted to flinch away since blokes didn't _anything _along those lines, but bit his lip and stayed rigidly by Mary's side.

"Well, you know, you two went to the chocolate factory and went to see the giant vats of chocolate. So then Diggory suddenly pulled out some strawberries and you dipped it in chocolate and helped him eat them. I think that's how the dream went."

"No, no," interrupted Emmeline shaking her head. "They weren't strawberries, they were _cherries_."

James, his mischievous streak flaring excitedly, shook his head as if they were completely wrong and he was exasperated at the fact that they couldn't even _remember _the dream.

"No, that's not how it went at all! The dream wasn't about _Diggory_, it was about _Potter._"

Mary raised her eyebrows. "Potter the Porker?"

"Porker?" James repeated, whipping around and glaring at Mary. "What do you mean?"

"You know how he eats sometimes," giggled Emmeline. "Like a pig."

James let out a feigned laugh while clenching his fists tightly. _Oh, Potter the _Porker_, I am now, _he thought irritatedly. _Well, Lily Evans, this is just a bit of revenge._

"But you've got the dream all wrong," James pointed out with a frown. Mary glanced over at him.

"How? I think you said it was about Diggory, not Potter."

"I, er, misspoke." James cringed, hoping that Mary wouldn't catch him at his lie. She didn't. She merely shrugged.

"Then what?"

"Well, Potter and I were at the chocolate factory and we were staring at the vats of chocolate. At least you got _that _part right." He nodded approvingly. "But when we saw the chocolate, I fell in and I started sinking."

"Wouldn't the chocolate burn your skin since it was in liquid form?" Emmeline pointed out logically. James scowled.

"It was a dream, alright? Anything's possible in _dreams_." Hmmph, some people, just _had _to be bloody logical. "Anyway, I fell in. Then _Potter_, being valiant, jumped in after me and he could actually _swim _in chocolate. So when he pulled us out, we were covered in the most excellent dark chocolate."

"How did you _know _it was excellent dark chocolate?" interrupted Mary, raising her eyebrows. "Did you have a mouthful of the scalding thing while you were in there?"

"_No_," James snapped, crossing his arms. "I actually tasted it when I wiped off the chocolate from James' lips."

Mary raised her eyebrows, high as they could go, almost disappearing into her hairline. "_You _were kissing _Potter_ in your dream?"

"Yes, of course," answered James with a suggestive smile. "And I remember it being _perfectly _lovely."

Emmeline stared back at him with an expression of surprise and even a little bit of disgust. "I can't believe you just told me a dream that was just- just so _wrong_."

"What was so wrong about it?" James inquired in confusion. "When two people like each other, they _kiss_."

"But you don't like Potter," hissed Emmeline, keeping her voice down as if speaking of snogging was a forbidden sin. "At least I know from how you talk about him."

"Wrong impression," shrugged James as he began walking ahead of Lily's two friends. "I'm actually in _love _with James Potter."

Everyone in the corridor, or those within earshot, immediately began whispering, shooting him adverted gazes. James glanced at them, his eyebrows high and his mind plotting.

"Lil- Lily–" stammered Mary, looking very much shocked at this new Lily. Why was she being so- so _odd? _She had explicitly said that she did _not _like Potter. At all. This was altogether much too frightening.

"What, Mary?" James whipped around with a very wide grin. "Why do you look so shocked?"

"Well, you just yelled that you were in love with Potter," Emmeline whispered, keeping her head ducked down. "That just about explains all the looks you're getting."

_If _that _makes people talk, then... _

"I love James Potter!" James screamed as loud as he could. Most students in the corridor stopped walking and instead turned to stare at the girl who had just confessed she had feelings for the boy she previously had named her most hated enemy. This was the oddest day they had ever had.

"_Lily!_" hissed Mary, pulling on James' arm and turning to corner very quickly. Emmeline followed suit, her face burning bright red as if it was _she _had just declared her love for a boy in the middle of a busy corridor.

"_What do you think you're doing?" _Emmeline cried, attempting to keep her voice down. "Do you realize what you've said? Are you under the Imperius Curse? We'll have to go see McGonagall–"

"Nope, no Imperius Curse!" James called out cheerfully, wiggling out of the grasps. "Just plain old _love _for the boy who so captured my heart."

Lily's friends gave him a long, hard, disbelieving look. James took it as the opportunity to rush away with promises of, "Meeting in the library later! Talk to you later!"

He, instead, escaped to the Owlery which was always void of sane human beings, since it stank of owl droppings and their gross feathers. Despite not being able to properly _breathe_, James burst out in merry laughter, wiping away tears from his eyes. _This _was much more fun than he had expected.

– – – – –

Lily was currently lying in the boys' dormitories, blissfully unaware of her apparent confession of being in love with James Potter. Which was good. If she found out, there probably would be hell to pay. Poor James.

She was working on her Transfiguration essay and luckily, it was a subject she didn't have to _pretend _to be bad at. She was actually fairly terrible and was botching the thing completely. Cursing softly, she hurled the parchment away, groaned, and threw herself on James'– her– bed.

"How's the essay coming along, James?" Sirius inquired brightly as he dug into the Transfiguration textbook himself. "I think I found the page with the properties, but they seem to be written in Latin. I can't make heads or tails of it at all."

Lily glanced over and found that Sirius was clutching the book upside down due to his drunken manner. He had taken a drop (more like a chug) of one of Slughorn's finest alcohol. Now he was a bit loopy.

"Sirius, your book is upside down," she pointed out with a sigh. "Maybe you should _flip _your book around?"

Groaning and clutching his head, Sirius chucked the textbook away from him with a thud. He jumped at the noise of the book hitting the floor and moaned to himself.

"That scotch had something in it," he groaned as he lay on his bed in pain. "Something that wasn't supposed to be there at all."

Lily snorted. "Maybe you shouldn't have _drank _it."

"I thought it would taste fabulous like your dad's bottle of scotch we nicked last summer!"

Lily raised her eyebrows. James was a drinker? She knew Sirius was without a doubt (seeing him in the common room during celebrations without a bit of brains on him was proof enough), but she hadn't thought _James _was equally a massive drinker like his mate.

"And that ended well?" she inquired, wanting to know what happened. Sirius let out a humorless laugh, probably because he wasn't in the best of spirits.

"No. All I remember is you fondling my arse."

Lily flinched at the imagery. "Oh Merlin, that is sick."

"I know. I just don't want a repeat, ever again in my life. I'm sorry James, but I really do like women better."

"It's alright Sirius, I ,er," Lily stammered. "Like women too?"

Sirius glanced over at Lily, raising his eyebrows. "What was with the question mark at the end of your sentence?"

"What question mark?" Lily lied immediately, not wanting him to take James as _gay_, although that seemed to be a funny thing to say. But really, she wasn't _that _mean.

"You said it like, 'I like women too?' Are you really gay then?"

Lily bit her lip. _No, I'm not gay. I'm actually a girl so it's normal for me to like blokes._

"No," she answered with a sigh. "I'm not, no matter what Peter has to say about it."

Sirius smirked over at her in such a devious way that it made her heart start beating. Damn, that was irritating and hardly convenient. _Especially _when she was trying to prove that she wasn't gay. She _wasn't_. She was a girl who liked _boys, _but was stuck in a boy's body. It's just a terrible situation.

"So, you're not gay?" Sirius raised his eyebrows again. "Then why are you blushing?"

"_I'm not blushing!_" protested Lily, biting her lip. Merlin, this was so awkward! What could she–

"_James!_"

Lily looked up just in time to see Remus and Peter burst into the dormitory, eyes wide and panting as if they'd just ran up several floors just to get here. She naturally was startled by their actions.

"What's wrong?" she inquired in a panicked voice. "What are you–"

"_Evans just admitted she was in love with you,_" Peter cried out quickly, eyes wide. "In the middle of the corridor. The whole school's wondering what's going to happen now!"

Lily narrowed her eyes, clenching her fists angrily. "Oh, _Lily _admitted her undying love to me, did she? In the middle of the corridor?"

"Congrats, mate!" called Sirius, grinning widely. "She can be your girlfriend like you've always–"

"No," Lily answered simply.

"No?" Remus repeated, raising his eyebrows.

"_No?_" Peter squeaked, gaping at Lily.

"NO?_" _Sirius yelled, jumping up from his bed. "James, what's wrong with you? This is all you've wanted! Lily finally realizes that she's in love with you and you decide you won't go out with her? What the–"

Lily sprung forward, acting on instinct and immediate decision rather than logic. She jumped on Sirius' lips, capturing him in a deep, intimate kiss. The feminine side of her screamed in delight, since it embraced all forms of intimacy. However, her bloke body tried to shrink away, much too shocked. Sirius seemed to me much too surprised to pull away. Lily made the final move and pulled her head back with a loud pop. James' mates stared at her, aghast.

"I won't because I'm _gay_," she announced, cackling inwardly. _This is the taste of your own medicine, James Potter!_

_

* * *

_

**_Author's Note:_** Before you begin ragging on me about the whole "gay" issue, let me just divulge my theory. If you read the Harry Potter books, they don't mention too many gay people which just led me to think that the wizarding race were not really tolerant of gays as muggles are. They still wear robes, guys. I mean, c'mon. How advance do you think wizards are? Also, James is also going for the whole "macho, woman-snogger" thing probably since he _is _a fifteen year old boy with a heck of an ego on him and being pronounced gay would immediately shut the door of snogging for him. So there you go. An explanation.

Another explanation is needed, I think for the late update. I was struggling with writer's block, debating whether I should even be writing Harry Potter fanfiction now that I'm getting into the deep waters of fiction. I didn't think I needed the stress and was about to make the announcement when yesterday I began writing parts of _Life Shouldn't Be Mutable _frantically. So that's all.

I'll be updating in a few days, just to indulge your _Life _nature. I know you want more of this.

I promise not to make you wait so long for the next chapter. I promise. Also, a review would be appreciated; I quite miss getting those little words of encouragement.

Sorry for the impossible Author's Note. I will be ignoring all reviews that address the "gay" thing when I've just explained it right up there and you just refused to read it. That's your own fault. So toodles!


	7. Chapter Seven

**Chapter Seven**

_Day 2 of Switching Bodies–_

"We have to talk."

Lily looked up from her work and found James standing there, hands on hips and dressed much more modestly than yesterday. She smiled lazily and leaned back in her chair.

"Oh, did I break your heart, Evans?" she mocked, maintaining a casual look. "I'm sorry, but I'm gay–"

Clamping a hand to Lily's mouth immediately,James grabbed her wrist and led her out of the library, trying to get past the students who were on a lookout for the next bit of gossip. The story of James Potter's homosexuality had hit the school especially hard and most of the girls from James Potter's Fan Club had went into mourning, wearing black and saying not much except occasionally sniveling towards Lily's direction. Apparently, they were having a funeral later on for "James Potter's heterosexuality". That's what you call dedication, right there.

Quickly as his female body could manage it, James dragged Lily to a blissfully empty broom closet, shoving the door shut behind him.

"Are we going to talk in the dark?" Lily inquired, irritated that she had been dragged. She quietly murmured, "_Lumos,_" and immediately, the soft light spilled out of the end of her wand.

When she glanced over at James, she found that he was glaring at her. A smile pulled at Lily's lips, but she fought the urge to smile since it would make James even _more _irritated at her.

"_What were you thinking, kissing Sirius?_" he finally hissed, eyes bulging out of his sockets. Lily suppressed the laughter and merely shrugged.

"Maybe I'm attracted to him?"

James flinched. Lily chose to change the subject.

"You know, I was _very _surprised to hear the announcement of my utmost love to a certain James Potter yesterday," she shot back at him, raising her eyebrows. "Seems strange, doesn't it, since I have a reputation for _hating _him?"

He bit his lip, looking guilty for a moment, but his anger immediately flared up again. "So you tell everyone that I'm gay in a form of _revenge_?"

Lily smiled deviously, showing all her teeth. "What was I to do? Just _accept _the fact that you told an outrageous lie?"

"What _you _did is _worst _than what _I _did!"

"How?" Lily cocked her head, raising her eyebrows, not so amused now. "You told the whole school a _lie_."

"So did you!"

"So we're even."

"_No, _we're _not_," James said through his clenched teeth. "Because of _you_, Sirius probably won't ever talk to me ever again!"

"_Unless _he's gay himself," suggested Lily with a grin. James looked sickened.

"Sirius is _not _gay, thank you very much, Lily Evans. If he was, I would have a very difficult time drinking around him."

"Because all your drinking parties end up in some sexual way?" Lily added, remembering what Sirius had said about the whole groping incident. She shivered.

"Not _all _of them," James murmured sheepishly, staring down at his feet. "_But that's not the point! _What are we going to do _now_? Our reputations are on the line!"

Lily shot him a look. "If _you _didn't 'confess' to the whole school about my love for you, _which is not true_, then the whole thing wouldn't have happened!"

"Yes, yes, I'm sorry," snorted James, waving his hands. "I'll say I was drunk."

Lily raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms. "Oi, I don't _drink_. Well, not during the weekdays anyway."

"You drink on the weekends?" James raised his own eyebrows. "What happened to Miss Prude of the Year, Lily Evans?"

"Shut up, Potter. And for the last time, I am _not _a prude!" she cried hotly, blushing again. Why did he keep going on with that? Couldn't he just accept the fact that she might actually_ not_ be a prude?

James waved away the fact as if it wasn't important. "But what are we going to do?" he hissed. "People keep coming up to me and offering their 'condolences'!"

"What do they say?" Lily inquired, smirking slightly. James frowned, crossing his arms.

"Most just, 'I'm _so _sorry that James is gay! I _always _knew it. I mean, he always was a little girly. Growing his hair out, grabbing for men's private parts, it's not really a surprise that the news is out.' It's just... _awkward. _And it's not even _true._" He added the last part hotly, still defending his pride even when it was shredded into fine pieces, unrecoverable. Silly James.

Lily chuckled slightly, trying to imagine James' expression in such a situation. Ah, to have a picture of that would be _priceless_.

"You know, it's not funny," grumbled James. "We really have to find a solution."

"Sorry, sorry," Lily waved, still grinning. "We can just admit that we were joking."

James raised his eyebrows with a snort. "How are you going to explain that you were joking when you kissed Sirius?"

"_Shit_, that's true."

"So what are you going to–"

"_James?_" The door slammed open and there stood Sirius, raising his eyebrows, looking very much shocked at the scene in front of him.

"What are you _doing_?" he hissed at Lily, looking awfully tense. "Why are you in here with- with _Evans?_ I thought you were, er, you know–"

"A homosexual, I _know_," Lily sighed, tired of him looking up and down at them just to see if a hand was somewhere where it _shouldn't _be. Merlin, just because _he _liked putting his hands on girls' arses didn't mean that _she _did.

"So... what are you two doing in here?"

James bit his lip and shook his head. "Er, nothing. We weren't doing anything. Just- Just get out."

With that, he pushed the two out of the broom closet and slammed the door behind them. Lily raised her eyebrows, looking back at the slammed door while Sirius glanced over at Lily, looking quite worried.

"Is she... _alright_?"

Lily merely shrugged. "Who knows?"

Sirius chuckled, shoving his hands in his pockets, and began walking down the corridor. Lily followed, remembering to slouch a bit and shove her own hands in her own pockets. Remember, look like a disgruntled teenage boy.

"So, um, how's everyone taking the news?" Sirius asked uncomfortably. Lily glanced over at him.

"Hmm, what?"

He fidgeted. "You know your whole- How do you say this? The whole, you know, gay thing."

"_Oh! _Right. Right." Lily grinned, noting that Sirius had an odd and awkward look on his face. She could only treasure the moment. Black _never _looked like this. Always trying to be suave and keep his face on. "Well, you know it's just a _shock_."

"You know, about that..." He glanced over at Lily with a sincere expression. "I understand your whole preferring blokes over babes thing and it's just that I support you, all the way."

Lily raised her eyebrows. Was this the same Sirius Black she knew? He seemed much too... _sincere_.

"If you need me to set up dates for you, I'll do it," he went on, scratching the back of his neck. "But it's not that I'm grossed out by you. Erm, before I was just kind of shocked. I didn't know that you were–"

"Alright, alright, stop rambling," Lily sighed in irritation. "I was only, er–" What was the word? Joking? "Yes, I was only joking. Ha ha. It was a joke."

Sirius glanced over at her with an expression of complete and utter surprise. He wrinkled his nose. "You mean you kissed me _just _for a bloody _joke_?"

"You didn't think I was seriously in love with you, did you?" Lily joked, trying to keep a light tone. Too bad she had to stop the thing right here. It really would've been fun to carry on. "I mean, I _do _have standards."

"Oh, ha ha, very funny, James," Sirius retorted sourly. "I still can't believe you did that. I would've understood if you really were gay. I would've been supportive. But that's just– _Ugh_."

Lily grinned widely. "Love you too, Sirius."

"_Merlin, _don't say that! It's just–" Sirius stopped in front of the library door and pushed her towards the doorway. "I'm dropping you off with Remus. Just go before I'm even _more _traumatized by your stupid jokes."

Lily smiled again and shot a _very _flirtatious wink towards Sirius' direction. "I love you, Sirius!"

He walked away, hands in pockets, but not before shooting Lily a rude sign that was _surely _not an expression of love.

– – – – –

After snapping at two couples who had tried to use the broom closet as a shag center (disgusting cretins), James left the cramped space, dearly hoping that Lily hadn't launched herself at Sirius once more, claiming to have switched her preference from girls to boys. She hopefully knew what an important mission this was. _Hopefully_.

So James was sauntering down the corridor, just murmuring stupidly to himself and attempting to come up with ways to reverse the uncomfortable situation. Should he just say that he was only joking? I mean, that's what Lily was _asking _him to do, but what if he didn't want to? What he wanted to just–

"Lily?"

James turned around, surprised by the interruption. However, when he did, he regretted turning around. He wished he had instead ran away and not heeded the voice. Because there stood Severus Snape, his long bat-like robes hanging about his sallow-skinned body. James fought the urge to scream and dash away, screw what Lily had said about being _nice _to Severus.

"What are you doing, wandering around?" Severus inquired with a slight smile, clutching his books tightly. "Shouldn't you be studying? I heard you needed help with Transfiguration."

"Oh, um, I'm fine," James stammered, not knowing how to be civil to this Slytherin. "I was just, er, taking a... study break. Yes, a study break!"

Severus looked surprised by James' outburst and stammering, but he merely shrugged. "Oh, okay. I was just wondering because you looked sort of dazed."

"No, I'm not dazed. I was just thinking. About stuff. Yeah. Thinking about stuff."

"What are you thinking of?"

_What a nosy git_, James thought, slightly irritated, but answered mildly enough, "Just brushing up on some Transfiguration. You know. This with that. That kind of stuff. You know what I mean?"

Judging by his facial expression, Severus _didn't _know what he meant, but played along anyway, smiling happily as if being in Lily's presence graced all his good feelings while Lily (who's actually James) was trying her best to get away from him.

"So how was your day?" Severus inquired breezily, treading behind James as he attempted to sneak away from the greasy-haired Slytherin. Cursing under his breath, James turned his head slowly and smiled.

"Good," answered James, trying to keep the conversation short so he could run away as soon as he could.

"Oh, you know, I heard Potter was gay." Severus brought up the subject smoothly, looking disgusted as the name Potter passed his lips. "So, congratulations. Now he won't be bothering you anymore."

Flinching at hearing his name spat out of someone's throat in such a rude way, James answered rather coldly, "Don't be too sure. It's James Potter we're talking about."

However, Severus didn't seem to have heard. "Potter is _such _an idiot, thinking he's _all that _just because he's so _stupid_." The boy snorted. "Could you be more far off the mark? Besides, he's such a failure at the school subjects, there's a bright future of him dropping out and returning to first year."

James clenched his teeth, his hands balled into tight fists and attempting to avoid breaking out in a fistfight with Severus Snape. He had to _control _his anger or Snape might assume something was up which would lead to investigation... And then Dumbledore would find out. How fun would _that _be?

"Well, _I _think Potter's quite smart if he puts his mind to it," James retorted sharply with a sniff. "And he's a brilliant Quidditch player so it doesn't matter if he can't scrape up an O."

Severus gave him a surprised look, raising his eyebrows and widening his eyes. "I didn't think the rumors were true, but are you _serious_? Do you really _like_ Potter?"

James pinched his mouth shut. He wanted to tell Severus Snape that yes, Lily was indeed in love with him, but if that happened, Lily might set out for revenge and go off and shave his hair of lovely jet black strands and tattoo a Dark Mark on his head and go around trying to throw herself at Professor Flitwick. Damn.

"No, I don't like _Potter,_" James spat, sounding disgusted best he could. "Can't people take a bloody _joke_? Besides, I was being _completely _sarcastic when I said that! Some people are _so _stupid."

James flinched when a smile broke out on Severus' face and secretly wished that he had actually declared love for a certain James Potter once more just to wipe that stupid grin on Snivellus' face.

"And here I was, worried that someone had put the Imperius Curse on you!" cried Severus, sounding very much relieved at James' words. "I mean, I knew you wouldn't voluntarily say something like _that_."

"Yes," James answered like a robot, still clenching his teeth, but Severus didn't seem to notice anything. He was just so damn _cheerful _at hearing that Lily Evans wasn't in love with James Potter that he probably wouldn't have noticed leprechauns attacking students demanding, "Me gold! Me gold!" even when it was happening right in front of his eyes.

"Well, I'm afraid I have to erm, go back to the Gryffindor common room," James lied, feigning a pleasant smile. "So I'll just have to see you later."

Severus looked crestfallen at his words and his smile faltered, but he nodded anyway. "Oh, um, alright. I'll talk to you later then."

With another fake grin, James waved slightly and hurried off, breathing heavily as if he had just been told to run laps around the whole Hogwarts grounds instead of being nice to a single Slytherin student. Really, was it that difficult to be kind to Severus Snape?

* * *

I apologize for the late update. I thought I would have this up ASAP because I'd already written it, but I realized I didn't like how I had written the chapter and I just didn't like any of it. This still isn't my favorite chapter ever, but I really can't change it up that much. Hopefully, I won't completely be murdered by irritated readers.

Merry Christmas, everyone! & Happy New Year!


	8. Chapter Eight

**Chapter Eight**

_Day 3 of Switching Bodies–_

"_James!_" Lily flinched and tried to hide behind the book she was holding while Remus ground his teeth and muttered about idiotic gits. "_James Potter!_"

Even with her stunning, not-so-obvious hiding place behind the _Hogwarts, A History _book she was currently reading, Sirius Black had managed to locate her. Lily could only curse along with Remus.

"Sirius, have you ever thought of being _considerate _of others?" Remus inquired in a tired voice. "Like, thinking of whether your loud voice might completely shoot someone's poor ear drums?"

Sirius glanced down at Remus and merely shrugged, dismissing the notion. "Those are mere excuses for desiring the sound of my voice every sleepless night. I understand your troubles, Remus, and you have my sympathies."

"Would you shut up? Just for once?"

"No. No, probably not," Peter cut in with a snort. Sirius shot him a glare.

"You know what? I don't remember asking you to answer for me," Sirius snapped. Peter rolled his eyes.

"Well, that's just–"

"_Okay_, what were you going to say, Sirius?" Lily interjected, tired of all these petty arguments. I mean, was that all these boys did? Have verbal fights with each other? Didn't it ever get tedious?

"_Thank you_, James," Sirius addressed Lily, although he wasn't looking at her, but at Peter who was rolling his eyes and making rude gestures and imitations of Sirius which made him look quite like an ape. Naturally, Sirius wasn't too pleased. "As I was saying–"

"Ape," coughed Peter, sitting up on his bed.

"Oi, Pete. How about _shutting up_?"

With a grin, he complied, Sirius still glaring at him.

"So, I just got the most _brilliant _idea for a prank," Sirius gushed enthusiastically, clapping his hands together. "Do you want to hear?"

_No, not exactly, _Lily thought to herself. "Yes, of course," Lily said out loud. Sirius grinned brilliantly.

"Hey– Hey, Remus, you have to listen too." Sirius snapped his fingers, gesturing towards Remus as if he was a little dog. Remus looked up irritatedly, frowning.

"I'm not a bloody _dog_, Sirius."

"Could've fooled me."

Murmuring, "I don't have time for this," Remus returned to his book, digging into the text happily, just anything to get away from the world which involved Sirius. Looking upon the situation, Sirius, leaning over, tore the book out of the boy's hands, glanced at the title, rolled his eyes, and chucked the book behind him. Remus gave him a shocked look.

"My book!"

Sirius dismissed it with a simple wave of his hand. "You don't need _Trolls and How to Tame Them_ for this, Loopy. Just sit tight and listen to my idea."

With a sigh, Remus leaned back into the headboard of the bed and gave Sirius a bored look. "Alright, go ahead. I'm _totally _interested."

"Cut out the sarcasm," frowned Sirius. "And just _listen_. You'll like it. I promise." Lily rolled her eyes. "It has to be better than reading _Trolls and How to Tame Them._"

"Actually–"

"Shut up." Sirius turned to James and Peter with a happy look. "Okay, this is a _brilliant _idea and– Whoa, James, are you alright?"

Lily, throughout the whole quarrel, had turned a sick color, debating whether to go along with this prank idea. What if it was something frightening like covering the whole castle with shaving cream? It would take forever and they would be in _loads _of trouble. But James had instructed that she go along with what Sirius proposed. The inner dilemma was obviously causing her to look not-so-dandy.

"You look sort of sick, James," Peter said slowly, staring at her in concern.

"Of course I do," she snapped, crossing her arms. "Your breath is atrocious."

Sirius ripped out his loud bark-like laughter while Peter grumbled, Remus rolling his eyes and muttering again. Sirius, realizing that he now had everyone's full attention, pushed back strands of his hair and began speaking.

"You know the blazons of the four houses in the Great Hall?" Sirius began. Lily nodded slowly.

"What about them?"

"You know the house animals that are on them?"

Nod.

"I'm thinking of Transfiguring them."

Remus widened his eyes, mouth falling open. "You're thinking of _what_?"

Sirius grinned widely, nodding. "That's right. Isn't it a brilliant idea? It's such a _perfect _prank. What do you think? Since we're all pretty decent at Transfiguration, I thought we could get it done nicely."

Lily's eye twitched. "Sirius, you must be joking. This is breaking about twenty school rules. McGonagall would go nuts and–"

"So?" Sirius shrugged, a look of utter carelessness that most girls found attractive. "It's never stopped us before. And besides, McGonagall loves me so she won't be _too _harsh," he added.

Sighing, Lily massaged her temples, thinking over what Sirius had said. According to James, she was supposed to go along with everything Sirius suggested unless the plans involved flirting with suspension or even worse, expulsion. I mean, changing around the house animals couldn't be _that _bad, could it? It would just be worth a few detentions, lines, washing cauldrons, assisting Filch and his terrible cat, nothing too bad. It would be okay.

Lily glanced up, a grin playing at her lips. "Alright then. I'm in."

"Me too," added in Peter with an eager smile. Everyone turned to Remus who was shrugging and sighing slightly.

"I suppose I don't need to go through my "This-is-a-Bad-Idea" lecture again since you know it so well," he remarked dryly. "But just be aware that this will result in punishment."

"I'm aware," Sirius answered merrily. "So are you in, Remus?"

There was a slight pause, but Remus answered in a sure voice, "Of course, you idiot. You think I'm going to miss out on the fun?"

"That's my Remus!" Sirius cried, slapping his knee.

"Please don't say that ever again."

"Why not?"

"It's just- It's just not right."

Sirius raised his eyebrows, a questioning look on his face before dissolving into a mischievous grin. "Whatever. So let's get the details down."

Lily nodded in approval, suddenly feeling rather daring. She had broken rules before, sneaking out, talking back to the Heads, etc. etc. but never on such a big scale as this. It was actually pretty exciting.

"Okay, so I was thinking of changing the colors and the house animal for _every _house," Sirius went on, gesturing slightly with his right hand. "Like, for the Slytherins, I was thinking of a flubberworm as their animal and the colors of pink and white."

Peter snickered. "Brilliant. This is going to be one of the best ones yet."

"Hopefully McGonagall isn't tipped off of the prank like _last _time," said Sirius, tapping his chin. "So any ideas for the other houses?"

"Well, naturally, a kitten for Gryffindor," Remus said contemplatively, tapping his chin. "Since you know, our animal is a lion?"

"What about Ravenclaw?" Peter inquired. "What is the animal anyway? Hawk?"

"It's an eagle, dumb arse," Sirius cut in contemptuously. "Can't you tell?"

Peter narrowed his eyes, crossing his arms in the process. "You know, you're being very rude today."

"And you're being really ugly today. Oh wait, that's every day."

"Play nice, boys," Lily cut in with a grin, leaning back into the bed with ease she had never felt before in her old life. "So what should the animal be?"

"An ugly duckling," Sirius confirmed, nodding approvingly. "There's nothing more humiliating than an ugly duckling when your mascot was previously a _magnificent _eagle." He flapped his "wings" slightly, pretending to be the majestic creature the Ravenclaws so loved. Remus held back a snicker.

"And Hufflepuff?"

Lily widened her eyes, an un-Lily-like smirk spreading over her face. "I think we shouldn't even change the animal for the Hufflepuffs," she declared gleefully. Sirius gave her a strange look, cocking his head slightly.

"Why?"

"Because it's already terrible enough," she shrugged, brushing off a piece of lint from her sleeve. "Besides, it'll be more insulting to them that we _didn't _change it."

Instead of the disdainful disapproval she had predicted, the idea was actually cheered of.

"_Brilliant!_" cried Remus, slapping Lily approvingly on the back with a large smile, uncharacteristic of Remus' personality of shabbiness and quietness she had observed previously on her own. He was truly different when he was with the three mates he had deemed brothers.

"_Nice_, mate," said Sirius, nodding towards Lily who was just becoming proud with her accomplishment. "Now we just have the more details to plan out. This is going to be_ legendary_."

"Another disciplinary card for Filch to fill out," mumbled Remus, looking amused.

"And to add to our ever-increasing drawer," Peter snickered.

"This is going to be _fun_."

– – – – –

_Day 4 of Switching Bodies– _

"Lily, aren't you going to go to your tutoring session?"

James looked up from the book he was dozing over. Discreetly wiping away some of the drool that had leaked from between his lips, he glanced up at Emmeline Vance. "Wha–?"

"Lily, drool," she pointed, gesturing towards the corner of James' lip. Scowling at Emmeline, he wiped away the gross dribble away.

"So are you going to your tutoring session?"

James cocked his eyebrows. "What tutoring session?"

"The one you have with Amber Hummands? Remember?"

"Amber Hummands? Isn't she supposed to be a little..." James searched for the suitable word. "_Thick?_"

Emmeline raised her eyebrows, shaking her head in disapproval. "_Lily_, that's not nice. Amber just has some... uh, _problems _with learning. You knew that."

"Did I?" mumbled James, leaning on his arm, still fuzzy-minded due to the short nap he had indulged in. "So when is this tutoring session?"

"Right now!"

Grumbling to himself, James slowly pulled himself off from the armchair, stretching out his arms and yawning obnoxiously. Emmeline observed the entirety of it with an expression of utter disgust. James threw her a slight grin, pretending to be in an amiable mood.

"Why don't you hurry up?" Emmeline frowned, taking James' old armchair and opening the book she had brought. "You're already late, you know."

"Amber Hummands can wait," he yawned, scratching his hair. "So where is she?"

"Library," sighed Emmeline, rolling her eyes. "I can't believe you don't even remember where the person you're tutoring _is_."

James, rolling his eyes, slung his heavy bag over his shoulder and began to make his way _away _from the disagreeable Miss Emmeline Vance, when he suddenly stopped and turned back with a sheepish smile. Emmeline glanced up at him, eyebrows raised.

"Yes?"

"What, er, am I tutoring her on again?" he inquired. Emmeline groaned, crossing her arms.

"Are you serious?"

James resumed a stern expression. "Quite."

"Charms, you dolt."

"Ah, I knew that," James laughed nervously, snapping his fingers. "Thanks for, uh, _refreshing _my memory, Miss Vance. I'll be making my way towards the library now."

"Finally," Emmeline returned dryly, glancing down at her book once more. "Don't forget to have fun."

Rolling his eyes and muttering, "Yeah, _right_," James hurriedly made his way towards the library, clutching the Charms textbook closely to his chest, biting his lip at the aspect of having to tutor a subject that was probably his worst.

– – – – –

Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts, and one of the most influential man in the Wizarding World, kicking off his fame with his Thirteen Uses of Dragon Blood, settled by the fireside, a book in his left hand and a phoenix on his right. His toasted his feet, staring down at his blanket-covered knees from behind his half-moon spectacles, thinking of today which had been surprisingly great.

In the morning, much to his surprise and delight, he had discovered one of his wool socks which he had believed was lost forever ever since that silly house elf had decided to punish him when he had suggested freedom might suit the house elf much better than manual labor. How he had regretted saying so after he realized only _one _of his socks were missing, a case that drove him crazy, but now it was back! The wool sock surrounded his five wriggling toes.

Another great thing that happened was the fact that there had been a great big vat of porridge for him awaiting him at the Great Hall for breakfast. Now, here's a fact about Dumbledore: he loved porridge. Professor McGonagall always wrinkled her nose and settled for a nice hot cup of tea with her toast and marmalade. He had never understood the appeal of such a dry and dull breakfast; porridge was the way to go.

During breakfast, he had avoided accidentally dipping his long white beard into the porridge and managed to ignore Slughorn's grousing about not being allowed to directly order alcoholic beverages from Hogwarts, complaining how he was forced to go all the way to Hogsmeade _just _to grab a good bottle of sherry.

The rest of the morning was spent avoiding paperwork by asking Fawkes to "accidentally" set a few documents aflame, just for amusement. Minerva had scolded him terribly for his tomfoolery, but he dismissed her and instead offered a lemon drop, which she declined with an irritated sniff, instead murmuring about "hundred year professor acting like a fifteen year old boy".

After his productive morning, he had taken a tour around the school and was immensely amused to find Miss Lily Evans, or who _appeared _as Miss Lily Evans, at the library, obviously tutoring a certain Miss Amber Hummands on Charms. She seemed to be struggling to remember quite a few concepts, despite the few awards she had received from the school for her brilliant charmwork and the praise she received every Charms class from Professor Flitwick.

Professor Dumbledore then walked past the group of four boys legendary in the school for their mischief and their large disciplinary file in Filch's office. He noted that Mister James Potter looked particularly uncomfortable about something, but only for a few moments for he soon returned to expression of utter indifference he was so notorious for. The boys dropped their voices to a whisper when Professor Dumbledore had walked past and he took it as a sign that they were again planning for a prank that would probably infuriate Filch and Minerva, but excite everyone else.

Fawkes murmured a little cry by the fireside and Professor Dumbledore glanced over, gently feeling the softness of the bird's feathers. He smiled gently.

"Today was a good day, wasn't it?" he murmured, recollecting the memory of the morning especially and Minerva's expression after the document had been set aflame. "I believe Mister Potter and Miss Evans were the most peculiar cases I've seen today, though."

Fawkes gave the professor a strange look, something along the lines of, "You batty old man, why are you talking to your pet bird? Why don't you go make some friends instead of resorting to conversations with your bird?" Dumbledore ignored the look.

"Professor Dumbledore! Professor Dumbledore!" came the frantic cry at the door, sounding terribly like the Transfiguration Professor. Sighing, Dumbledore placed the bookmark and called out.

"Come in, Minerva."

The frazzled professor burst into the room, stray hairs freeing themselves from her tight bun. Professor Dumbledore raised his eyebrows, putting down his book completely.

"Whatever is the –"

"You must come quickly," she interrupted in an exhausted voice. "It's Potter and Black."

A smile spread over Dumbledore's face as he stood up from his warm seat. He turned to Fawkes. "Well, and here I was, thinking the fun was over."

Being Fawkes could give him another meaningful look, Dumbledore and McGonagall had fled down to the Great Hall where all the excitement had erupted.

* * *

Hey everyone! Guess what? I'm a _liar_!

. . . Yeah. That's right. I lied to you all. And I'm very sorry about that. I think I said, "the next update will be in a few days!" Yeah... _Lies_. I'm not even going to talk about updating since I'm going to end up lying.

Just a note, I _love _writing Dumbledore in a sort of crazy way. I realize it might be slighty canon, but it's really hard to write Dumbledore well. I usually make him too cold or too silly. I just don't want him to be a weird, boring old man who has a beard. Give him an injection of character, you know?

Must run now. My feet are cold, by the way. I think you guys should send me a heat pack so I could warm my feet so it won't turn black or anything.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Chapter Nine**

James stared at the essay paper that had been shoved in front of his eyes, blinking stupidly and trying to find a handful of intelligent words to prove that he _did _know what he was doing and he wasn't making up rubbish just to get out of tutoring. Amber Hummands examined him exasperatedly.

"Lily, you said you knew this charm _perfectly _last week!" she cried, looking put out. "That's why I waited until today because I thought you were going to help me!"

James gritted his teeth, tapping his knuckles against the table. Ten minutes into the tutoring session and he had already began to show his stupidity. Just how on _earth _was he supposed to explain the nonsense he didn't understand well himself? This was just too much.

"Lily," the girl whined once more.

"_Be quiet, alright?_" James snapped rudely, clutching his head in exasperation. "Can't you see that I'm trying to remember? I'm not your babysitter, you know. Maybe you should've done this last week instead of procrastinating! Maybe that's why you're failing Charms!"

Intimidated by James' sharp words and how his eyes had bulged out of his sockets in a frightening way, Amber shrunk back, squeaking slightly under her breath while James wrestled with the terms and the concepts that he did not know at all, but was supposed to teach.

"So, I think this is the main concept," James began in a serious tone, pointing out a certain phrase in the textbook.

"Actually, it's not," replied Amber in a timid voice. "Are you sure you're feeling okay, Lily? You're getting everything wrong– "

"_Who said I was wrong?_" snarled James, throwing his fists down on the desk, causing a thunderous noise to ring throughout the library. Madame Pince shot him a sharp look and began reprimanding him French, something James brushed aside easily.

"Why am I wrong?" James demanded, hands at hips in the most intimidating manner. "You have no authority to tell me that I'm wrong. You know what? _You're _wrong. Not me. _You_."

"But– "

"Who's the one who's _tutoring_, hm? That's right, me. Not _you_, Amber Hummands, but _me_, Lily Evans. Yeah, so I think the _tutor _knows what's right instead of what her _tutoree. _So why don't you, _shut your mouth_–" James thumped the table again, eyes flashing. "– And _finish this homework assignment?_"

Squeaking, Amber pulled the crushed essay paper from James' grasp and retreated to the far end of the table, nodding and agreeing, beginning to look through her textbook and write down the answers James had provided just out of his whim, mostly through guesswork.

Satisfied with the performance he had given so convincingly, James leaned back in his squeaking chair and picked at his nails, occasionally shooting Amber Hummands a glare when she looked up to check whether Lily had returned to her sane self.

_This isn't too bad_, he thought to himself, glancing about the library distractedly. _Just sit and watch the girl get everything wrong. Actually really funny if you think about it._

"Um, Lily? I think I'm done," whispered Amber in a shaking voice, handing over the parchment. James snatched it from her hands, scowling to keep up appearances, and began examining the paper.

Before he could read over the completely wrong answers, a sudden cry of surprise interrupted his thought process. Thinking it to be Amber, he jumped up from the chair, about to scold her again when she shook her head and nervously pointed over to the third year who had actually screamed.

"_No screaming in the library!_" snarled the irritated Madame Pince, glaring daggers at the unfortunate Ravenclaw, but he took no notice.

"Someone changed our mascot to a disgusting, ugly bird!" he yelled for all Ravenclaws to hear. "In the Great Hall! Come on!"

James exchanged a quick and confused look with Amber who was biting her nails, her eyebrows raised and her eyes clouded with confusion herself. Not wanting to miss the fun for having to babysit a dotard, James said as coldly as possible, "I'm afraid I must withdraw my tutoring services for the night since you've _defied _my direction–" Insert angry and intimidating glare here. "–And possibly ashamed me. It will be your fault if no one wants to be tutored by me again."

"But Lily–"

"That's _Miss _Evans, to you!" barked James, beginning to gather his things and shoving it into his bag as quickly as possible. "Your argumentative nature is _simply _impossible to work with. I think you need a time-out, Amber. Why don't you think about what you did until next week?" Amber looked absolutely frightened and nodded her head weakly. "Well then–" James gave a forced smile. "Toodles."

He clomped out of the library in his boots he had found in Lily's closet, Madame Pince shooting him annoyed looks for making excessive and unnecessary noise, but before she could do anything more, he had already left the library and was running towards the Great Hall, his mind swarming with ideas with what could have possibly occurred.

"Slow down, Evans!" a few people shouted at him when he nearly collided with them. James responded only with a finger from his hand which offended quite a lot of people.

What could the scream from that Ravenclaw boy possibly mean? What did it have to do with anything? James desperately wanted to know and wondered if his mates were behind this scheme. Who else could it possibly be?

Before he knew it, he had arrived at the Great Hall doors which were wide open to allow admittance to anyone who wished to enter. The moment before his entrance, the doors shut themselves quickly and snarled when he tried to push them open.

"What in the–?" James scowled, cursing. "Why did you doors decide to close just _now_? I have a spectacle to see! Open up! _Alohamora! _C'mon!"

He glanced at the tall wooden doors and could hear the people milling about inside, whispers quite evident along with the shouts of irritation and fury. There was nothing he wanted more than to burst through those doors and see just what the hell was happening.

"Why did you doors close?" cried James, kicking at the bottom of the wood furiously. "I need to be in there! Merlin, _why won't you open?_"

A slow creak. It sounded like a voice. James cursed. Was this the legendary waking of the Great Hall doors? It was rumored around the school as a rare event, happening once in one's lifetime. Sirius and James had many times attempted to wake them up with Dungbombs and loud explosives, but nothing had occurred except detentions with Filch. But this had to happen _now_? When he was trying to get into the bloody Great Hall? _When the biggest thing ever was happening right behind them?_

"Excuse me," James began, slightly more respectful. "But have you doors been woken up?"

Grunt and a creak. "_Yesss. . ._" Their voices sounded like a whisper produced during a great inhale. It was so faint, James was surprised he could hear it over the murmurs of the crowd inside.

"Well, what can I do to get inside the Great Hall?"

Grunt. "_Ahn-swer ahhh riddle. . ._"

James cursed. Was this another sphinx-like deal where he had to answer a bloody question to get through the doors and if he didn't, he would be "cursed forever" or something along those morbid lines? Great. His life was certainly improving by the moment.

"Well, what's the bloody riddle then, mate?" he asked in an irritated tone. He crossed his arms, tapping his feet.

A great creak and a rattle. "_Seeence you ah-re a girl. . . Weee have a girl riddles foh-r you. . ._"

"Which is...?"

"_The mah-n who invented it doessss-n't wah-nt it. . . The mah-n whooo bought it doesss-n't neeh-d it. The mah-n who neeh-ds it doesss-n't know it. Whah-t is it?_"

"It's an STD," James answered irritatedly, crossing his arms. "Like I've never heard that one before."

The doors fell silent for a moment. James assumed it was because they were stricken with shock at his brilliant prowess at solving toddler riddles. He was anticipating the creaking open of doors when the doors spoke again.

"_Thaat isn't quite right. . ._"

"Yes it is!" James argued, furrowing his brow. "The guy who invented it doesn't want it. The guy who bought it from the prostitute, doesn't need the STD and the dude who needs it is a douche, so of course he doesn't know he needs it. It totally fits!"

"_Buh-t the correct ahn-swer isss a coffin. . ._"

"But mine totally works too. I think it's a double answer riddle you threw at me there. So can I get through now?" He looked up at the tall wooden doors hopefully. There was a small sigh as the doors slowly creaked open.

_ "Somehow thattt makes sense to us. . ._"

"Score!" James cried triumphantly, shaking his fist and jumping into the Great Hall. It was absolute and unruly chaos in the room. James could only gape.

"What's going on?" he inquired discreetly to a nearby Hufflepuff who was bright red in the face, whether from anger or embarrassment, he couldn't tell.

"_Look at our house mascots!_" the Hufflepuff screeched, jabbing furiously. James looked up, curiously.

"But it's exactly the same..."

"_Exactly!_" snarled the Hufflepuff, fists clenched. "Do you know how insulting that is? As if _Hufflepuffs _aren't good enough to be thought about by the bloody pranksters! I'll have you know that Hufflepuffs are _extremely _loyal folk who are hardworking–"

"Yeah, yeah," James dismissed, walking past the annoying Hufflepuff and latching himself unto another Gryffindor instead. "What's going on?"

"Someone changed all the house mascots and colors to something ridiculous," the girl answered, waving her hand dismissively as if it wasn't worth anything. "It's silly, but quite funny. A lot of other people are enraged though."

"Who could've done this–"

"Who do you think?" the girl interjected immediately, a slight blush creeping to her cheeks. "Probably James Potter and that Sirius Black and the rest of their gang. They're both so adorable, but I think James' gay." The girl frowned.

"Actually, I heard that was just a joke," said James icily. "You know. Boys joke around."

The girl gave her a strange look. "I thought you would rather be glad about that. He wouldn't bother you anymore and–"

"Nevermind." James quickly maneuvered to another place where he could stand and gawk at the blazons freely. This was how basically it looked:

The previously magnificent colors and animals seem to have switched into something utterly scandalous and _quite _sacrilegious if you were a purist about Houses. The Slytherin colors were changed from the elegant green and silver to sparkling pink and white with a wiggling flobberworm adorning the proud pink-and-white blazon. For the Ravenclaws, there waddled a poor ugly duckling, its feathers strewn to the ground, its bill a strange off-purple color with an eye bigger than the other. The color were hard to tell, but seemed to be composed of puce and red.

By the Ravenclaws was the Gryffindor blazon which had been reduced to a green and silver kitten who was purring and playing with a silver ball of yarn by its feet. The Slytherins and Gryffindors alike were scandalized and could only stammer and stare. However, the best of the four was the Hufflepuff house but unlike the others, _absolutely nothing had been changed_. Most of the Hufflepuffs gritted their teeth while their mates from other houses roared with laughter, shaking their head. The sad badger occupied its yellow and black space, staring down at the students as if blaming them for not being changed into something.

"Can you believe this?" laughed Emmeline as she approached James, shaking her head with Mary behind her. "This is _outrageous!_"

Mary was laughing and managed to choke out only a few words. "_So. Funny._"

"A lot of Transfiguration must have gone towards this," James remarked, awed and feeling very humbled. It was a _brilliant_, most _genius _idea. He wanted to shake hands with the person who had thought of this. "I mean, this is just–This is just brilliant."

Mary and Emmeline exchanged quick looks, surprised that James (who was in Lily's body, remember) wasn't seething with anger and irritation at the obvious vandalism of school property. They seem to enjoy this change and grinned back at him instead, Mary carefully patting James' back. James pretended not to notice.

"_What's going on here?_" came Filch's craggly voice. The students didn't bother to mind him, but continued on snickering or seething at the display of house sacrilege. Filch's eyes bulged at seeing the four blazons messed up in such a way and his eyes took on a hungry glitter, muttering, "Must get Professor McGonagall then... She'll get Professor Dumbledore and won't _that _be a fun time?"

In a few more minutes, McGonagall indeed burst through the doors of the Great Hall with Professor Dumbledore following behind her, looking serene and calm despite McGonagall's obvious frazzled state of mind.

"I always tell you that you're a good Transfiguration professor, Minerva," remarked Dumbledore as he stared up at the mascots. "Think of how you're educating your students If they've risen to _this _level of Transfiguration."

McGonagall scowled instead. "I don't think you quite understand the point of us being here, Albus. We're not here to admire their Transfiguration handiwork, but to make them change it back again. It's absolutely scandalous! Why look at this!" McGonagall wildly gestured. "They've even changed the hourglasses!"

Chuckling, Dumbledore to his stance up to the focal point of the room and the noise eventually died down when he stood patiently with a twinkling in his eye. When all was silent and everyone was in a mood to listen, he said loudly, "Now, I'm sure everyone's admiring the pretty new ways the houses have been decorated." A few scattered chuckles. "But most of you don't seem very thrilled with the new look."

"Headmaster, this is a disgrace!" an angry seventh year Hufflepuff declared. "Ridiculing the Hufflepuff house like this is _not _a good example of house unity! We Hufflepuffs are tired of being put down all the time!"

"_Hear, hear!_" came the collective irritated shouts. Dumbledore held up a hand and waited until they were silent oncemore.

"I understand that most of you are upset with this arrangement," said the Headmaster. "And we're working the best we can to find the culprit." The last bit was sort of a sarcastic comment because there was only _one _group of boys that could possibly ever be suspected. However, a clueless boy who obviously had not understood the sarcasm spoke up loudly, enraged that his beloved Slytherin house had been so ridiculed.

"I know who it is!" he yelled. "It was that Potter and Black!"

Murmurs of agreement and snorts of, "No _duh_," swept through the Great Hall. James could only stare up at Dumbledore wordlessly, too shocked that Lily might have gone on with Sirius' pranking plans.

"Well, is Mister Potter and Black present in the Great Hall?" Dumbledore inquired, fully knowing that he needn't have asked. There was a burst of "_Yoohoo!_" and amused waves from a small corner at the back. Dumbledore smiled, folding his hands together. "Please resume to your evening activities. There's nothing more to see here."

* * *

Who else thinks this chapter is awesome? And those of you who think it's _not_, let me give you a reason why it is:

IT HAS A RIDDLE ABOUT STDS IN IT.

I rest my case. It's the most awesome chapter _ever_. In the history of most awesome chapters. _Yess!_


	10. Chapter Ten

**Chapter Ten**

Four boys sat up in their chairs, backs straight and stiff, almost uncomfortable. Their expressions were devoid of any emotions, at least for the time being. They were waiting for the presence of the care-taker who needed to be present at the small court case that was about to occur. Judge Dumbledore, his snow-white beard firm on his chin and his glasses perched on his nose, sat behind his strong desk, his hands folded and staring at the boys. Behind him was Sheriff McGonagall, eyes sharp and appearance frazzled. She looked like she was puzzled between being ecstatic for the high range of magic or being furious for the school's blazons treated in such way. Finally, Filch arrived, Mrs. Norris close to his heel.

"I assume everyone is back in their common rooms," began Dumbledore, addressing Filch. He nodded back gruffly.

"The prefects and the Heads drove them back," he said. He shot a glare at the four boys, sitting silently, but not quite guiltily. "I have a perfect suggestion for their crimes, Professor Dumbledore. I've been studying a few methods on medieval torture and–"

"Thank you, Argus," interrupted Dumbledore, holding up his hand. "But I'll leave Professor McGonagall to make the decisions regarding their punishment as the boys arein her house." Filch looked immensely disappointed as if someone had popped his balloon and made him eat the pieces.

"Is anyone willing to explain what exactly happened?" Dumbledore inquired, glancing at the four boys who were staring down at the carpeting, absorbed by the patterns. Sirius slowly raised his hands, carefully tearing his gaze away from the carpet. Dumbledore smiled. "Mister Black?"

"Professor, I think this is a brilliant carpet you have here," Sirius began. "The red is so vivid and the patterns are great. I'm guessing it's from the... nineteenth century?"

"Accurate, Mister Black," replied Dumbledore with a nod. "This indeed is an nineteenth-century carpet, dated close to 1875, if I remember correctly. I believe that was during the Victorian Era."

Sirius nodded excitedly. "Interesting! Do you know where it was–"

"_Ahem_," McGonagall interrupted, her eyebrows raised. "I do believe the topic that should be discussed is _not _the carpet, Mister Black, but your conduction today towards the blazons of the school." Sirius blushed. Dumbledore glanced up from the carpet himself.

"Thank you Minerva," he said, smiling at her briefly. His gaze returned to the boys who were now staring at Fawkes in the background, grooming his feathers. The particularly immature fifteen year olds snickered when Fawkes began pecking at his lower area. McGonagall sighed.

"So, Mister Black, as you seem to be most _talkative_–" Sirius glanced back at Dumbledore from Fawkes and grinned at the Headmaster cheekily. "Would you mind explaining to me exactly what happened?"

"Why, sure Headmaster!" he agreed heartily, clapping his hands on his knees. "Well, there was I, sitting in my Transfiguration class, bored out of my mind, because, _you know_, it's the most dull subject _ever _especially when you've had lots of fun the night before–" Sirius wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, daring the professors to guess just _what _he'd been up to. McGonagall scowled at him. "–And I suddenly got this _revelation_. It was like, from the gods or something, it was so brilliant. So I was like, '_Oh Merlin's Buttocks_, I _must _tell my best mate James!' You know him." Sirius smacked Lily's arm. She scowled at him.

"I'm not sure a complete narrative is necessary–" McGonagall began, glancing at Dumbledore in a pleading way.

"_Uh, no_." Sirius shook his head, holding out his hand. "Please. Details are _crucial_. As always."

Dumbledore looked amused and wiggled his toes happily. "Let him continue, Minerva."

"_Anyway_," Sirius went on, examining his nails. "So James was like, 'You're the smartest person ever. Let me salute you and lick your feet.'"

"_That's not what I said!_" Lily hissed.

"Says you," Sirius answered breezily. "Then we all agreed to it and mates always stick together so we went on with the plan and..." He glanced around him with a grin. "Here we are."

Dumbledore looked as if he was suppressing a chuckle while McGonagall and Filch looked as if they would gladly begin yelling and strangle the four without a second thought at liability issues. Remus glared at Sirius, recognizing the venomous glares coming from the two.

"Quite a creative prank, Mister Black," remarked Dumbledore with a nod of his head. "You have a gift of creativity and using resources around you."

"Thank you, Headmaster," grinned Sirius, flattered. McGonagall gave Dumbledore a look of indignation that said, "What are you _doing_? You're supposed to be punishing them!" Dumbledore dismissed the obvious look, having run out of patience for the meaningful looks he was always getting from the Transfiguration professor and his pet bird.

"Actually, you _all _have the gift," Dumbledore said, clasping his hands together. "It's quite remarkable really. I've never encountered students who were so _dedicated _and exact about creative work like this."

Remus exchanged looks with Lily, both confused. "Erm, thank you Headmaster," replied Remus tentatively, nudging Sirius slightly as a form of warning to be on his guard. However, Sirius grinned widely instead.

"So dedicated and exact and creative in fact," began Dumbledore, his blue eyes twinkling with amusement. Lily swallowed, her stomach fluttering. She could feel something awful coming along. "I believe you should collect potion ingredients for Professor Slughorn. It's a task that requires undivided attention and since you all are excellent at pursuing one task at a time..." He trailed off, glancing up at McGonagall. "And I _believe _he was speaking of needing thestral dung and newt eye jelly just recently. This morning, I think. Yes, Minerva?"

McGonagall merely nodded, a slight amused look on her face. Sirius' smile sank into distaste.

"Headmaster, surely you can't hate us that much," grumbled he with a pinch of his mouth. "We're here to brighten up the school and you just throw a bundle of hatred at our heads."

"We're merely throwing back to _you _the bundle of hatred you've tossed at our heads, Mister Black," McGonagall replied primly. "Your detentions will begin tomorrow at dawn."

"_Dawn?_" Lily spluttered, eyes bulging from her head. "Why do we have to get up that early for?"

"Mister Potter, I thought you would _certainly _know that thestrals feces are never sighted at any other time than dawn," Dumbledore interjected with a knowing look towards Lily and she knew fully what he meant. And she _had _known. It was just a matter of acceptance.

"I'll be seeing you in a few, scant hours," McGonagall addressed with a smug smile that she was trying to hide. Sirius scowled, but didn't reply.

"Please return to your common rooms," began Dumbledore with a chuckle. "And close the door behind you."

– – – – –

James was pacing in the girls' dormitories. "What the hell happened? What the hell do you _think _happened to them?"

"Lily, why are you being all... irritating?" Mary interrupted, looking up from her textbook which she had been trying to study for the past hour. "Well, more than usual." James scowled at her. "But why do you care? I thought you _didn't_ care! What's wrong with you?"

"I _don't _care," James replied lightly. "I'm just wondering if Filch got to, um, test out his methods on them as he always wanted to."

"They probably just got off with detention," Emmeline suggested as she continued to knit her scarf. James found that Emmeline was a master at knitting; she had already made a few pairs of mittens, and many scarves decorated the interior of her closet. "You know they always do," she added.

"Let's converse of more important subjects," Mary began with a sigh, flipping back on her bed, causing dust mites to fly into the air with an inaudible squeak and plummet to the ground to their deaths. Poor dust mites.

"And what exactly are these more important subjects?" Emmeline inquired.

"_Ancient Runes!_" burst out Mary passionately, chucking the book off her bed in irritation. "Today's class was the most discouraging class of Ancient Runes I have ever attended in my life."

"Oh, come on, it wasn't _that_ bad," Emmeline replied with a shrug. "He just has a tendency to tweak his words around a little."

"A _little_?" cried Mary, jumping up from the bed. "You mean _always_! And he keeps repeating himself but using completely different words! It was terribly confusing and by the end of that class, I was ready to stab a quill into the face of the next person who said, _Ancient Runes_."

Emmeline rolled her eyes. "Smooth, McDonald. What did _you _think, Lily? I honestly didn't think it was that bad."

The two glanced over at James expectantly, probably expecting him to say something confident and reflecting his independent views. James merely gulped.

"Um, I, er, I–" he stammered for a while, but in the end, just sighed and decided honesty was the best policy. "I actually didn't understand a single bleeding word that man uttered."

_Probably because I'm not even supposed to be taking that class, _he added in his mind.

Mary let out a triumphant "_Ha!_" while Emmeline rolled her eyes again and murmured, "Very mature."

For James, the problem with switching bodies with Lily had been the fact that she took much more advanced classes and packed in more work into her schedule than it was possible to complete them. Most of the time, James was finding that all-nighters were crucial just to _finish _homework. Then he had study. And do reading assignments. And prepare for the next day. It was enough to kill a bloody thestral.

"So, Lily, has James Potter caught your eye? For real?" Mary remarked, breaking James out his rambling thoughts. He glanced over, confused for a moment since it took more than minute for his brain to process words sometimes.

"Oh. _Oh!_" James recollected, rummaging his mind on what to say. "Um, no. I was just joking. Thought it would be a good joke. Ha ha."

Mary raised her eyebrows. "Are you sure? You seemed rather serious."

"Like, a _lot_," Emmeline added, staring at James curiously. "Are you sure? Have you thought about it?"

James, with a "What-the-_hell_" expression on his face, repeated, "Thought about it?"

"Yeah, did you think about it?" Mary repeated as if James was a crazy idiot. "You know, went over all the details? Made sure you don't have any secret attachment to him or anything?"

_Girls actually _do _this kind of shit?_ James asked himself, a disgusted expression on his face.

"Yes, I thought about it," he lied, just to avoid inquisition. Mary sighed, waving her hand at him in a way of dismissal.

"You are _such _a nun, Lily," she remarked, rolling her eyes. "You haven't dated anyone since last year when Phillip Engles asked you out for the first time."

James sat, stunned, thinking of Phillip Engles. That boy was... _disgusting_. So Lily would rather date Phillip-bloody-Engles rather than James-spectacular-Potter? There was something obviously wrong with her eyesight since it was so _evident _to everyone else that James-spectacular-Potter was much better looking than Phillip-bloody-Engles. And what kind of name was Phillip anyway? Was he a royal or something? I mean, they lived in the twentieth century for crying out loud. What was up with the name? That boy's parents must have hated the boy. Or just liked to giggle at their son's silly name since they had no social life whatsoever. Poor boy.

"How's Sirius, Mary?" Emmeline inquired in a sly voice. "Still catches your eye?"

Mary blushed, smiling slightly. "He's the same."

James' eyes bulged. "You like _who_?"

"You know, Sirius," murmured Mary in a shy voice. "You should know by now, Lily Evans!"

"I think you two are so cute together," Emmeline remarked with a grin. "You could totally double date with Lily and James."

_Double date? With Sirius Black and Mary McDonald? _James thought, his mind whirling crazily._ Sirius would make all the crude and nasty jokes in the world while Mary would probably chatter away with Lily. They'd end up conspiring against me because they're females! Then I wouldn't even have a chance! And then Sirius will pretend to like Lily and– _

"N- No!" bellowed James, jumping from his bed, only to smack his head on one of the poles on the bed, it being a four-poster bed. Mary snickered.

"I was just teasing!" said Emmeline, raising her eyebrows. "You don't need to get so worked up!"

James clutched his forehead, groaning slightly. "Please... just no. Never again. I will just..."

"Maybe she's just too shy to talk to James," teased Mary, looking devious. "Or talk _about _him."

"Oh, shut up."

Mary grinned. "See?"

"_McDonald!_" James hissed while nudging the poor egg-sized lump on the top of his sorry head. "Why are you so annoying?"

"Some might say that's my job," she replied coolly, the grin still present on her face. James couldn't help but think of Sirius at the moment; he was so like Mary... Since they were both arseholes and all.

"Ugh, I have cramps," Mary suddenly began, clutching her stomach and leaning back into her four-poster bed again. "Am I leaking?"

"Um, I'm sure I really wanted to be blessed with the knowledge that my mate might be _leaking_," Emmeline interrupted, wrinkling her nose in disgust while examining her scarf for a moment. "Why are you so vulgar?"

"Some might say that's my job," Mary said again with a laugh. "But really, do you have a tampon?"

James froze in his spot, his eyes wide. T- Tampon? What the hell was _this_? Were they really talking about_– Oh, bugger, I– _He couldn't stop imagining blood and gallons of it spilling out of his– _Oh Merlin, what if that happens to me? What happens if I get Lily's period shit? What do I do? Fuck, fuck, fuck!_

"Yeah, here, I have one in my bag," Emmeline remarked, putting down her knitting needles to throw a small roll at Mary. She caught it deftly with a toothy grin.

"Thanks, mate," Mary remarked and sauntered towards the bathroom happily. Emmeline shook her head before glancing at Lily with her eyebrows raised.

"Are you alright, Lily?" she inquired worriedly. "You look sort of... pale."

James looked up with a weak grin. "Uh, yeah. Of course. I just remembered I had an exam and_– _I'm just going to go study for it."

"Okay. Library?"

"I don't know. Maybe. Yes."

"Have fun then."

James paused and glanced back at Emmeline with a sardonic expression. "Yeah... I'll have _fun_..."

**The End.**

* * *

_April Fool's! _(About a month late...) It's not actually the end of the story! I hope I managed to trick some people? You know I love writing this too much to stop it here. I'm sorry if I, um, gave some people a heart attack... Please don't sue...

On another note, it's official. I'm obsessed with thestrals and anything vulgar pertaining to them. It must be a psychological disorder. I can't tame this wild streak in me. I'm going to use it until it becomes lame. _Oh Merlin, it's a curse!_


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Chapter Eleven**

James skipped steps to the Owlery, breathing heavily and his fist clenched tightly. Sure, it had been only four days, but he was feeling the unbearable strain of being in a smaller, shorter, more intelligent body of a female. He wished for his Quidditch muscles back, his height, his recklessness, and most of all, his ability to carry out his ingenious pranks. How could this have happened _just _because Lily and he had been fighting over a cauldron in Potions a few days ago?

When he entered the Owlery, he found it disgusting as always, owl droppings and feathers decorating the grubby floor and all types of owls lining the walls who stared at him with their sharp eyes. They looked hungry. He fought the urge to run away.

He wasn't actually sure why he was there among volumes of white owl droppings, but his body had carried him there. Finding a pen and parchment in his pockets, he absentmindedly decided to scribble a few words to Lily and send it along as he was in a place to send a letter anyway.

James was in the process of getting his fingers bitten off by Nobby, his angry owl, when the door creaked and the other James walked in, the one who had James' body, the one who was actually Lily Evans. She stared back at him with her eyes wide.

"Oh. What are you doing here?" she whispered at him as she crossed the room to a tawny-colored owl that was probably hers. James crumpled the letter in his fist.

"I was just, um, sending off a letter. You too, huh?" he asked, nodding towards an envelope in her hand.

"Uh, yeah. That's the general idea when one enters the Owlery."

There was a momentary pause as Lily tied the letter to the owl's leg, managing to do so without getting her eyes pecked out by the spiteful creatures. James coughed.

"So, um, that was some prank."

"Oh Merlin," Lily groaned, smacking her forehead. "I should've known you were going to ask me that." James grinned widely, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"How much trouble did you get into?" inquired James with a wide grin, the widest grin that's inhabited his– er, Lily's– face in days.

"A week's worth of detention," Lily groaned, sending off her owl. "And we're collecting thestral dung. At _four __o'clock in the morning_."

James burst out laughing, envisioning Lily bending over a smelly brown patch while the sun remained hiding behind the far away mountains. He could see Sirius rolling around in it like a pig. Ha _ha_.

"Well worth the prank, huh? Because it was a really good one. Who thought of it?"

"Sirius did." Lily scowled. "I wish he hadn't. I hate having to get up when the sun's not even up."

"What did you think of pulling pranks?"

Lily glanced up at him, slightly embarrassed. "I- I, um–" She looked at her surroundings and motioned towards the door. "Here. Let's walk in the corridors for a while. I can't get used to this awful smell."

"So what were you saying?" James inquired as they slipped out of the Owlery and their feet began click-clacking against the stone staircase leading down into the less stinky part of the castle.

"To be honest with you," Lily sighed. "I thought it wasn't necessarily _awful_. Making it happen is certainly more fun than seeing it happen."

James raised his eyebrows. "Ah, does that mean Miss Prefect isn't going to rag us about the pranks?"

"No."

"Damn. Well, I'm glad you didn't have any prefect duties this week," James added with a sigh of relief. "I don't know how I would survive. I have to pull all-nighters just to finish homework for all your bloody classes."

"Well, that's the life of a busy bee," Lily remarked breezily. "It's good to keep yourself busy by doing some good work."

They walked besides each other quietly for a moment, each tasting the awkward bitterness settling over them. Somehow, in only four days, they had managed to learn about each other in a way that could technically be used for blackmail. It was odd thinking about it.

"I wish things would be back to normal," James muttered. "No offense to you, but I hate this body. When I'm in it."

"Don't think I feel any different, Potter," Lily snorted. "I hate your body too."

"Well, we're even then. How many more days?"

"Three."

James sighed. "If only I can survive for that much longer..."

– – – – –

_Day 5 of Switching Bodies_–

Perhaps it was the conversation from last night or not having as much homework, but on the next morning, James rose earlier than any of his roommates, stretching his arms and rubbing his eyes while they still floated in their dreamlands. He entered the lavatory happily, feeling a magnificent day coming on. Unfortunately, it would all be spoiled when he pulled down his pants to do his business with the toilet.

Being a bloke, it had taken James a few tries to remember that he was to enter the girls' lavatory, realize that the girls' lavatory did not hold urinals, and that he had to enter a stall and _not_ stand above the toilet, but take a seat as if he was taking a dump.

So that morning, he took his designated seat at the toilet seat, humming happily to himself and did his business. He idly glanced towards the insides of his panties and almost passed out from the shock of it all.

Blood. Blood. _Blood_.

What the hell was this?

James was about to let out a blood-curdling, milk-curdling, toe juice-curdling scream, when he stopped himself just in time, by remembering that he was in a woman's body and women went through, um, odd transformations like Remus every month. It was, er, a normal and magical thing in a woman's life. It was something everyone should appreciate. He was quoting his mother after his cousin got her... _thing_.

_I know what the hell is happening, _James began, staring at his panties with a disgusted look. _But what am I supposed to do about this? I don't know anything about, um, taking care of the _necessaries_._

He sat on the toilet for a few moments in thought before he remembered last night's conversation. Emmeline had, er, a stash of those... things, er, tampons, in her bag. He distinctly remember that fact as he had attempted imagining how one would, um, insert such a thing.

_Where's her bag? _James wondered to himself as he slid out of the lavatory. It took a few moments, but he found it leaning against her four-poster bed. The curtain was drawn firmly. Breathing a sigh of relief, he rummaged through before he found the little thin stick that he had seen Emmeline throw at Mary on the previous day. He rushed back to his toilet.

_Um, what the hell am I supposed to do with this? _he asked himself, staring blankly at the wrap. _Are there any, erm, instructions anywhere?_

He looked everywhere. Nothing. What was he supposed to do then?

"Let's think through this calmly," he began nervously as the feeling of utter panic started to overthrow his mind. "A, um, tampon goes, uh, inside. Inside. Yes, inside. Inside where?"

He could hear Sirius' voice in his mind. _Inside where? Are you honestly telling me that you don't know, mate? After all the stuff you have under your mattress?_

_ Well, not _that _kind of inside, _he argued back. _Right?_

_ How should I know? I'm only the voice of Sirius in your mind._

_ Well, that helps, _he thought to himself sarcastically. James returned to staring at the little white thing in his hand. He was feeling completely at loss.

"What to do, what to do," he muttered to himself in a much calmer voice than he was feeling. He knew exactly what he had to do. He was supposed to shove the damn thing, um, _up there_, but how could he do it? Wouldn't it hurt? Wouldn't that be a weird thing to do? And how did girls do this all the time? It seemed rather indecent. And awkward.

Shutting his eyes tightly, James bit his lips. He hoped it wouldn't hurt.

– – – – –

"What the hell is wrong with Evans today? It actually looks like she has a pole up her arse."

Lily glared at Sirius who had his mouth crammed full of buttered biscuits, raising her eyebrows. He shrugged back at her and pointed his biscuit towards the general direction. Lily looked and indeed saw herself, or what was her body, limping rather uncomfortably. The expression was one of misery.

"What's wrong with her?" Peter raised up the question.

"Who cares?" yawned Remus, stabbing his bowl of porridge savagely. "I could care less about anyone and how they look like, especially when I've been up since four."

"But it's Evans, James' love."

"I can't bring myself to care. Even for Lily. I need at least eight hours of sleep for that."

Lily snorted. "Well, thanks a lot, Remus."

"Stop your little quarrels," sighed Sirius, brushing back his long hair. "But let's decide what to do next."

"What do you mean next?" Lily looked positively confused.

"The next prank, of course!"

Lily dropped her fork in complete shock. "Sirius, we're picking up _thestral dung_ every morning at four o'clock in the morning as _punishment _for pulling a damn prank of yours. And you want to pull _another one?_"

"Of course." His expression was matter-of-fact. "That's never stopped us before."

Groaning, she laid her head down on the table and grumbled, "Well, leave me out of it. I hate getting up at four in the morning."

"Actually earlier," Remus responded grumpily. "Since we have to get dressed and shit."

"Remus, language," admonished Sirius with a wide grin. Remus glanced back at him with a completely shocked expression.

"How are _you _so chipper and irritating when you've only gotten four hours of sleep?"

"No idea," he responded, rubbing his chin thoughtfully, "But it probably has something to do with the fact that I'm only half awake so I can't really do anything else but be irritatingly chipper and cheerful and be nice to everyone. More ketchup, Peter?" Sirius emptied the entire bottle on Peter's eggs. The boy shot him a dirty look and shoved the plate away from him.

"Sirius just ruined my breakfast," he declared in irritation.

"Suck it up, you wuss," answered Remus in a non-compassionate way. He had gotten only two hours of sleep. He _really _couldn't bring himself to care.

While Peter and Remus erupted in a petty word fight, Sirius contributing to it by flicking bits of food into their open and outraged mouths, Lily glanced towards the other end of the Gryffindor table with a concerned air. It was true that James, in her body, was limping awfully, no denial about it, and she was slightly worried. Had he broken his ankle or something drastic like that? She strove to get her question answered.

"I'll be right back," Lily muttered to no one in particular since all of James' mates were too busy trying to pour pumpkin juice on each other's heads. Sirius' cheerful expression had dissipated and he was now concerned with cramming the cork down Remus' pants. She rolled her eyes.

Without attracting the notice of James, Lily plopped herself right next to him, grinning widely at Emmeline and Mary, the parts of her life she had missed the most these past five days. They returned her smile widely; Mary tapped James' shoulder.

"_What?_" he squeaked, spinning around quickly, but then stopping in pain. "_Ouch!_"

Lily stared back at him pointedly. "Ouch?"

"It's usually an acclamation of pain, Potter," he answered as coolly as he could, gritting his teeth due to some pain he was enduring. "But, um–" He leaned in closer over her ear. "Can I talk to you outside the Great Hall?"

Never in her life had James Potter asked– _begged _would be the better word for it, judging by his tone of voice and expression– to talk to her outside the Great Hall. It had always been _in _the Great Hall with megaphones blaring in her ears for her poor eardrums and everyone else in the school to hear. The quiet plead was so surprising that Lily couldn't help but nod and grant him the honor. James, relieved, sighed and sat back and began his role of abusing Lily with, "You are _such _a pig. I don't understand how your mother didn't throw you in the mud after she saw your face, Potter," and "It's this new invention called a _toothbrush_, Potter. Maybe you should try it." After Lily tried her best to turn bright red and ruffle her odd jet-black hair, she walked away. Sirius was waiting at her previous seat.

"What was that about?" he inquired while he tried to get the excess pumpkin juice out of his left nostril. Lily wrinkled her nose in disgust.

"Nothing," she remarked, flinching while backing away slowly. "I'm going to go now. See you in Herbology."

"Bye!" Peter cried cheerfully, waving his hands and releasing the pumpkin juice from his pant legs while attempting to pull the corkscrew from Remus' right ear.

* * *

School. Is. _Done_. You have no idea how relieved I am. I just spent nearly two hours of my life writing _Life_. It was an exhilarating experience. I am thrilled.

It's good to be back!

P.S. If you thought this chapter was gross then... um, good luck with the next one...


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Chapter Twelve**

"What is it?" Lily inquired in a hushed voice, glancing around nervously. She knew she didn't have to be worried as she wasn't in Lily Evans' body anymore, but the thought of being seen with Potter still made her nervous.

"C- Can we go to the lavatory?" James inquired in a strained voice, grasping desperately at Lily's hands. "It's- It's a topic of _utmost _importance."

Lily raised her eyebrows at the words and the hands that had reached out so quickly, but didn't comment as she assisted the poor limping girl– er, boy– to the nearest girls' lavatory. She hoped that no one would enter and find her in there although technically she should be allowed in the lavatory as _she _was the girl, not James.

"What's this about–"

"_You're having your fucking period and I don't know what a fucking tampon does and I fucking tried it and it fucking hurts and oh, Merlin, please tell me you have answers!_" James blurted before Lily could even recover from the initial shock of looking at herself in that skirt that she'd always thought made her arse look fatter than it actually was.

Lily stared back at James quietly. "You tried to put in a tampon?"

"Y- Yes."

It was immature surely, but the idea of James Potter leaning over himself and struggling to get the little white thing in whilst screaming out in pain and cursing under his breath while her friends were on the other side of the door, knocking irritatedly, was enough to cause Lily to roar with laughter.

"You- You tried to– _Hahaha!_" she blurted, clutching her stomach and leaning against a graffiti-covered wall. "Oh, Merlin, this has– Oh, Merlin–" She glanced at James' discomforted face. "_Hahaha!_"

Scowling and crossing his arms, James flinched as he moved to lean against the wall. "You know, this isn't funny at all."

"It's actually–" _Laugh. _"Actually–" _Snort. _"Actually really–" _Chuckle. _"Really funny–"

"Please shut up and just help me," James remarked, clutching his forehead. He was a fifteen year old boy. With a tampon in him. It was enough to make him sick.

"But it's funny," giggled Lily, glancing at him again and cracking a smile. "I can't imagine what trouble you went through. It hurts, doesn't it?"

"Merlin, _yes!_" James squealed as he moved his leg slightly to the left. "Do something! Make it stop!"

Snickering still, Lily gestured towards a stall. "Well, first get in that stall and take the bloody thing out. You'll have to start from the beginning."

"From the beginning?" He blanched, but staggered into the stall anyway, the sound of the lock clattering throughout the echoing lavatory.

"Yes," Lily responded, taking James' bag and rummaging through it quickly. "Do you know how to take it out?"

"Don't you just tug on the damn string? _Ouch!_"

Lily grinned widely and said, "You might want to relax first, Potter and do it _gently_. I don't know how you even convinced yourself to do something like this,but apparently you did and you're obviously paying for it. It probably burns like hell."

"It does!" came James' wail from the stall. "Help me!"

"Potter, I am not about to go into that stall and pull it out for you. Just, um, open your legs a little and nudge it out slowly. It's really not that bad, alright?"

"_No_. Not alright at all."

"Oh, suck it up, Potter! Some of us have to go through this every month!"

"There are worse things to go through every month than simply inserting a tampon," James grumbled under his breath. "Try doing what I do..."

"Do what?" Lily raised her eyebrows, curiosity sparked. "What do you do every month that's so awful?"

"Nothing, nothing," came his dismissal. "_Ouch!_"

"Alright, Potter?"

"Yeah. It's out. What do I do now? This is vile."

"Throw it away." There was a sound of rustling and struggle.

"Oh Merlin, Lily..."

"What?"

James' face peeked out from stall, eyes filled with pure disgust and a tinge of terror. "I'm- I'm _bleeding_. And profusely. What the hell do I do? This is disgusting."

Sighing, Lily tossed the small pinkish pad towards James and he caught it uncertainly, glancing back at her with a frightened and bothered look.

"What's- What's this?" he inquired quietly, turning it over in his hands as if examining it from every angle would assist him in solving the secret of the mysterious pad. Lily rolled her eyes.

"It's a feminine napkin, Potter," she explained as patiently as possible. "Duck your head down and line your knickers with it. It's easier than a tampon and a lot less painful for you." She added the last bit with a nod.

However, James, now that he had been released from domination from extreme pain in the nether areas, decided to act completely smashed to express his regained happiness. Besides, being under the influence of alcohol was a joy of life and he wanted to emulate its effects. Giggling immaturely, he tore it open and examined it with a funny look.

"It looks like a diaper, Evans," he remarked, waving it over his head, his head still peeking out over the stall door. "You wear diapers?" Lily glared at him, clenching her jaw.

"Will you just _please _do what you're supposed to and get out of here? I'm not even supposed to be in here! I'm in a bloke's body!"

"All the more fun then, eh, love?" he giggled. Lily ground her teeth.

"Duck _down _for fuck's sake, Potter!" she hissed, annoyed. "You're going to get us caught!"

"Aw, what's got your knicker's in a twist, Evans?" taunted James, unwrapping the pad and sticking it on his head, laughing all the while. "This is a very nice hat."

Lily stared back at him with a cool and judging air, crossing her arms. "You are the most–"

"Potter? What are you doing in the girls' lavatory?"

Whirling around, Lily flushed as she stared into the eyes of Clara Torpedo, one of the most irritatingly perfect girls in the school with a pretty head of brown curls and a shiny prefect's badge pinned to her jacket. She didn't seemed to be so amused. Her eyes flickered to James and dropped open in shock.

"E- Evans?" she stammered, eyes bulging widely, her perfection marred by the expression of utter surprise and confusion. James laughed awkwardly, scratching his head and after a few moments of a staring contest, dropped back down into the stall, quietly finishing the task he was to just a moment ago.

"Well, Torpedo, just another day at Hogwarts, huh?" Lily mentioned awkwardly before running out of the lavatory with James following closely at her heel. Clara Torpedo was mentioned to be ill in the Hospital Wing for the rest of the day.

– – – – –

"Are you coming, James?"

Lily cocked her head up lazily from the book she had been in divulging in scantily, merely skimming rather than going for in-depth scouring. "Going where, Sirius?"

Sirius gave her a blank look. "_Quidditch._ Quidditch practice. It's today. Remember?"

Lily examined his Quidditch robes and the broomstick clutched tightly in his fist and glanced down at her own self in a comfortable shirt and pants with a book in her hands. She snorted.

"Do I _look _like I remembered?"

"_James_," growled Sirius, merely rocking back and forth on his toes. "We have to go. Seriously. It starts in five minutes."

"Oh, keep your precious hair on," Lily dismissed with a stretch and a yawn. "I'll get dressed eventually."

"James. _Now_." Lily glanced up. It was a group of girls clad in a uniform similar to Sirius' with very stern expression on their faces. It looked so out of place as Lily knew them to be cheerful girls who frolicked and got along very well with their housemates. They seemed intimidating now.

"Adams, Yonder, and Bexley. What?" Lily inquired, slipping back comfortably into her seat. "I'm just resting. I'll be down in a moment." She yawned again.

Sirius exchanged looks with the three girls as if there was unspoken communication between them. And apparently there was since the four jumped towards Lily and grabbed each of her limbs and began dragging her out of the portrait hole.

"Oi! Oi! _Oi! What are you doing?_"

"We're late for Quidditch practice," huffed Adams, her head arranged in a neat bun which kept strands of hair away from her eyes. "And _you _better come along."

"I said I was going to go!" squealed Lily. "Why are you being so drastic? It's not going to kill you to be five minutes late, you idiotic buggers! Let me down! _Let me down!_"

"Potter, you're causing a scene," Bexley remarked calmly. "Now just stay still and let us take you down. Ian's going to be smack you with a bat again if you're late."

"_Why?_"

The four stopped in their tracks, glancing back at Lily with shock. "_Because_. Because this practice is important!"

"_Why?_"

"Because the Gryffindor-Slytherin match is next week!"

"So?"

Sirius dropped Lily's left arm suddenly, causing it to thud against the hard floor of the corridor. She squeaked out in protest. Leaning in with a austere look in his steely gray eyes, Sirius smacked Lily's head, bellowing, "Wake up!"

"Sirius! You bastard!" squawked Lily with a scowl. "What was that for?"

"For focus!" Sirius growled. "Now get up and get to Quidditch practice!"

"Maybe I don't want to! Ever think about my feelings?"

"Why is he being such a clueless bastard today?" Sirius asked Yonder with a blank look. "Do you know? Did he sniff house-elf bogeys? Was he raped or something? Did someone kill his pet hippogriff?"

"Not according to my knowledge–"

"_Then he should bloody be ready for this practice!_" Sirius roared, smacking Lily's head again. "Get up! Get up, you disgraceful piece of rotten thestral dung!"

"_Ouch! _Bloody hell, Sirius!" Lily snapped, jumping from the floor. "Leggo! I'm going to practice, alright? Now keep your bloody pants on, for Merlin's sake!" Sirius examined her with a gray look.

"Good. Now walk."

Lily grumbled to herself the entire way down to the Quidditch Pitch, snarling at a few choice teammates when they cheerfully greeted her with a hello. She threw on some of James' baggy Quidditch robes she found in his locker, grabbed some random broom leaning by his cubby, and stormed out of the locker room.

As before, the Quidditch Pitch didn't impress her at all, although it _did _intimidate her now that she was being forced to participate in the frightful sport which she had never taken much delight to. She found it interesting yes, the concepts and the rules and the ingenuity of the development of the game and how it was popular throughout the Wizarding World, but when it came down to watching matches that didn't feature her own house, she wasn't interested. She was especially least interested in discussing Quidditch teams or Quidditch moves or anything pertaining to it outside of the school matches. No, she didn't hate Quidditch. She just preferred not to make it the center of her life.

"Feeling alright, Potter?" a boy asked loudly as he flied by on his broomstick, relatively slowly for a broom ride. She snorted.

"No, _sick _now that I've seen your disgusting face, Clemens!" she yelled back rudely. The boy chuckled and landed smoothly in front of her. He clapped her on the back.

"Sirius said you weren't feeling up to practice today," began Ian Clemens, Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, a proud seventh year who was hoping for the Quidditch Cup to mark the end of his era in Hogwarts Quidditch. "We'll soon fix that, won't we?"

"No," Lily muttered under her breath, irritated that she had been dragged here against her will. But she smiled widely in a sarcastic manner to convince everyone else she was having a jolly time. No one bought it, of course.

"Right," Clemens remarked with a nod. "Okay, everyone! We're ready to start now! Potter's over his PMS!"

There was a scatter of laughter while Lily scowled deeply. Everyone on the team crowded around Clemens, creating a lopsided circle. Sirius nudged Lily's arm playfully, a far cry from his attitude just three minutes prior. Lily ignored him.

"I was thinking of going over the plays then doing some Beater practice while I see how well Potter can block the goals," began Clemens, encouraged by the nods from his teammates. "I just want to enforce the whole idea of watching and signaling before we actually start on the plays–"

Lily promptly ignored everything coming out of the mouth of Ian Clemen's after that. She instead imagined what would happen if all the broomsticks suddenly caught on fire. She assumed that would be an awful thing as Bexley _was _leaning her head against her broomstick and if it suddenly caught on fire, her hair might catch it too and how could she face all the pretty Gryffindor boys after that? She giggled, thinking of how Sirius might bellow when his broomstick burst into flames while he was riding it.

"Find anything funny, Potter?" Lily looked up and shook her head frantically, remembering that she was supposed to be paying close attention.

"Oh, no. It was nothing. Sorry." Clemens returned to his in-depth discussion of Chaser tactics and tips on maximizing blocks a Keeper could make. Lily stifled a yawn.

She imagined Sirius bawling his eyes out while trying to put out the fire on his crotch. Would he fall off his broomstick first or would he zoom around, somehow hoping that would put it out, but instead causing it to burn with a stronger fervor? Lily imagined herself pointing and laughing at Sirius' pain while he moaned for the loss of his "family jewels", a hilarity to be sure.

"Alright, that's all of it," Clemens suddenly cried, snapping Lily out of her drug-induced fantasy. "You all know what _this _means–" He tugged on his right earlobe. "–And better act on it quickly, yeah? Okay. Black and Adams. You get up there and I'll let go of the Bludgers. Potter?" Lily returned the call of the name with a strained smile. "I'm going to start the Keeper practice. Do some laps to warm up. Watch out for the Bludgers too. On my whistle, alright?"

Lily nodded, pretending she had a clear idea of what she was to do. She held her breath. _Merlin's Kneecaps, I hope I don't die a gruesome death, _she thought to herself as she kicked off from the ground shakily. _I haven't flown in years_.

"Bludgers are off!" she heard Clemens' call. There was a whistling of air from the ground, two black masses rising chaotically from the ground. There was a sudden whoosh of air and Lily soon noticed a Bludger heading straight for her face.

"Uh-oh."

* * *

I don't usually put on nail polish, _ever_, but for some cracked up reason, I decided to. Now it's chipping like crazy and it's bothering me. Like a lot. OCD...

Thank you muchly for you delicious reviews; better than chocolate! (Not really. I prefer chocolate, but I doubt anyone could send me a box...)


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Chapter Thirteen**

Surprisingly, probably by the grace of the gods who realized that they were being much too hard on torturing the girl, Lily managed to get through Quidditch practice without having her face squashed by a Bludger or falling off her broomstick. Although that didn't indicate all was well. Clemens announced at her percentage of blocking the Quaffle was disgraceful and he couldn't see how she had fallen from his high graces so quickly and unexpectedly, but she better work harder or so help him, he was going to kick her arse. Or call for a replacement. She was scheduled for two extra practices apart from everyone else.

"This was awful," she groaned as she changed back into her normal robes. Before, she would've cringed at the sight of the boys' disgusting locker room behavior, but after spending nearly a week with Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew, their hobby being "Who Can Make The Grossest Noise", she wasn't bothered.

"What was up with you today?" Wollen inquired, a friendly Keeper Lily had taken a shine to in her third year. "You couldn't get in front of the goals fast enough. I've never seen Ian so annoyed."

Lily shrugged. "Periodic stress. I'll get over it soon enough. Don't worry."

"How can we _not _worry?" Sirius mumbled under his breath as he leaned down to tie his shoes. "You better work harder, James, or Ian actually might find some idiotic replacement. And no one needs some cocky fourth year taking over our _star's _spot."

"Oh, shut up," snorted Lily, slamming the locker door shut. "You know I'll be better. It was just stress, that's all. You know how it is."

"I've never heard of someone losing their Quidditch skills because of _stress_," remarked Sirius with a contemptuous snort. Lily smacked his head, a returning gesture of his previous violent action before practice.

"We're going back up now, Wollen," Sirius grumbled, closing his own locker. "We'll see you in the common room."

"Right." The boy nodded at the two civilly. "See you."

"You know, I probably got stressed because you kept smacking my head and dragged me around the corridors," grumbled Lily, shoving her hands in her pockets and dragging her feet as they began cutting across the Quidditch Pitch. "If you weren't so idiotic, then–"

"James?" Lily turned.

It was a girl and a very shy one too. She was blushing, wringing her hands awkwardly. Lily began to wonder if she had done or said something offensive and hadn't realized it and now this girl was going to complain to her about whatever disgraceful thing she had done. She glanced up at Sirius for help, but he was looking down at the girl in equal confusion, raising his eyebrows at her.

"Um, hello," Lily greeted awkwardly. "How can I, um, help you?" She winced. She sounded like a speech-deficient idiot.

"Can- Can I speak to you alone?"

"Erm, sure." Lily glanced at Sirius. Shrugging, he scratched his head, mumbled something about seeing her later at the common room and walked away. She turned her attention back to the girl.

"Yes?"

Blushing furiously, the girl began mumbling. "I'm- I'm– My name's Sarah, I don't know if you know me because I'm in Hufflepuff, but, and–" She stammered for a few more moments before Lily realized what she was trying to do. She cursed quietly in her mind.

"I was just, um, wondering if you were interested in going to Hogsmeade. With _me_, er, next week. Because it's, um, Hogsmeade weekend and..." She trailed off and blushed again, shuffling the pebbles with her toes. Lily was speechless.

She was being asked out on a date. By a _girl_.

Would wonders ever cease?

"Er, Sarah," Lily addressed tentatively, remembering the girl was a fourth year and liable to pretty hard heartbreak if she didn't break it to her gently. "I- I don't think I can go with you because–" She sought for a legitimate excuse. "It's, um, it's because–" She glanced at the face of Sarah. (_Think of something, Lily Evans! _she thought, panicking.) "I have a date with Lily Evans that weekend," she blurted out desperately. Sarah blinked up at her.

"Oh," she said timidly. "I was under the impression she hated you."

"So was I!" Lily laughed awkwardly, ruffling her hair. "Er, I'm really sorry. Really."

She smiled thinly. "No. It's alright. Thanks for your time, James."

Lily watched the poor girl disappear into her gaggle of sympathizing friends while her mind raced frantically. _I've got a date with Potter next week!_ It would not turn out well.

– – – – –

_Day 6 of Switching Bodies_–

James had passed an uneventful evening and woke up the next morning with a refreshed mind, somehow content as he could possibly be in his situation.

"Why in such a good mood today, Lily?" Mary inquired grumpily during breakfast, shoveling morsels of food onto of her plate. James grinned back happily with a shrug.

"I have no idea," he answered back honestly. "Just happy, I guess."

"Why? Did you snog James in a closet or something?"

"Yeah, that's it," James replied sarcastically, although he could only wish that was the reason of his contentedness.

Soon as the students were finishing up their breakfast, the morning mail flew in, dropping letters and packages and magazine subscriptions. James received Lily's usual copy of the _Daily Prophet_, but the owl dropped an extra letter on his lap. He glanced at the owl, recognizing it to be his own.

"What are you doing here, Nobby?" James asked the owl with a frown. He rarely saw the bird as it was too lazy to actually deliver mail. The owl instead spent most of the time cuddling up with females, the disgusting bastard. As the owl didn't speak, he just hooted and pecked at a few fingers for a crumb from toast while James untied the letter from the short legs and sent Nobby along, cruelly without that crumb.

"What's that?" Emmeline inquired as she took a bite of her toast, brushing the crumbs off her fingers while looking through her mail. "You seemed to know the bird."

"Yeah..." said James dismissively, too busy opening the letter. "It's nothing important. From Mum," he lied. Curious, away from the scrutinizing gaze of Lily's two friends, James opened the letter.

"_Potter_–

_This is going to be completely awkward and odd, but you have a date with me next week. See you at Hogsmeade._

_ Evans_"

James stared back at the piece of parchment blankly. He was having trouble understanding what the letter was indicating. A date? With who? Evans? As in Lily Evans? To Hogsmeade? As in the place where all the magic happened between a boy and a girl? _What_?

"Lily, are you alright?" Emmeline, always the observant one, inquired worriedly, raising her eyebrows. She pushed aside her knitting needles and glanced at her. "You look sort of sick."

"Huh?" James asked, looking at Emmeline but not really seeing her. Instead he was envisioning himself with his arms around _the _Lily Evans, the girl of his many dreams, walking gleefully around Hogsmeade. This definitely had to be the best week of his life.

"I'm, uh, I'm going to go..." he trailed off, rising from the table and grabbing his bag.

"Where you going?" Mary asked with a frown, taking a bite of porridge.

"Uh, I'm going to go change my foot... I mean, shoe. I mean, yeah..."

– – – – –

James admitted he had lied. He had _not _gone to change his feet like he had offered Mary as an excuse to slip away from the Great Hall. He didn't think she had believed him anyway, so frankly, there was no harm done to both parties or any other neutral parties either, such as Emmeline.

Instead, James had been melting from the joy of it all, wandering the corridors aimlessly and engaging in dazed conversations with confused portraits and even Peeves before being pelted with water balloons. He was still floating on air as he picked the rubber fragments out of his hair and wiped the moisture from his brow. This was the day his dreams had been fulfilled! He didn't know which fairy godparent or lucky star took such pity on him and allowed a miracle to occur, but he was grateful for it nonetheless.

"'Potter, this is going to be completely awkward and odd, but you have a date with _me _next week. See you at Hogsmeade. Evans.' _Evans_," James breathed, reciting the entire note perfectly. It had been permanently engraved into his mind and he knew he could recite t just as perfectly fifteen years later.

"Evans! Hey, Evans!" James whirled on his foot gracefully, a big grin on face, looking for the voice that had called out to him. He found it was the painting of the man in a toga with a bundle of grapes as a hat. He held a ripe mango in his eager, fruit-loving palms.

"How can I help you, my good fruit-devouring man?" he inquired cheerfully, staring at the portrait, but barely seeing him. He could still read the note every time he closed his eyes. The man harrumphed awkwardly, first covering mouth, while looking up at the strange boy– er, girl.

"Shouldn't you be getting to Ancient Runes?" he inquired, peering up at James curiously. "I seem to remember you grumbling about a weeks' worth of detentions if you were late to the class again. And you only have two minutes to get there–"

"_Bloody hell, you're right!_" screamed James, snapping out of his warm and romantic daydreams, eyes bulging out of his skull. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I just bloody did." The man seemed irritated, deduced by the way he was tapping his feet. He probably didn't take blame from students very well, especially when he was completely unrelated to the incident. He waved James off and instead returned to carefully peeling his mango. James barely noticed. He was dashing down the corridor at top speed.

He strongly remembered the professor's threat of a week's worth of detentions if he was tardy again and although it didn't faze him much, a week's worth being a mild punishment for him, he knew if Lily discovered she had to subject herself to detention every day for the next week while she could be doing more important activities such as completing her Charms essay to perfection, he would be good as dead.

"Oh Merlin, please please please _please _don't move," James prayed, rubbing his two hands together piously, huffing and puffing while running towards the staircases. It was the third day of the Chipmunk Festivals in Brussels and the staircases, the fickle things, were liable to change the most often during the said festival, especially if the Chipmunk King was offered apricot cake instead of oat.

_That is the most ridiculous reason to change around, _James thought to himself as he rushed ahead in superhuman speed, wiping away perspiration. _Please, please, please, I know you love me, please don't move staircases–_

Unfortunately, unlike most of the Hogwarts population, the cook to the Chipmunk King did not love James nor did the Hogwarts' main staircase. The cook had offered the Chipmunk King apricot cake instead of oat and thus the staircases had mangled themselves into odd directions and to get to the classroom, he had to begin his climb on the second floor, not first which was where he was now, panting.

"Oh my fucking Merlin's pants," James swore profusely, clenching his fist. "Now how the hell am I supposed to get up there?"

He checked his watch. He had only a minute left before the bell would ring, announcing the beginning of class, but he was aware the professor wouldn't enter the classroom until at least five minutes after. He still had a slight chance, a tinge of optimism.

"Oi, oi, you there!" he screamed, noticing a group of second years wandering the floors on their break period. They stared up at him in awe, noticing the prefect badged pinned neatly to his chest. He ignored the gapes.

"Do any of you idiots have a broomstick?"

The second years exchanged looks. They were obviously holding broomsticks in their hands, obviously going out to the Quidditch Pitch to get some practice. When they didn't answer quick enough, James snatched one from the boy with the muddy-colored hair before they could protest.

"Thanks midget– I mean, second year boy," James remarked, clearing his throat awkwardly. They stared at him in shock instead of speaking. It was only when James mounted the broomstick he realized he was in a girl's body and was, therefore, wearing a skirt as the uniform required. Cursing under his breath, he barked at the boys to achieve a fifteen-feet radius from him so they wouldn't try to peek up his skirt. Because, as one knows, up the skirts would be Lily's knickers which James asserted for only _his _view.. Without a second thought, he kicked off from the ground.

He was sure this was breaking some sort of grand school rule, but volumes of dusty regulations had never stopped him before. Besides, he had to make a good impression on Lily on their date, but if he landed her with a detention, he was certain that was all she would blabber at him about and who wanted Lily Evans on his case? Certainly not him.

He promptly flew to the necessary floor, promised the second-year to return the broomstick in good time ("I'll bloody return it to you! Now stop shooting your damn hexes at me, you midget!"), and began galloping furiously towards the Ancient Runes classroom.

_And of course it_ has_ to be located in the innermost corner of the corridor, _James grumbled to himself as he flew down the corridors, turning sharp corners and running through ghosts who bickered with him before flying away to their own business. He merely bellowed out a loud apology before continuing on.

"_Get out of my way, prick!_" he screamed, rushing past a respectable sixth-year Ravenclaw who was gazing at him in irritation. He soon saw the glimmering classroom door, opened slightly to reveal the bustle of the students inside. Merlin, he was almost there...

Completely out of the blue, James, instead of rushing through the doors of the Ancient Runes classroom triumphantly and taking a seat next to his mates, Mary and Emmeline, was shoved into a broom closet he had failed to notice by the same Ravenclaw boy he had been so rude to just seconds ago.

"_What the fuck is your problem?_" James cried out angrily, staring at the darkness around him and hearing the broom closet door click shut. "Get the fuck off me you bloody prat!"

"Hey... _Shh. Shh_." James stopped struggling in complete disgust. Did this git think a bit of shushing and a "comforting" hand on his shoulder was going to make him calm down and be docile like a little lamb? How much brain was this boy lacking?

"I thought you were a little stressed out," he whispered into James' ear, the devious hands traveling down to the waist. "So I thought you might want to loosen up a little, you know..."

"No, frankly, I don't know," snapped James, wondering if Lily had to go through this kind of shit practically every day. It was disgusting. And it had _sexual harassment _all over it.

"Now, calm down, Evans–"

"Oh, for fuck's sake, get the fuck away from me," James swore impatiently, discovering that he had quite a potty-mouth when it came to unwanted sexual situations. "You're not Merlin's gift to women, Brenden, so get your disgusting hands _off _me."

"Hey, calm down–"

"_You _fucking calm down. Hey, here's an idea." James shoved him out of the way, struggling towards the doorknob. "Why don't you stay in here and wank to calm _yourself _down while I go to class? Alright? Okay. I'm going now."

James kicked open the door and was about to rush out and towards the classroom when a hand grasped his wrist strongly, pulling him towards the person. He cursed again, slipping his wand from his pocket.

"I advise you to let me go, Brenden," James warned, jabbing the wand at the space between the ignorant Ravenclaw's two eyes. Instead of shrinking back in fear, the boy named Brenden merely smirked and drew James towards him slowly.

"Now Evans," he began in a sing song voice as if he was speaking to a child or an ignorant dog, trying to make it behave. "Just put your worthless wand away–" He made a quick grab for James, but missed.

"_Get away from me!_" James finally bellowed, sending a lovely rendition of the Bat-Bogey Hex towards the unfortunate Brenden who began shrieking, attempting to drive the great big bat-shaped bogeys away from his face. James watched smugly for a moment before the piercing screams began to sting his poor hearing.

"Oh, shut up," snarled James, flicking the wand towards him, casting a Silencing Spell at Brenden. The respectable sixth-year Ravenclaw was now rolling on the ground, bat-shaped bogeys attacking his face, while his mouth gulped noiselessly like a goldfish, nothing but empty air exiting his mouth. Would he been able to speak, his shrill cries would've filled the corridors.

Obviously driven to blind rage, for some unknown reason, it seemed, Brenden began to creakily rise from rough floor of the corridor, his hands hooked in claws, reaching towards James' legs, probably meaning to trip.

"What? Not enough for you?" James glared, dodging the blind attacks from the boy and instead poking Brenden's buttocks rudely with his wand. When he was finally within tempting reach of Brenden's outstretched hands, the boy on his knees, face contorted and reaching with his grubby hands, James merely stepped aside and murmured, "_Petrificus Totalus_."

There was a thud as the body hit the floor. Relaxing, James disdainfully glared down at the scratched-faced, bogey-covered, gaping-goldfish-mouth, ugly, disgusting, vile, and Snivellus-like boy stretched out on the ground. _Git, _he thought to himself.

Finally, he whirled about and found a small crowd of people from the Ancient Runes classroom, gaping at him. Some were even pointing; a boy had a camera, documenting the scene rightfully. Even the professor had joined the staring. James gave a little awkward wave with a more awkward smile.

"I swear I didn't mean to be late."

* * *

I swear I didn't mean to update so quickly.

I was going to torture you, I really was. I was going to dangle the next update near, um, maybe August? But I've changed my cruel ways and _voila! _It's the next chapter!

No, really, you don't have to shower me with your love and affection to thank me.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Chapter Fourteen**

Fact: The Gossip Mill of Hogwarts is _extremely _dysfunctional.

What began as a casual whisper about Lily Evans' sexual harassment initiated by Matthew Brenden, a sixth year Ravenclaw, which she had fended off most viciously with a few choice flicks of her wand, soon mushroomed into an epic battle between the said Lily Evans in a tight, spandex bodysuit with the Dark Lord and his minions, including Brenden and an entire crowd of spiders, enchanted to perform the Swan Lake ballet as a distraction. The _real _Lily Evans, trapped in the body of James Potter, after hearing of the news from other unreliable sources, could only stare and raise her eyebrows when the tale was retold continuously, somehow getting more distorted and perverted each time.

"_Then_, apparently, Evans tried to seduce Voldemort with her bright red hair and perfectly shaped thighs and started giving him a lap dance, using it as a distraction. So while he was gazing at her and probably enjoying the sight too, the sod, she started shooting spells over his slimy head at his little puppets, especially at the spider who was playing the main princess in Swan Lake–"

"A _lap dance_?" Lily repeated, rather delayed in her reaction. She hadn't caught much after that. "Are you sure this is how it went? It sounds bloody ridiculous!" Either this girl was completely making up a story from her perverted mind or James Potter had gone out in _her _body and committed ridiculous and degrading acts mentioned above.

"I don't know for _sure_," began Bexley with a side glance, tugging on her ponytail, "but I heard this from Yeomen, you know the Hufflepuff seeker, and she doesn't lie. Most of the time. You know."

"_Right_," breathed Lily, leaning back awkwardly in her armchair while crossing her arms. "Because Yeomen _clearly _witnessed Evans giving Voldemort a lap dance in the middle of the Hogwarts corridor. I'm sure that's how it went."

Sirius protested, "Well, it _could've_–"

"That's a load of rubbish," Lily cut in swiftly without another thought. She balanced a quill on her upper lip distractedly, marking the conversation as a waste of her time. "How could spiders perform Swan Lake anyway? They couldn't be _en pointe_, having no toes and all."

"Did you just say Ann pointy?"

"_En pointe_," insisted Lily, punctuating the _pointe _part of the phrase. She fancied herself knowing loads about ballet since, as a child of three, she had participated in ballet. But of course, only to have quit a year later. "It's when the ballerinas balance on the tips of their toes. Really hard."

"The Martin Anthems do that sometimes, Sirius," Bexley added with a nod. "You remember when you went to their concert and you told me they were doing twirls standing on their toes?" Sirius nodded eagerly, obviously recollecting the memory happily.

"How could spiders do that? Like I said, they don't even have _toes_."

"Don't discriminate against spiders," Sirius argued with a disagreeable frown. He crossed his arms and stuck out his chin, his usual battle stance when debating about a ridiculous subject. "They're our _mates_, you know, not food."

"Why the hell would they be food? That's disgusting."

"I just assumed you thought them as food," responded Sirius with a shrug, exhaling loudly as if Lily was simply being a stupid child, "since you're a bloke who regularly eats his own bogeys. Exotic taste, I thought."

"And you would know," Lily shot back quickly in a dead voice, staring up at the ceiling and acting as if such a conversation was not worth her valuable time, which it probably wasn't. Sirius spluttered out loads of other words, but she was much too distracted at staring at the deep scar in the ceiling and wondering of its origins.

"So are you going to finish the story, Bexley?" Sirius eventually demanded after he tired of throwing crumpled parchment balls at Lily's head to catch her attention and heap more abuse on her. The two began to chatter away, Bexley with furious gesticulations and expressive features while Sirius gaped on in awe, watching her eyebrows arch dramatically at the required moments.

"Remus," Lily began, nudging the subdued boy sitting beside her while gazing at the two in disgust. "Is Sirius honestly that gullible or does he just like ridiculous lies?"

"Not really sure," Remus murmured back, his nose firmly stuck in a book which didn't seem too interesting to Lily. "But if I had to bet, I'd say he just likes pretending outrageous stories are real so he can tease people, cruelly using the stories as twisted evidence."

"That sounds just like what he would do."

"I know."

"He's such a git."

"I know."

"Will you two _stop _talking as if I'm not sitting right in front of you, having two wonderful ears to _hear _what you're muttering to each other?" Sirius interrupted in irritation, looking back at Remus and Lily in their respectable armchairs. The two exchanged knowing glances and looked back at Sirius.

"No," they answered in synchronization with a snicker from Remus.

"You two are gits," Sirius grumbled, turning to Bexley and muttering, "Aren't they gits?" as if she was expected to give a truthful answer. The girl merely shrugged and giggled when Lily made a face while Sirius wasn't looking.

"You are a _git_," Sirius insisted again when he found the source of Bexley and Remus' amusement, whirling around to face Lily threateningly. "I'm going to kill you in your sleep."

"Oh, I'd like to see you try, Black," laughed Lily, tossing a parchment ball at Sirius' head in return for his previous courtesy when he wasn't looking.

"_I am going to shove your bloody head in a–_"

"Oh, my mates are here," Bexley exclaimed, flopping up from her seat and grabbing her bag. She waved at the group of girls who had just entered the portrait hole. "I'll talk to you lot later. My regards to James' poor head."

"Thanks Bexley," Lily huffed, pushing Sirius off her while Sirius bellowed, "I thought you were on _my _side!" Remus merely waved with a slight smile and closed his book, leaning forward to break the two rowdy boys apart and to stop them from causing further damage on each other.

"What's the damage report here?" he inquired with an exasperated sigh. "A paper cut?"

_ "And _a stretched sock!" complained Sirius, pulling his feet to Remus' face so he could see the damage. "These were my favorite ones with the red Beaters stitched on the side with the clouds and_ that monster–_" He wildly gesticulated towards Lily. " –ruined it!"

"It's a bloody sock! Get over it, you wanker!"

"It _is _a sock, Sirius," Remus said, giving Sirius a reassuring pat on the back as if that would help his poor stretched his sock. "It was time to let it go for laundry day anyway."

After settling down Sirius' heightened emotions due to his attachment on socks with Quidditch parts stitched on them, Lily and Remus in crimson armchairs while Sirius sat on the arms of the chairs between them, they quietly watched the fire, dancing from sudden breezes.

"Where's Peter?" Sirius inquired, breaking the comfortable silence. Lily remained staring into the fire.

"Probably with Amy," dismissed Remus as he came up to the surface, then sinking back into his book. "Out in the grounds maybe."

"_Why?_" Lily gasped, watching the leaf-riddled branches tap the Gryffindor Tower's window. "It's freezing out!"

"Oh, you know Peter's for all the _generic _things." Sirius rolled his eyes. "Can't go for a quick snog in a broom closet, oh _no_, he _has _to have a whole date thing planned out. He probably took her to a walk out into the grounds and is probably doing interesting things under an oak tree right now."

"Thank you for the imagery," inputed Remus in a distracted voice.

"You are," Sirius remarked, "_very _welcome." He exchanged a grin with Lily and they gave each other a high five discreetly. Remus informed them he had eyes and could see them giving each other high fives.

"So," Sirius began, rubbing his two hands together with a devious expression, "what do you want to do today? It's a low-key night for homework, after all." He was peering at a group of forth-year girls who were uncommonly pretty, chattering among themselves and giggling, attempting to complete their assignment, having no idea that a dark-haired boy was staring at them.

"Then shouldn't we be studying...?" Lily inquired slowly with a raise of her eyebrows. She had even leaned down to retrieve her bag and the bunches of textbooks lying in a heap beside her armchair. Sirius broke his happy gaze from the girls and shot Lily such a shocked look she dropped the Potions textbook back onto the pile.

"_James!_ What happened to your Marauder spirit?" Sirius seemed genuinely shocked and distressed.

"Er, turned sensible?"

"_Not _in the vocabulary of a Marauder, mate," insisted Sirius, reaching over and turning Lily's head towards the group of girls. "Now look at those girls. What is your Marauder spirit driving you to do now?"

"It's driving you to say that you should stop undressing the poor girls with their perverted eyes," Lily answered dryly, tugging her head out of Sirius' grip. "You are _so _obvious."

"And you're not?" Sirius looked amused and leaped to his feet. "'Oh, Lily, Lily, please go on a date with me.' 'Oh, Evans, you're _so _pretty.' 'Oh Lily, please may I lick your shoes and wipe your mouth for you?'" Sirius' impressions were quite amusing and Lily strained herself so much in trying to suppress her laughter, she turned bright red which Sirius took as blushing.

"James, you're bright red," teased Sirius. "What's the matter?"

"Oh, shut up," Lily mumble, ruffling her hair instinctively. Sirius snickered.

"So what do you want to do?" Sirius questioned again when the novelty of teasing Lily, the supposed James, about herself wore off. "Exploding Snap? Chess? Quidditch?"

Remus leaned back to glance out the window. "It's already dark outside and besides, much too cold for Quidditch."

"Gobstones?" Sirius offered, kicking the arms of the armchair with his feet and jostling Lily. She glared at him, a look he dismissed easily with a wave of his hand. "You know, we haven't played that in a while–"

"Because your gobstones spit stuff up my nostrils," Remus interjected darkly.

"_Oh_, I remember that! That was, um, unfortunate," Sirius sniggered, but murmured, "Might have jinxed them to aim there, but _could_ be an accident..."

"What could be an accident?"

"Peter! Well met, mate! Well met!" Sirius cried enthusiastically, leaping from his make-shift chair and patting the pudgier boy on the back. Peter's cheeks were shaded a rosy red and the skin on his hands were blistered by a brutal wind. His hair was tossed around wildly and stuck up in odd directions as if someone had been running her hands through them. He had an arm's load of navy-colored boxes and an irritated look.

"I told you to _stop _punching me in the back," he snapped at Sirius, dropping the boxes in Lily's lap. "It bloody hurts, you know!"

"Ah, sorry, sorry," Sirius apologized like he did every time Peter had complained and grinned deviously. "And don't _you _look rather sexed up today. Was it the wind, Peter, that did that to your hair?"

"Shove off, you git," scowled Peter, unwrapping a scarf and dropping it next to his coat on the ground. He pulled an armchair that had a fourth year sitting in it closer to his mates and bribed away the boy with a Sickle.

"Where'd you get all the Bertie Bott's, Peter?" Lily inquired in surprise, staring at her lap which was heaped with boxes of uniform size.

"Nicked it," grinned Peter with some pride. "There was a group of brown-nosing Slytherins hanging around the dungeons and they left these at Slughorn's desk."

"Stolen from a professor's desk?" Sirius wiggled his eyebrows, slowly picking up a box from Lily's lap and examining it. His mouth stretched into a wide smirk. "You're getting trickier everyday, Petey boy."

"And I have this too," Peter mumbled, leaning over and pulling a small package from his bag, loosely wrapped. "Here, catch."

Sirius caught it deftly, staring at the cellophane wrapper curiously. "What is it?"

"A pinch of Slughorn's favorite crystallized pineapples," Peter announced, rubbing his hands together whether from deviousness or the chill. Sirius quickly unwrapped one and popped it in his mouth, passing it on to Remus. "Just a little cherry on top. How is it?"

"Not bad," Sirius said slowly, licking his fingers thoughtfully.

"Pure, disgusting yet delicious, sugar," remarked Lily, throwing in her two cents as she bit into a piece carefully.

"They taste sort of peculiar," Remus murmured, setting aside his book and wrinkling his nose. "Are you sure Slughorn didn't opened this before? Because it tastes too much like him."

"And you know what Slughorn tastes like because...?" Sirius said slowly, leaving the question open-ended, waiting for Remus to fill in the answer. Remus merely scowled. "Are we _really _going down into the dungeons to ask Professor Slughorn about the Potions essay Remus, or are we doing naughty things in a cauldron with a certain professor?"

Peter and Lily gagged while Remus, with a look of exasperated disgust, threw a crystallized pineapple at Sirius' head, watching it stick to his hair. "Are we _really _scrubbing the trophy room during detention Sirius, or are we doing naughty things with Filch and Mrs. Norris in his office?"

"_Remus Lupin!_" Sirius gasped while Peter and Lily exchange sick looks. Remus looked proudly smug.

"Well, it's not like it's a _secret_, Sirius..."

"Well, it's not like McGonagall is giving you O's because you're _smart_, Remus, just that you're good at giving sexual favors..."

"Sirius Black, I will–"

"_Share jelly beans with you!_" Peter cut in quickly, shoving a handful in Remus' hands while Lily did the same to Sirius hurriedly. "I can't remember the last time we had a Bertie Bott's night!"

"That's because I woke up with a gray one shoved up my nose and had to get it removed by Madame Pomfrey," Remus remarked sourly. "Do you know how embarrassing that was? She was clucking at me and asking me how that happened the entire time!"

"Oh, but that's the fun of it–"

"And you lot almost died and had to spend two days in the Hospital Wing," Remus finished with a firm nod. Sirius glanced down at the handful of brightly colored beans then looked back up at his best mates.

"Well, did we miss classes?" Sirius questioned.

"Yes."

"Then it's really not _that _bad, is it?" Sirius remarked with a smirk. He pulled up a green jelly bean with flecks of gray. "What do you think this one is?"

"I don't know," answered Lily who had been looking through the jelly bean box quietly, "why don't you try it?"

– – – – –

_Day 7 of Switching Bodies–_

"Oh, everyone watch out! She's coming! Lily Evans is coming! She's going to kill your Swan Lake spiders if you don't move!"

"Sod off, McDonald," growled James, shoving his wand back into his bag while he watched a group of boys squeak and dash away to the opposite direction away from James. He couldn't say he was enjoying all this attention.

"What? Just warning them."

"Stop feeding the rumors," he insisted fiercely. "Do you know a second year ran away from me last night?"

"Well, he had a good reason to," joked Mary, winking cheekily at James, disregarding his irritated expression altogether. "You might have given him a lap dance, the poor kid."

"How do people even come up with these things?" James grumbled as they entered the Great Hall and seated themselves on the long bench. Emmeline took his left while Mary his right.

"Because they're sick, perverted, and twisted," Mary announced cheerfully, helping herself to a bit of toast. "And speak of the devil..."

"McDonald, might want to scrape that mold off your face," came the perfectly amiable call from Sirius Black's mouth accompanied by a cheeky wink, "or it'll bloom into a big mushroom!"

"Oh, shut the hell up, Black," Mary shot back in a soft, lilting tone one usually uses on a crush. Sirius slid into the seat beside her with a wide grin, happy as if she had pronounced her undying love for him instead of telling him off.

"Emmeline, can you pass me the marmalade?" Remus remarked with a yawn, sitting across from Sirius while Peter beside him, Lily on the end across from Emmeline.

"Sure," agreed Emmeline, sliding the bright orange jellied mass towards the boy politely. She beamed at Lily and inquired, "Did you hear about the Holyhead Harpies?"

"Oh, that captain had a pretty arse," Sirius announced obnoxiously, spewing crumbs across the table and smearing jam on Mary's cheek. Remus threw a roll at his head with a scowl.

"Don't talk about vulgar things with your vulgar mouth full of vulgar things, Sirius," he admonished with a look of utter disgust. "And it's called chewing. Maybe you've heard of it?"

Sirius pinched his nose shut and said in a comically nose-clogged voice, "And there's also this thing called _toothpaste_, Remus, maybe you've heard of it?" Mary chuckled.

"Oh, Emmeline, did you finish that Charms essay?" Peter inquired despairingly. "Please tell me you have."

"Of course." Emmeline popped a crumb in her mouth. "Why?"

"I've forgotten about it completely and you owe me a favor for that Transfiguration assignment–"

"Here, it's in my bag, but you better copy it quick–"

"Read it out for me, will you?"

"Sirius, you have a leaf in your hair." Mary interrupted Sirius and Remus' bickering, leaning over and picking a stray leaf out of the boy's hair. "Why do you have a leaf in your hair?"

"Morning tumble?" suggested Sirius with a cheeky grin. "You know what they say, the early bird gets the worm–"

"So are we going for bestiality so soon?" Mary questioned with an equally cheeky expression, shining a wide smile at the shocked boy. "I thought you would've held out longer or perhaps gone for an animal with a vagina. Worms? I don't think they have one–"

"Hey James, throw me a bit of that toast–"

"I can't believe you said bloody _bestiality_ during breakfast, McDonald–"

"_To complete this charm, you must first_–"

"Mail's here!"

"How do you know worms don't have vaginas! Don't discriminate!"

"Lily."

Lily paused and glanced up from staring at the parchment the owl had smoothly dropped onto her lap, meeting James' eye swiftly. She nodded at the parchment, acknowledging she had received the same.

"Ready?" she inquired, smoothing the letter out with her palms. He nodded firmly with a ridiculously excited smile.

"Of course. Let's go."

Stealthily, the two rose from the table, stepping over the seats, and gave a tentative peek behind their shoulders, watching their mates bicker and debate and overall, get along with each other perfectly. Snickering, they slipped out of the Great Hall, leaving their clueless mates who hadn't noticed their disappearance at all.

"_You _would know if worms have vaginas or not, you're the one who's had sex with them!"

"Merlin, that's bloody disgusting! What's wrong with your _mind_, McDonald?"

"What's wrong with _humans_, Black?"

"Remus, she's being mean to me!"

"Oh, shut up, you lot! You're loud!"

"Your worm vagina's loud!"

* * *

If you squint, you might be able to realize there is a certain line from _Finding Nemo_. But only if you squint. And it's not mine, just in case you were wondering.

Was this crack? Maybe. Was it funny? Probably. Was it fast? _Yes_.

This was longer than usual; what a surprise. Hope it was a nice one for you.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Chapter Fifteen**

"Lemon drops?"

"Um, no, it's alright, Professor."

It had taken little time to arrive at the Headmaster's office since Lily had insisted on dashing down the corridors at maximum speed, disregarding the other students who were and sensibly_walking_. There had been loud shouts of protest and a response of "Sorry!" from James for Lily's recklessness, but in the end, they had made it past the stone gargoyle ("_Cockroach Clusters_," murmured James) and seated themselves in Professor Dumbledore's office without too serious of a mishap.

Dumbledore did not follow up his offer of the sticky yellow candy with any further words which caused uncomfortable silence, leaving Lily and James to awkwardly twist and turn the ends of their clothing and look up at the Professor in anticipation of what was to occur next.

"Ah, yes," he finally said at last, gently setting the tin of candy to his right and looking up from the dusty book he had been studying for a few moments. If Lily didn't know better, she would've believed the Headmaster was amused by their awkward impatience.

"Are you changing us back, then?" James finally erupted, cracking from the pressure of his impatience. The Headmaster of Hogwarts merely smiled and nodded, staring at the two students sitting across from him as if he was expecting great entertainment out of it all.

"Yes, Mister Potter," confirmed Dumbledore, clasping his hands together. "At first, I was contemplating whether or not to have you write an essay on the different ideas you've learned from the experience–" He caught sight of their protesting and appalled expressions and chuckled. "–_But_, I realize it's been enough punishment having to act as the other so I shall let you off this time with only a warning." James exhaled in relief; essays were not his forte.

"It's only a simple spell like last time," Dumbledore began, slightly distracted as he fished for his wand in his desk drawer, glancing down at the book spread out in front of him, "but there mightbe slight discomfort. I can only hope you both haven't indulged in a heavy breakfast as nausea might be a side effect." He paused slightly with a grin. "Among other things."

"Side effects?" Lily's voice rose an octave higher than she meant to and she blushed. "Like what?"

"Nausea, dizziness, vomiting," Dumbledore answered dismissively. "There might be some drowsiness or a certain odd vegetable growing on a body part, but Madame Pomfrey is capable of returning you to perfect health as always. There's no need for fretting."

"Certainly..." the two voiced while imagining carrots sprouting from their stomachs.

Two firm nods. The complicated wand dance once more. A quiet mutter of the spell.

"_Miassieus_."

The muttered incantation immediately let out a burst of impossible light, tinted green with flecks of gold, but seemed almost white to their blinded eyes. Small material shards of light magnetized from various ends of the room, behind the drape of a curtain, between the pages of a book, under Fawkes' noble cage, tapering the luminance which surrounded Lily and James piece by piece. The white brightness disappeared gradually while the green color darkened, the color settling on their shoulders and Dumbledore watched like a hawk with a lemon drop between his lips. Eventually, the cage of light faded and the two fifth years were left blinking at each other, rubbing their eyes.

"The spell doesn't go for instant gratification, does it?" remarked the one in Lily's body, peeking up at the Headmaster. "I'm still in Lily's body, aren't I?"

"Yes, you are," insisted the one in James' body with a disappointed shrug, eyes still choked with timid hope. "I suppose we'll wake up tomorrow morning in our right bodies?"

Dumbledore only answered with the irritating mysterious smile, obviously proclaiming that he knew the answer while they didn't. If he wasn't Albus Dumbledore, Lily would've marched up and smacked the grin from his lips.

"You're late for Transfiguration already," sighed Professor Dumbledore, peeking at a grandfather clock on the opposite wall. "Just inform Professor McGonagall of our interview and she'll excuse you this time."

"Thank you, Professor," Lily sighed and the two tentatively rose from their chairs, glancing back at Dumbledore one last time before closing the solid door behind them, desperately wanting to trust the competence of their odd, yet brilliant Headmaster.

They said not a word to each other when they exited the staircase and plodded towards the direction of their Transfiguration classroom, previous enthusiasm diminished to sullenness. Lily was shivering, although the castle itself was not very cold, her pale lips shaking. James, cutting his eyes towards her and noticing the outward display of shock and worry, wrapped his arms around her comfortingly.

"Hey, no worries, Lilyflower," he murmured quietly, rubbing her arms in assurance. "We'll get back into our rightful bodies."

"Don't _touch _me, Potter," she ordered in a tone more harsh than she had meant, but she was upset and the bitterness was rather difficult to control, especially when conversing with a boy whose body she was trapped in at the time. "And how do you know?" she sighed at him.

"_Because_," James began, wrapping his arms around her again, enveloping her in his warmth. She didn't protest this time and allowed herself to be held. "It's Dumbledore, Lily."

"So?"

"_Dumbledore_, the greatest wizard of our time? Hell, the greatest wizard since the discovery of _magic_?" James spluttered, raising his eyebrows. "C'mon, Lily. Even Voldemort and his little minions are scared of him and that means Dumbledore can probably do some crazy shit. Probably more crazy and complicated than switching people's bodies around."

"Well, he _did _find thirteen new uses of dragon blood," admitted Lily, remembering the accomplishments of Dumbledore she had memorized when she was in second year and had been obsessed with the history of Hogwarts and their professors.

"See? No need to worry." He pulled her to him closer, rubbing her arms comfortingly again. Lily complied without a grumble although the arrangement was awkward. James was in Lily's body after all and had to make do with wrapping Lily's large frame (in James' body) with the small, twig-like arms. Yet it was endearing at the same time; one could almost hearing the paintings sigh from the adorable display of affection.

"Have you ever gotten a boner?" James asked suddenly, breaking the blissful silence. Lily shot him a glare for definitely ruining the peaceful moment.

"_What?_"

"Well, you're in my body and all," began James with a stupid grin. "I was just wondering if you did. So have you?"

"_No!_" Lily cried, appalled, and even if she had, she definitely would not be relating the experience to _him_. She did not want to discuss how she was woken up from the middle of the night, panicked because she thought there was something in bed with her, only to discover that it was James' member, waving to say hello. It was only by sheer luck the rest of the boys in the dormitory hadn't woken or she wouldn't have ever heard the end of it.

"Well, there's a broom closet right here if you want to feel what it's like–"

"_Potter!_" Lily roared, her features distorted by her utter disgust. "You are the most vile and uncivilized boy I have _ever met_–" She untangled herself from his arms. "– And I don't want to talk to you ever again!"

She began to speed walk away from him, huffing indignantly and adjusting the rimmed glasses on her nose, when he rushed to catch up to her, reaching up and grasping her wrist deftly with an odd look in his eyes.

"Lily, wait!" he cried as she whirled around, staring back at him strangely.

"What's the matter with you–" she began, but was immediately cut off.

Lily would never relate the experience with _anyone_, least of all her friends, but if she had to, she decided she knew exactly how to describe it. She would first tell her companion to imagine standing at the door of one's house, fumbling with the keys and swinging it open, when suddenly, a group of family members and dear friends popped out from behind various places in the living room a great big chocolate cake with balloons and party favors and a shout of, "_Happy birthday!_" Especially when it wasn't one's birthday. Then, she would go on, imagine there be a great earthquake, shaking everything and the floor suddenly caved in, causing all the people at your un-birthday party to slid into the crack and fall to their untimely death and watching it unfold. She would command the person to take such a shock and multiply it by a thousand as that was the astonishment and indignation she felt when James Potter leaped up and kissed her full on the mouth.

It went on for a few seconds before Lily registered what on earth was occurring and she tugged a gleeful James Potter off her lips. She was livid and hissed, "What the hell was that?"

Bursting into laughter, James hurried down the corridor, calling out behind him, "Is that a boner you got there, Lily?" Her glare and words were enough to kill.

– – – – –

"_Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep._"

It was an alarm clock. It was definitely an alarm clock that was beeping obnoxiously so close to her ears and it sounded mightily like her own, although her mind was still wandering aimlessly from dream to reality. However, it was an alarm clock, not the loud, donkey-like brawl of Sirius Black's voice. Lily sucked in her breath.

_Oh, please let me be back in Lily Evans' body, my _right _body, _she prayed, shutting her eyes tighter, grasping her hands together desperately. _Oh, please, please, please. I'll even be nice to Black today–_

"Turn your bloody alarm clock off, you arse-licking Slughorn's slut!"

_Mary!_ Recognizing the familiar insult, Lily shot up from behind the cozy blankets, examining her surroundings. She was sitting on a bed covered with a navy blue sheet with _her _lime green alarm clock bellowing at the world to wake up while Mary McDonald and Emmeline Vance laid writhing on their own beds, grumbling at "Lily's stupid bloody damn alarm clock that would _not _shut up".

"Shut off your alarm clock, will you?" Mary snapped in irritation, smashing a pillow over her ear aggressively. Lily noticed it was still screaming and hurried to press the green snooze button. Mary returned to bed, greedily hoping for two more minutes of blissful sleep while Emmeline stretched and slipped out of bed with a grimace.

"One day," grumbled Emmeline as she shuffled to the lavatory, "you're going to come back from the library and you're going to find that bloody alarm clock gone and in the Giant Squid's lake, you mark my words..."

"Emmeline!" Lily squealed, finding her voice from all the delightful shock the world had presented to her. She dashed from her bed and leaped at Emmeline without warning, wrapping her arms around the poor girl. Spluttering, Emmeline, with a scandalized expression, shoved Lily off, staring into her eyes in bafflement.

"What's gotten into you?" she asked. "You're never a morning person! Or ever so... _affectionate_."

"But it's such a _glorious _morning, Emmeline!" Lily crowed happily, clapping her hands together. She jumped forward to snatch another hug, but Emmeline took a careful step back, raising her eyebrows suspiciously.

"I'm not going to lend you any more Galleons," she advised with a grave look. "You're probably spending them on mushrooms you were supposed to pick up for Herbology–"

"Oh, how can you be so seriou today?" Lily cried, skipping around the dormitory in only her pajamas, fluttering her arms as if she was a free robin, swerving in the morning sky. "It's such a lovely, lovely, lovely, lovely, lovely, lovely–"

"Emmeline, make her shut up!" Mary bellowed from under her pillow, smashing the fluff down on her head to omit the loud, jubilant noises. "Stun her or suffocate her or _kill _her or something, but by Merlin, make her _shut __up!_"

Lily whirled around quickly, staring at the direction of Mary's bed as if she hadn't noticed another human being inhabiting the same room with her and Emmeline. Her green eyes glittered and without notice, she pounced on the bed, the mattress creaking under the weight. Lily threw her arms around Mary, the same she had done to poor Emmeline just moments prior.

"_Oh Mary, it's so good to see you again!_" Lily chirped happily, smashing the poor girl in a sandwich, the bottom being the mattress and the top being Lily Evans. Mary choked, waving her limbs into the air and attempting to pull the tightly clinging mate _off_.

"She's batty," Emmeline remarked, shaking her head and retreating to the safe lavatory while Mary wrestled with Lily for a few minutes before the sticky grip was released and Lily was smiling contentedly at Mary while she grumbled and chucked a pillow at Lily's head.

"What the hell is up with you?" came the grumble from Mary McDonald who had never seen Lily in such an annoying mood. She would've gladly strung the girl up and let her dangle from their dormitory window without remorse.

"Good thing Alice already left for breakfast or she would've done more murderous things," mumbled Mary as she began brushing her tangled mess into settled hair, sitting on the bed beside Lily. "You know how she gets in the mornings."

"Yes, I do, and I absolutely love it!" Lily cried with a wide smile. Mary gave her an odd look and resumed brushing her hair while bellowing at Emmeline to hurry in the shower, she didn't have to scrub off every single germ on her skin, by Merlin, there was too much to scrub off anyway.

While Emmeline and Mary grumpily readied themselves for classes, Lily finished in a record time of four minutes and sat on her bed, smiling radiantly and patiently waiting for them, willingly fetching objects and sometimes erupting in a fit of joyful laughter. It would be safe to say the friends were rather concerned.

"What is _wrong _with you?" Mary hissed as they trapezed down to the Great Hall, Lily skipping rather than walking calmly. "What's with your- your _whistles _and _laughing _and hugging us randomly?"

"It's just because it's a _beautiful _day, Mary!" came the cheerful response. Mary felt like strangling Lily and all her stupid joy. She half expected to see sparrows land on her head and deer to turn up around the corner and join Lily in her happy song. Mary felt like vomiting.

"Lily, stop slouching," Emmeline scolded, pulling Lily up to her full height. "It looks dreadful. And will you _please _get that ridiculous grin off your face? You look stupid!"

"But it's such a beautiful day, Emmeline!" insisted Lily as if that explained away all her odd behavior. Mary and Emmeline exchanged their thirty-fifth look of the day, concerning Lily Evans.

"Oh, there are the boys, let's go sit with them," Mary remarked, pointing at the group of boys snarfing down the breakfast food on the table.

"Just please don't talk about worm vaginas again," groaned Emmeline with a roll of her eyes. "Do you know how many odd glances we were getting? I counted up to seventy-eight."

Mary smirked. "That seems a little lower than expected. I'll try to hike it up today."

"Well, _good morning_!" Lily exclaimed as she dropped into her seat, opening her arms widely as if she was ready to embrace the boys with her undying happiness. "Good morning to _you_, Sirius! Peter! Remus!" She paused, her smile faltering. "Where's Potter?"

With an odd and disgusted look, Sirius said, "He's in the Hospital Wing. He woke up today with turnips growing out of his ears."

"You have no idea how odd it was to wake up and see turnips growing out of your best mate's ears," added Remus, sharing an odd look with Sirius and Peter. Peter nodded, but rather nauseatingly. When Lily had began to eat heartily with gusto, Peter leaned over to Mary and murmured, "Is she alright?"

"I have no idea," Mary answered truthfully. "Just pretend she's not trying to give you a hug over the table and it'll be alright."

"She's not going to be like that _all day_, is she?" hissed Sirius, leaning over the table and eyeing Lily's wide grin wearily as she buttered a blueberry muffin. "James was like that too before he noticed turnips in his ears."

"She's just being cheerful," Mary murmured weakly. "Just ignore her. She'll stop soon enough."

"She better," grumbled Sirius. "She's ruining my mopey mornings."

Unfortunately, despite popular and hopeful beliefs, Lily did _not _mellow as the day continued. During Transfiguration, she thanked a Slytherin boy for picking up her wand that had rolled off the table by embracing him and he had to be taken to the Hospital Wing due to severe trauma. During Charms, she cast the strongest Cheering Charm out of anyone in the class and that entire wing of Hogwarts had to spend two hours grinning their wits out. During Potions, she nearly kicked over Sirius and her cauldron when she danced a little jig on the account of their scarab beetle wings being "ground just right".

She was skipping out of Greenhouse Five after an _enthralling _class of Herbology when she noticed the group of three Gryffindor boys, one of them missing again, trudging onward in front of her. One had strange things coming out of his ears. Murmuring, "be right back," to Mary and Emmeline who were glad to get rid of her for a few moments, she hurried towards them. Peter noticed her first and alerted the rest of the boys by screaming.

"Evans! Good to see you again!" Peter cried in a tone that was meant to be jovial, all the color draining out of his face. "Er, well, I have to go, um, study for History of Magic with Remus. I'll talk to you later, good bye!" He rushed away before Lily could get a word in. She shrugged and turned to the remaining boy, James.

"Hello," James greeted with a shrug, his expression slightly sour.

"Hello," Lily replied, smirking at the turnips growing merrily out of James' ears. "Where's Sirius?"

"Haven't got a clue. Probably doing something unmentionable in a broom closet again."

Lily flinched, but she remained grinning. "Hey James," she began casually. "Do you like turnips?"

"Oh, shut up," scowled James, stomping forward so quickly that Lily had to hurry to catch up to him.

"What happened?"

"I bloody don't know," James grumbled, kicking aside a pebble on the ground. "I just _woke up_ like this, with stupid turnips growing out of both ears. You have no idea how much Sirius laughed. And Madame Pomfrey!" He looked up with a passionately irritated expression. "Madame Pomfrey laughed _me _out of the Hospital Wing and told me to _come back tonight _for the remedy! She is a batty woman and I bloody hate her!"

Lily laughed heartily, her first natural laugh in the past twenty-four hours. "I wonder how she's going to get those turnips out. Is she going to use a spade?"

"Probably some weird potion to melt them off or something," James scowled. "I think this is one of the side effects Dumbledore neglected to explain."

"Either that or punishment for kissing me yesterday," Lily hissed with a sniff. "You deserve it."

James smirked and winked at her. "You obviously liked it since you got a–"

"Don't think that I won't smack you because I will."

"Alright, alright," sighed James, holding his hands up in defeat. "I'm _sorry_. Although apparently you'regetting pretty good at being nice to people recently."

"Oh, you've heard all the stories from your friends, haven't you?" Lily knew she should be ashamed of her oddly happy conduct, but she couldn't bring herself to mind.

"And I'm sure those stories will be circulating on for quitea few weeks."

"Nope. They won't."

James raised his eyebrows and stared. "They won't? What do you mean?"

"I have my ways," laughed Lily, clomping on towards Hogwarts. "And they work rather brilliantly. Just a few words of a threatening nature including blackmail and a certain bloody death and_voila! _The rumors disappear from the gossip mill almost entirely."

"It's going to be rather hard to get rid of _these _rumors..."

"It'll disappear. Trust me," Lily insisted with a wide grin. "And I'll go back to being me again tomorrow so no worries. Me being cheerful and skipping around and being friendly with you is just temporary. Tomorrow, I'll be scolding your wits out."

"Oh, Lily, do you have to?" James began pleadingly, clutching his hands together. "We're getting along so well! Can't we be friends please–"

"After what you did when we came out Professor Dumbledore's office?" Lily raised her eyebrows patronizingly, her familiar expression returning, while James bowed his head with a blush.

"I said sorry," he mumbled.

"Sorry? You didn't think I would forgive you so easily, did you?" snorted Lily. "After all, I've been holding a grudge against you for five years now. I'm not going to be friendly so easily, Potter."

"At least call me James for today," insisted James as another plead. "Just for today. You can go back to calling me 'Potter' and 'arrogant toerag' and 'McGonagall's panty licker' tomorrow."

"Fine then," Lily agreed with a breezy smile, "_James_."

"'Ey, ye two! Whatcha doin' out o' class? Potter? S'that ye?"

"Hagrid!" James cried, waving his hand at the giant man standing beside his cozy hut. "What are you doing outside? It's freezing!"

"Ter keep an eye on rascals like ye," Hagrid replied with a chuckle. "An' Lily Evans 'erself, eh? Potter botherin' ye? Can kick 'im into the Forest if ye'd like," he offered and Lily laughed, shaking her head.

"Not today, thank you," she called, pulling her jacket closer when the wind blew past, "but maybe another day?"

"Ah, I'll be keepin' me schedule free," Hagrid winked. "Jes' come alone whenever 'e's bein' annoyin'."

"Aw, you're not supposed to be conspiring against me, Hagrid," James grumbled good naturedly. "You told me you would help me!"

"O' course then, Potter," laughed Hagrid, waving his hands at the two. "But run along ter class. Don' want ter be late again, do yeh?"

Before James could answer cleverly again, there was a sudden yelp and a squeal and Sirius came dashing out from back of the hut, his black mop sizzling at the ends, sooted smeared on his usually white skin. His hands which were formerly immaculately groomed were blackened. Hagrid frowned, observing the boy who was trying to put out the fire that was creeping up his trouser leg.

"What's the problem now, Black?" Hagrid inquired with a furrow of his brows. "I thought I told ye ter be careful–"

"_I was!_" Sirius insisted in a loud and indignant voice. "The bloody thing just blew and I–" He caught a glimpse of Lily and James standing next to each other, watching him in unhidden surprise. "Oh, Jamesie! Save me! This is the most awful thing ever!"

"Sirius! What's going on?" James questioned in shock. "Where have you been? We haven't seen you since breakfast!"

"_This _one," Hagrid huffed as he picked up Sirius by his shirt and set him away from James and Lily's direction. It was as if he was trying to stop a dog from escaping, "got in a bit o' trouble today wit' Perfessor McGonagall today."

"Oh, what did you do _now_, Black?" Lily groaned. Sirius' eyes flickered back and forth and he muttered sheepishly.

"I was trying to set Mrs. Norris and Snivellus on fire at the same time, but it turns out it wasn't Mrs. Norris but–"

"McGonagall, in her Animagus form," Lily breathed, barely hiding her amusement and keeping laughter behind her teeth. "What did you do to Severus?"

He wrinkled his nose, shoving himself off Hagrid's meaty grip. "The spell caught the back of his robe and he shrieked and we started dueling, but McGonagall turned back into a professor with some of her hair on fire and–"

"_And _the manticores are gonna escape again," rumbled Hagrid, pushing Sirius towards the back again. "Ye get back there and keep 'em company, Black, wit' Snape."

"What's he doing with the manticores?" Lily inquired as Sirius began to sulkily disappear behind the hut, teeth rattling from fright.

"Jes' helpin' me wit' a little project I've started," Hagrid answered with a wide smile. "We're tryin' ter breed manticores an' firecrabs and Dumbledore thought it'd be a good detention for 'em–"

"_You're breeding them?_" James gasped, staring more at Sirius than Hagrid. "Sirius, why would you possibly decide to _volunteer _to do this?"

Sirius struggled with his words, pulling himself to his full height, crying in a defensive voice, "It was either that or switch bodies with Snape! You think I wanted to do this because I thought it was _fun_?"

"Ah, yer not supposed ter be tellin' people that, Sirius–"

"Wouldn't you rather have switched bodies?" Lily interrupted with a gasp.

"Are you out of your mind?" Sirius snapped in irritation, rubbing a bit of soot off his cheeks. "That's the stupidest thing I've heard you say, Evans!"

"But–"

"Who in their right minds would switch bodies with another person for a _week_?"

Hagrid finally ushered them away from the hut and insisted that they return to the castle and _not _discuss whatever they had heard from the "loud-mouthed Sirius Black" and not worry about it for even a minute. So Lily and James wandered back slowly to Hogwarts, exchanging amused glances with each other, chewing on Sirius' statement and the hell of a week they'd gone through.

**Fin.**

* * *

This is the (real) end! Thank you _so _much for sticking to this to the end even when I was burping out updates slower than a fire crab on a rampage! ::bows::

Thank you everyone for your support and I hope you enjoyed the story!


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